Saturday, November 15, 2014

another year older, another diagnosis, another chapter in "Karma will get you" (I hope so)

ANOTHER year OLDER.......
(monday is my 33rd birthday) more gray hair in the mirror...... more wrinkles on my forehead,,,,, darker circles under my eyes when I don't get enough sleep.....
oh and my MORE important birthday,
 will be coming up again, soon TOO.....
and IF I make it....
 I'll have FOUR FREAKING YEARS....
4 YEARS....
four.......
FOURRRRR years....
why is it STILL so hard?
why is it STILL my first IMPULSE reaction ? ? ?
 you would THINK, after FOUR freaking YEARS,,,,, my brain would learn to redirect, or NOT go that route, or something...
unfortunately,,, it still does...
only difference is NOW... my OTHER coping skills (my new ones) kick in right away,, almost in an auto-pilot, way.....thank GOD for THAT one....
so, as time goes by, I grow both in maturity and age..... LOL..... and for some reason I'm having issues getting rid of the last fifteen pounds of weight gain from the BABY... I'm ready for it to BE GONE... NOW..... but, it's just not happening....... Dr says I need to give myself AT LEAST six months, and it's just barely been three.... so I'm trying not to be too hard on myself.... but It sure would be nice, if it WOULD GO THE HELL AWAY!!!!


Mr. Sam man had an evaluation last week.....
Looks like he's getting diagnosed with a sensory disorder, as well as his SEVERE ADHD.... I haven't done nearly as much research on sensory disorders as I have ADD/ADHD, but I'm starting to now... the therapist said, they don't really "do anything" but teach coping skills, how to get the kid to calm themselves down, after an 'episode'
the more I read on it, the more I can definitely see his symptoms... and you know the first time it's mentioned in Sam's file is about 30 months old, just like the "hyper activity" ,,,, so it's probably spot on. . . . Anyway he has another appointment in December, we'll find out more then.

He did so great, at his 2 and half hour evaluation!!!
I was super proud of him.
"what have you learned from you Mom & Dad?"
___about what?
"about life, in general"
___that we don't hurt people and we don't hit people
"that's good... and very important.. can you tell me anything else?"
____If you do hit people, when you are a grown up you will go to jail
"well that's definitely true"
____and that good decisions bring you good n fun things in life and bad decisions bring you not so good things
"very good Sam,,, it sounds like you ask your Mom n Dad a lot of questions, that you spend a lot of time as a family"
____(sighs)...... yeah, we do. . . we eat dinner at five o'clock. . . and I like to snuggle with my daddy when he reads to me, but I have to sit still and not jump around or he stops reading.
"well that seems reasonable..... what else do you like to do with your Mom or Dad"
____reading...... Mom colors with me.... ohhhh and I really like building legos with my Dad.

Later on....
"so what happens when you make a mistake, or as you put it a bad choice?"
____ (... sighs, and rolls his eyes.....)   WELLLL sometimes, I just don't get to get a new toy at my two weeks..... and sometimes, I get a toy taken to toy jail...... and SOMETIMES< I have to go to my room, by MYSELF, until I calm down.

LOL...... doesn't sound like we're doing TOO bad, if you ask me!!!!
I'll keep ya posted, on everything else I find out. . .
so far I've been reading on the add forum, about sensory disorders and how common it is to run hand and hand with ADHD kiddos.
more on sensory disorders
Sam definitely hates tags in his shirts, or anything for that matter....
he will NOT have something tight over his head... I actually CUT 90% of his hooded sweatshirts, so that they don't go tight on his head as he pulls them on,, or he just won't put them on.... he's been like that since he was an INFANT... just FREAKED when anything went tight on his ears/head.... he's always been super sensitive to loud noises,,,, and bright lights.... anything like that , really.... which is why I never "got" why the grocery store was so terrifying...
 until his counselor explained what it's probably like to "be Sam walking in to the store" with all the bright lights, tons of people, noise from the intercom/cash registers/beeper alarms/EVERYTHING , and it's huge, I mean talk about OVERLOAD...
nowadays, I just ask HIM, if he can "handle" a trip to the store... he HAS said before,
"probably not  a great idea today Mom"
LOL... enough said, kiddo!!!!!!!!!
I love him.... SOOOOOOOO MUCH.... I just want him to be happy.... and successful at ANYTHING he puts his mind to.... I don't care what it is.... as long as it makes HIM HAPPY... I'm happy.
can we really ask for anything, more? as parents?


still dealing with the super-shitty FRIEND, problem....
only it's gotten worse... the threats, have gotten worse...
I'd call it EXTORTION, actually.
she's like trying to EXTORT money from me? . . . saying she will call CPS, and mike's PO and all kinds of CRAZY SHIT, if I don't "gimmie my money right now"
Hmmmm
yeah, NOT gonna support your HABIT, k...
Honestly, I have no idea what to do.... I was thinking of contacting mike's PO (she has the same one, what a lovely coincidence) and explaining, BEFORE she says something awful.... she's ALREADY called my Dr., or maybe talked to him in person, and tried getting me kicked out of the program... but since I DONT ABUSE MY MEDS, it didn't work.
maybe that's what made her more pissed?
*****sigh*****
I hate to be a 'nark' and go the PO but I don't really see any other options, at this juncture.. I'm almost positive she's going to do something to ..... retaliate? although, I hate to use that word, because that says I did something to her, or something to piss her off to begin with.. which I DID NOT.
I really am serious,,, she just totally changed personalities.... the dope,, I mean I KNOW the dope does that to you...... but it's just crazy, obviously she views me as a push-over or she wouldn't be trying to do what she is..... Honestly, the devil on my shoulder wants to drive right over there and beat the dog shit out of her. BUTTTTTTTTT I can't do that. . . . if she shows up AT MY HOUSE, though.......??? .............. ha ha ha I'm thinking I'd have a better chance at getting away with it....
I'd like to punch her right in the nose,
watch her land on the asphalt and say,,,
WHAT WAS THAT???
what are YOU GONNA DO NOW???
it's nice to day dream...... I decided long ago, that black & white stripes just "don't look good" on me , though....


Birthday Weekend Getaway.......
we went to Chinook Winds Casino Friday night... and stayed OVERNIGHT.... in the Casino Hotel.. in a  "jr suite" right on the ocean...
it was beautiful.... and awesome..... and I had a really nice time.....
you know what the nicest thing was?

eating dinner, at a TABLE,,,, in an ESTABLISHMENT,,,,, with my HUSBAND......
(and he even had permission)
FIRST TIME IN 22 months....
yep...
and WHY he had permission, is pretty simple.... because nobody under 21 is allowed in the place... he still wasn't permitted to gamble or go in the bar or anything... good thing I don't care about the bar, and he got to watch me bet all night, so I was fine with that!!!!
This morning,
we went for yet ANOTHER MEAL,,, in PUBLIC.... at a  TABLE..... for the breakfast buffet
it was GREAT while it lasted...
my bestest buddy,, took the kids overnight for us... her and her husband (they are newlyweds, !)
have 3 children, between the two of them.. PLUS our two, made FIVE KIDDOS.... lol
brave souls,, I KNOW!!!!!
Her and her hubby are "set up" as temporary guardians, too.... for my boys, just IN CASE of any type of emergency... I don't have to worry about them going to the state or anything like that. it's already in place and IN WRITING, and on the RECORD.... thankfully.
Anyway,,
Sam had a great time... I was so thankful, to them, her for taking the kids.... we really needed it.... just the BREAK from the kids, was great.
my awesome neighbors, took them until she got off work... and then Nana & Papa had them for awhile this afternoon,,, until we got back into town...

 it REALLY does TAKE A VILLAGE you know.....


Sullivan had his 3 mo check up!!!
he's 16 pounds, 3 ounces and 26'' LONG...
a moose?
YES... a TANK?
yes...
doesn't miss the dinner bell?? YOU BET YOUR ASS HE DOESN'T...
He got FOUR SHOTS, too.... right in his upper thighs, of course.... and I Vividly remember Sam's first round... his little body turned purple, he cried so hard and loud..... I am pretty sure it took 20 minutes before he stopped screaming......
Mr. Sully???
he.... on the other hand,,, cried during the "pokes" and his head did turn three shades of red....
but as soon as I picked him up and patted his back a few times, he was all done with the crying... he did however, continue to give me dirty looks for 20 minutes or so....
LOL
yes, the stink eye from my 3 month old baby.....


well..... short and sweet tonight..... that's about all I got for now..... I'm tired, since I didn't get a WHOLE lot of sleep last night.....(it was so worth it though)
so, as always THANKS for the support...
I LOVE YOU ALL,,,, all of you who support me... whether I barely know you, or know pretty much everything.... I have love for you, in my heart.

Until next update,,,,,, remember...... treat others how you want to be treated.... always..... even if they don't share that moral with you.....

it's just the right thing to do....

Peace & Love to you and your loved ones.











Sunday, November 2, 2014

stuff I left out, from last week.... (forever imprinted) O Shit!!!! Moments


 well for the sake of...... "get to the point already, Amber......."
I left a few things out of my recent post.....
they weren't important, or news of any kind, but I sure don't understand how I get myself wrapped into these precarious situations sometimes???

FYI..... I even kept a few of the swear words.(less than 5)... so you've been warned !


Thoughts today On shitty friends......
I guess I just expect people to do their best, and NOT hurt others, on purpose, you know, act like a DECENT HUMAN BEING...... and what I'm a little SLOW to learn, is ,,,,,,
thats just NOT how some people are!!!!!

first of all....
a while ago,,,, I wrote about a close friend, having an "incident" and basically it resulted in his demise...... (he passed away).....
  link to post about his death, scroll to last section
... and I can't remember if I mentioned, his wife...???
well,,,
she just didn't go away....... like AT ALL...... after he died...... and at first, I felt bad, yes... I sure did.... but after weeks and weeks of hearing her tell EVERYONE and ANYONE that'd listen,,,,, how sad and suicidal she is, because she just lost her husband...... that's right..... 3& 4 months later, shes still saying JUST lost him....... Oh, and I should also mention, collecting (trying to) money for his very needed burial and funeral...... which she still hasn't had...... unless she HAS in the last 2-3 weeks, and I just don't know because I'm not talking to her, now.... or again..... well, probably again, eventually but only to "keep the peace"
she's shown me her true colors,
and reminded me that it is SOOOOOO FREAKIN HARD to make "FRIENDS" as you age....
guess that's why you're supposed to do it , young........
LOL
I thought she was..... but friends, don't name call , and degrade, accuse, lie, manipulate each other when they have a shitty day,,,, or even get mad over something stupid....... I'm nowhere near exhaggerating, and REALLY want to give more details, but I just can't because I didn't ask her permission, and I'm NOT calling her, to do so..........  (any one I talk about in a post, I've asked permission first)
I'm almost ashamed to admit,
that she hurt my feelings, and made me REALLY UPSET at I guess what became my "breaking point"....... I'm NOT ashamed, because I know it's okay to feel my feelings no matter what they happen to be, , , and that's life without my #1 coping tool...... and THATS what I want to continue, so guess what, I'm gonna have uncomfortable feelings, too......
anyway,
Here I am, now..... Guard all up again, , , built a wall around my heart, again...... cuz I'm not letting anyone hurt me, you know..... (,my grand master plan, anyway)
I hate that I started to CARE so much,
it hurt when she "flipped"
she started using, again.... and I swear turned into a different person, overnight........ demanding money, and/or valuable items. . . . . . with an "or else" to top it off,,,,, because you have a whole lot more to lose in your life than I do"
as a cherry on top.....
so,
that was her "chapter" I guess,

and I'm TURNING THE FUCKIN PAGE...... 

like I should have months ago, as MORE than one friend, and family member mentioned I SHOULD do....
another shiny example of why I do not get along with other women, as a general rule....

I hope I'm not alone, in this "making friends" isn't easy, experience.... I don't even know how I could make it easier..... LOL

a fender bender......
O SHIT, I said,,
, as I STRRRRRRRRRRRETCH into the back seat, trying to find his "mouth" with a bottle, blindly......
and he is ***SCREAMING***
that baby is even MORE pissed now that I've had the bottle close to his lips and he can SMELL it, and still DOES NOT HAVE IT............
theres a white Chevy pickup ahead of me,,, two HUGE brand new truck tires, loose in back,,, as I'm thinking,,, if I bought those, I'd tie those suckers IN... they can be a grand a piece!!
I'm approaching a four way stop, it's busier than usual, too.... two rows at least five cars behind me,

BAM,,, kiddo is eating..... I look forward again, JUST IN TIME TO KISS HIS BUMPER.....

awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww FUCK man.
he motions for ME to FOLLOW him, NOW.......
okay, yes sir.
I don't see anything on the truck, yet, ..... I can't see a mark, or a dent, scratch, anything...THANK GOD...
my bumper??? well, let's just add that to the laundry list of my "incidents" while using mostly..... and somehow never earned a DUI.....
anyway,
I follow him to where he pulls over...... there's a scuff mark on his bumper, MAYBE the diameter of a baseball.....it's MY tan paint.......
I write down my info, but explain that this will leave me with an AT FAULT WRECK, on my driving record, again...............and I know from experience, they COST A HELL OF A LOT OF $$$$
he's on the phone and not listening.
I ask, who are you calling?
"warrenton P D"
are you serious?
"yes.... I know you can get IN BIG TROUBLE for not reporting this"
I say,,,, ummmmm yeah, when there is DAMAGE to the vehicle.....whoever is NOT at fault... sooooooooooo
"well there's damage"
not more than 1500 or whatever it is!!!! I say, kinda like, W T F is your problem< DUDE
I go sit in the car.... figure I better keep my mouth shut.
two seconds later, because it's four blocks away,,,, warrenton's finest shows up.
Officer says,,,
that where she hit ya?
and points to the OPPOSITE SIDE OF THE TRUCK, that I actually hit.....
dude says, no, and wipes the RAIN off the bumper so you can see the paint.
cop says...... yeah, you don't HAVE to report it, unless you do want to file a claim, but it will leave a pretty bad mark on her driving record, I know that"
Im like. WOW.... thanks for saying that.... whew.
this dude,,,,
says he probably is,,, and it's a "company" truck, and he'll have to talk to his boss.

ummmm YEAH, you do that, , , and I actually SAY,,,,,,
"please be sure and tell him I just had a baby, I just had two wrecks drop of my driving record, and I'm really realllllllllllllllllllllllly sorry and will give him a couple hundred bucks, or whatever makes it okay... that I'd much rather do THAT, then go thru the insurance.

he nods okay, and leaves......

I had his info, so when I didn't hear a THING for a week,,,, I texted him.....
***this is amber that hit your truck the other day, and I'm really seriously sorry about that. I just wanted to check in with you and ask if everything is OK
--- I'm getting an estimate on the damage, you should call my dad, and gave the #
***okay, thanks

holyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy shit....... WHY ...... WHY do I have to do such STUPID SHIT sometimes?
I was 15 minutes late, picking Sam up to.
he was almost in TEARS, when I got to the school finally..... he thought I forgot about him.....

well,,,,, long story short, after almost two weeks the dad (BOSS!!!)
returns my call,,,,,, says the estimate is $750
I ask if I can make payments..
he didn't really answer, but gave his address.
I haven't been able to send any money yet..... I SHOULD have.. I told him I was going to.......
I have issues, though....... I'm going to send him $200 the day before my birthday.
YAY
happy f****** birthday

If you'd like to send the guy a donation or letter on why it's stupid ,,, or how AWESOME I AM,
the address he gave is
37665 Timber Lane    Astoria, Or  97103

I tried negotiating, but I didn't try really hard.... because of the obvious predicament, I'm in.
the cop ran my ODL, and checked all my info,,, and logged my ODL #, plate , address and cell #.....handed dude a reference number to the information....
 so I can't just disappear, either.....

my............(((long pause)))........REWARDING  son.... and his shenanigans.....
I decided to go shopping,,,, with BOTH kids recently.... LOL... like that's not the norm, or something.... that's how I usually GET to go shopping.... but this time was different because I could tell Sam was emotionally fragile, already.
I asked, if he could handle it, and TRY not to fight with me.... he said, yes he could.

and his nose should have grown!!!!!
because,,, he was terrible from the MOMENT the doors slid open for us...
mom ... mom ... mom..... I want to play the machine, ... mom MOM MOM MOM MOM
MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOmmmmmmmm
no.
no.
maybe when we're done shopping if YOU ARE GOOD!!!
he collapses to the ground, and wails
like I murdered his Guinea pig while he slept, or something.

CMON SAM LETS GO.
((whining and crying in the background,as I'm walking thru the store, with Sullivan in the cart)))
yes, people stare.
I'm used to that shit by now!!!
I just smile..... if anyone says ANYTHING, I ask if that's an offer to babysit.
they walk away briskly, 90% of the time.
LOL
as the shopping proceeded,,,,, Sam just got more unhappy with me..... he wanted a toy, he wanted to eat candy, he wanted the cereal HE NEVER EATS, and I end up throwing out after a month and half, one bowl gone.
I stick to my guns, I breath deeply, I ignore his comments and crying.... I remind him HE said he could handle it....
he wants in the cart, and back out.... IN and back OUT...... and CRIES EACH TIME when I say, you just got out, or in.... whichever it'd been.
I'm wrapping things up, and now he starts his bullshit, of running ahead of me and hiding and jumping out in front of other people.....
you know, to startle them, or make them laugh.
YEAH.
I'm always scared some person will have a heart condition or something, and Sam JUMPS in front of them and says HI.. I"M SAM.... and Im a lot to handle.
lol
then runs a circle around them, points at me, there's my mom.; she's mad.
BYE
and some poor soul with a bad heart, bites the big one right there in the aisle.

anyway,,,, I'm in the clothes section now,,,, still working on re-stock of my unmentionables, because as anyone whose had a baby knows..... you just have to start over, with the whole drawer AFTER pregnancy & delivery......
Now Sam is clearing off clothes racks.... yes...... throwing all the clothes in the floor like it's hilarious. there's a couple workers that start cleaning up after him..
I YELL at him, to help..... and HELP NOW, you made that mess.
he picks up like ONE thing, and has a shitty grin, the entire time.

next he pushes the racks into the MIDDLE OF THE AISLE..... then hides in the center.
pushes the other racks, into each other or the walls...
and I'm TRYING to redirect, the ENTIRE TIME....
bribes..... candy....... the machine @front of the store.... ANYTHING I can think of...
he keeps doing it....
he stops for thirty seconds, and then just goes for more. and RUNS in between times, so that I can't get ahold of him, as he RACES passed me.
like a pin ball in a pin ball machine.

Pretty soon..... I'm wearing THIN.... my NERVES ARE GONE..... I'm Freaking DONE... over it.
the last straw, was knocking the entire coat rack over onto the floor with a sales person watching.
I was so embarrassed.
and PISSED OFF

I shout,,,,,,, BYE SAM IM LEAVING.............. (cus he's hiding again)
I mean it!!!! as I empty the few items I had in the cart, onto a shelf close by.
he sees me putting the things back, meaning I AM leaving, not going thru the check out even.
he's laughing..

HES LAUGHING....
I proceed to walk away...... all the way outta the clothes section.
all the way to the front of the store.... just before going out the doors, I look back, NO SAM.
oh freaking well.
whos  LAUGHING NOW???????????????

I'm at the car.
phone rings....... it's mike...... I tell him, I left Sam inside fred meyer, I'm in the parking lot having myself a TIME OUT.
he says,
oh no.
he's inside, and your outside?
YEP... Yep... and he was LAUGHING when I walked out!!!

yeah... but amber, you gotta go back in and get him, like now.
Please.

SIGH.... no.... do I HAVE to?...... uhhhh...... I don't want to.......

please, amber... please.

yes of course, I'm almost back to the entry door, again. I'll call you back.

okay. thanks, love you. don't kill him.

bye.

as Sullivan and I walk in,,,,,, and back towards the area I was in..... I figured he'd still be there making a mess....
turns out.... halfway across the store, I see him being led by two workers,,,, I can READ HIS LIPS.. he's saying My Mom left without me
and Looks all sad!!!!!!!!!!

I YELL.... SSSSSSAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAMMMMMMMM

the look on his face?
PRICELESSS.

lady says, that your Mom?
he says,
yeah, that's her... she's not happy tho.

COME HERE, NOW..... I told you I was LEAVING the store..... guess you'll believe me next time!!!!
the sales people laughed.... they recognized me, I think..... which is a good thing... this is NOT my "normal" reaction to my son acting out.... not even close......

but guess what?
I'm only human.... I'm definitely NOT the perfect parent.... and I totally "lose my shit" some days.
but, I apologize, don't expect him to forgive me right away, and try and make up for it, pretty quickly.....


My "with drawl baby"
that they were SOOOOOOOO concerned about..... is now...

DRUM ROLL PLEASE.....

10 weeks old, and JUST UNDER 16 pounds!!!!

more than double, his birth weight...... a MOOSE..... in size 6 mo already.
but.... a very happy,,, healthy moose. and pretty CUTE, if you ask me....

Sam has been so good with him.... I was totally worried for no reason, I think.
he's loving and just wants to help, most of the time....


So Grams had her CT scan last week.....
I guess they couldn't do as much as they had planned though, because her kidney function was too low, so they didn't use the ink/gel stuff, they did one w/o.... which probably won't be as accurate.
My mom's taking her for the results and "next course of action"
with the oncologist, tomorrow....
her "numbers" on her blood work.... think they call it tumor markers.
it's in the 200s.... and she says, it was 3 hundred something after the first couple rounds, MONTHS ago..... so it has dropped quite a lot, since just a few weeks ago it was reading over 1400
she doesn't feel well, tho.
and I can totally see it..... she gets tired so easily...... she feels so inadequate, WANTS to be able to do everything herself.... BY HERSELF..... but she just can't anymore.....
I try to make as many good memories as I possibly can, with her....  she has shared a lot of old stories from her childhood, with me the last couple months..... they are funny, too...... if you imagine 8 kids, and the early 1940s & 50s

I love her so much.
this one is gonna hurt like no other..... and our family dynamic, will change, FOREVER....
I honestly believe, it will never be the same, once she's missing....
she's like the "glue" that keeps some of us talking.... the "calm" that takes over, so one family member doesn't "go trunk monkey" on your ass....

I'm so very lucky, for the privilege of having so much time with such a beautiful human soul.
there's so much to learn from her..... so many obstacles she had to overcome..... overcome and stand victorious over the very reasons she could have given up, and nobody would have blamed her.
but she didn't....
not once....
she fought.... and loved her family....... was a faithful and loving wife the better part of a half century..... and fought harder for the ones she loves/loved....

I asked her the other day,,,, just as I was walking passed , do you need anything?
she points to her lower chest/upper abdomen,
says..... "if you could make this go away, that'd be great"
and smiles.
I said..... Grama, you know, or should know, I'd slay a dragon,
if that's what it took...... anything... I'd do anything to make that come true.

she takes my hand, and says, I know.. I know you would. I love you.

I had to kiss her head, instead of say I love you back, because I had a lump in my throat.
my heart just hurts sometimes, already.


Halloween...... 
is kinda ruined for me, I think..... Until Mike's off probation anyway.
there's so many people who have NO IDEA what they are talking about when they automatically assume, "sex offender" and PEDOPHILE are the same thing....

not even close, people.
there seems to be an over abundance of "fear" driven into parents from the media.... they are the ones that call a 17 yr old, with "nude pics" of his 15 yr old girlfriend, child pornography.....
you blink, and the kid is doing 10-20, will register for life, all for his consensual sexual relationship resulting in a couple nude pics.

would you be "disgusted" by this guy ten years down the road? how about 20 ? when he's forty , and has kids of his own,,,,

 would you be repulsed by looking at him?
because, his while  "crime" will be long gone,

 but his scum-of-the-earth LABEL, is there FOREVER.

just on a side note... if you have EVER watched a lil Internet porn.....
you MAY HAVE VIEWED child pornography...

the law states,,,, that a 16 or 17 year old is  a CHILD....
and you know, even I know, all those free clips online, show ID/proof the "actors" are all OF AGE, right???  so how do YOU KNOW, they are? or aren't?
you don't........ you may have downloaded it YOURSELF......
REMEMBER THAT, next time you warn someone, or look up the sex offender list in your area. Keep in mind how far the courts PUSH, STACK, WORSEN charges, just to ENSURE they will get their plea deal
that is ALWAYS the goal.... get the plea......
you can't tell me you wouldn't SIGN your name, to get out of jail, while they are telling you of the MINIMUM sentence you will do,,,,,, if a trial doesn't exactly go your way........
any logical person, would sign away at guilt, or whatever the case may be, to not do 10, 12, 15 years in prison, or "get released today and start probation"
with your brand new label..... think about THAT....
so wrong..... unjust..........and totally unfair.

well I'm going to bed, now.... Just had to share some of those.... MOMENTS from my life.

still love ALL OF YOU.....
can you do one thing for me, this month??

DONT BE A SHITTY FRIEND!!!!!!!

and that's all I have to say about that.

enjoy some photos....