Sunday, December 8, 2013

That's a WRAP!! Regarding; Thanksgiving, my lil guy turning FIVE,, and 32 months is almost here......

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Wuzzzz UP my Bro-thaaa?
Well where to start ........…….
First I’d like to say ***THANKSGIVING ***
was pretty GREAT….Just about the best one I can remember.
No particular reason why,,,,,,Other than I didn’t feel tense/anxious/stressed, anything like the “norm” for me. It was actually really cool to spend a long weekend WITH my family….. And guess WHO got to enjoy FAMILY TIME, as well???  Yes,,,, Mike was granted permission to be around/involved with Thanksgiving. That sure made things MUCH EASIER…. There’s so many times we have to make extra trips, just to ensure Mike IS following each and EVERY SINGLE GUIDELINE…. Let's face it,,,, If you ARE following the rules, then there's nothing to be nervous or stressed about,,,,,, right?
Well that's what I used to honestly believe,,
while my "outlook" has changed somewhat,
following the rules when you THINK nobody is watching...........still absolutely feels like the best "insurance" no matter HOW I look at it all.
So, the long holiday weekend,
Sam was blessed with the presence of his UNCLE WILL****
and THAT is quite the treat for Mr. Sam man......
My brother, Will, takes the "job" 
of being an uncle, VERY seriously.... as he should, right?? yes, that answer would be YES,,,,, it's just not the "norm" these days....      (Hmmm he's not normal either,, imagine that!!)
We are almost 7 years apart, in age. So growing up, we mostly fought,,, LOL.... No, not "mostly" we mostly got in trouble... together.... And when I moved out he was hitting that pre-teen STAGE..... and we ALL know that's certainly NO FUN AT ALL.. I think he maybe harbored resentment or anger towards me for a long time, for "leaving" him behind...
 but in all honesty WHO KNOWS what goes through that kid's head.... LOL.....  he's one of those people who seems ALMOST too smart for their OWN good, if that makes any sense. My brother was blessed with both "book smarts" and street smarts..
Me,,,, I don't know. Some of both, and the ability to SURVIVE no matter the "odds" of NOT surviving.... those are just a couple of my strengths.
This last past year,
we've definitely communicated MUCH more, than all ten years prior, added together... I think it's been great for ME, and especially for Sam. One thing I learned in going to the classes with Mike,,, was NO matter what, your child will "long for" positive male attention. doesn't matter what age, race, gender, ETC..
they (we) all long for acceptance and love from THAT "father figure"
So what really "stuck" with me was,
trying to surround your child with as many POSITIVE MALE ROLE MODELS as possible, creates all kinds of "channels" for them to get that acceptance/attention/love they may or may not be getting from their Dad...... UNCLE is a great example.... So let's say ten years down the road, Sam is really "torn" on something, or some decision, I want NUMEROUS people around that he feels "connected" with and safe enough to share/ask/learn from.
There's no denying,
anyone would rather their child talk to someone (anyone) than make a decision leaving permanent results in it's wake.
I'm in NO WAY the "perfect" parent.... and MANY people have issues with my parenting STYLE..... And that's okay, I really don't care how YOU or anyone else raises YOUR CHILD...
I guess my POINT would be;
Sam is really LUCKY to have so many people in his life, who love him. Not to mention would catch a bullet for him, any day.
for taking his "role" seriously...... that eases SOME of my concerns regarding Sam's teenage years.... LOL
(of course not all of them! but it at least helps) 
Looks like he's waiting to become a father, until he feels ready, willing and able to handle that kind of responsibility. Well I don't think anyone can "prepare" for being a parent. I THOUGHT I prepared myself, very well for it... HA!!! Boy did I have a freaking SHOCK COMING..
It's so overwhelming, consuming and rewarding ALL At the same time.

Mike is taking his ***DRIVING TEST ***
 on Monday morning.    Yes,, PLEASE wish him the BEST of luck to pass. . . I've already told him (expressed) I wouldn't be mad/disappointed/upset if he does NOT pass, since at least then he'd know WHAT he needed to study more, or what at least to expect next time..... I do sincerely hope he passes it though.... Financial ISSUES are what plagues MY worried mind the majority of the time, nowadays. . . . 

he told me--- ""it was JUST what I've been wishing for momma. thank you SOOO MUCH. I love you""
That made all the hassle, lists, stress, letter to the PO (including guest list w/phone numbers) , WORTH EVERY SECOND......
His eyes were so bright that night...
I followed through with ALL of the little requests he made to me,,,,,, Like he specifically asked for a "number five candle"
and REAL CANDY for the goodie bags........  LOL
these things are a BIG DEAL when you're turning five!!!
I just invited the people we see all the time, the kids he plays with quite often, and his best lil bud, Kyle, wasn't able to make it because of plans/reservations they had to make MONTHS in advance ... I'm guessing that' the ONLY thing that would've made it even better for him.
I'm feeling quite PROUD of him, do you know this kid hugged EVERY PERSON who brought a gift, as I helped him open them?
he would pick one to open, I'd tell him who it was from, and he'd RUN OVER to them, with his arms stretched open. 
he'd say, HUGS!!! and thank you SO MUCH for the present!!!!
Then, RACE BACK OVER to the present, and TEAR IT OPEN!!!!
First time I've ever seen a kid,
THANK every person that bought them something, BEFORE he opened it...
C'mon, that MUST MEAN I'm doing SOMETHING RIGHT!!!???!!???
I'm relieved, and elated......
that he had SUCH A GREAT BIRTHDAY..... One for him to remember, for sure. you know,,, he's my only child, and my brother (that lives here) doesn't have any yet (and leads no hope of anytime soon/and that's ok!)
Our other brother and sister live a few states away. There IS more grandkids, there but they don't get to see each other NEARLY as often. So, my mom and grandma buy quite a LOT of stuff for him,
any day that ends in "y".... Which don't get me wrong, I would too!! But when Sam is pulling my arm off my body NEEDING this $10 toy and I only have like 7 bucks or something to BUY WHAT WE NEED WITH,,, I have NO choice but to say,"" No Sam,
I don't have the money.""... He doesn't like that answer, let me tell you!! Don't believe me??? I'm formally inviting any "doubters" to Come to the store with US some time.
ONe of my friends, will NEVER accompany Sam and I again, in a store because of how he behaved on ONE SHOPPING TRIP...... that was just a "normal" supermarket trip for ME...... I kinda realized how CRAZY he really becomes... like he's possessed !!!!!!
MY WHOLE POINT, before I got sidetracked was.......
Mike and I got him a "big toy" set, and two small gifts, for his birthday. when Sam asked,
who bought that BIG ONE right there?
I answered,   ""that's from me and your Dad.""
he says 
""WOW I'M SO HAPPY RIGHT NOW!! You got that for ME???""
I think he's starting (just barely) to realize us buying something like that IS A BIG DEAL FOR US,
and it's special.
I didn't think that was possible, with "nana and grama" so easily out-doing me.... But it's really cool, that it DID HAPPEN. 
That was the first thing he wanted to open when we got home, too. what a LONG day... but there's NO DOUBT in my mind, it all paid off 
one more thing,
it was a very big deal for Sam to have his Dad at his party... With the family, WITH his friends present....  I can't remember if I already said, I "submitted" three options of a birthday party to Mike's supervising officer, asking for her to "pick one" and look over the guest list,
because we'll change whatever necessary for Mike to be able to BE THERE FOR HIS SON's BIRTHDAY..... well I was absolutely SHOCKED when she gave the okay. And, yes she chose the place, time, and looked over the guest list. Furthermore I provided every one's phone number and explained this is close friends and family only, whom all know of EVERY SINGLE THING that's gone on since January and are still more than comfortable coming. You can even call and ask if you'd like or talk to them about anything else you may be concerned with. They also all know how HORRIFIC Mike's  consequences would be if the rules are broken. 
for once in ten months, 
she said YES to something.
I had totally prepared Sam for a "small dinner with Daddy at gramgram's"
and him not getting permission to attend his party. So, that made it that much more AWESOME when his Dad shared the news with him that he could go!!!
***A great time was had by all***

My "parenting style" lately.....
is probably unlike anything you've ever heard of.......  LOL
I've learned that POSITIVE comments/actions/encouragement go MUCH farther than ANY discipline could ever HOPE FOR......
On top of that,
I'm just as honest as I possibly CAN BE, (to an extent of course).
but I often hear criticism for being TOO HONEST.
I certainly don't want to fill his head with the notion that life is all candy and roses... Because it's just NOT.... and it surely is not FAIR, either. After all,,, my "job" is to prepare him for the "real world" and how to MAKE IT,,,,, right?
how PREPARED would he be, if I filled his head with BS ?
that's what I said to myself, too.
anyone who's been around a 4 or 5 year old KNOWS the questions....
"how does it do that"
"why are they doing that"  "oh... WHY"
"what's this? what's inside? WHY?"
"yeah, but WHY?????"
I DON'T KNOW!!!! is my reply after 45 of them.
Yes, I keep my patience THAT LONG... I even counted his questions in a row, before I just could NOT take it anymore....
Sometimes, or I guess most of the time, RIGHT BEFORE , I'm at my boiling point...  I say, OKAY you've used up all your "why's" today"
he used to get mad, now he takes a deep breath, a long SIGHHH
and says,
Okay momma
ha ha ha ha YESSSSS
Anyway,,,,,  I'm doing my best to prepare him for the future. he knows the difference between traffic tickets and crimes, that their are misdemeanors and felonies, probation and parole, and of course a whole ton more than that. But that's the example I wanted to use of WHY and HOW honest I am with him.
Of course,
I do not give inappropriate details, it's all due to him coming up with his very own questions, and me just answering.
Oh, and things like when he refuses to wear his seat belt, I say, "we can't afford a ticket so you're gonna have to wear it!!"
the questions ROLL from that point on...
Sam's favorite thing to do right now is "play pretend"
so I'm not saying he doesn't dream big, still. I even play along because he gets SO EXCITED when I do..... and giggles... he gets these uncontrollable giggles like I did, and still do sporadically.... and it just makes me laugh SO MUCH.... it's so entertaining to me... I could be having the roughest day ever, and he giggles like that?! it feels like everything is GONNA WORK OUT, somehow.
Maybe those giggles are my 'drug' these days. I certainly play with my son instead of doing housework, sitting on facebook, or taking part in some heated debate,,,  among other hobbies.....
Playing pretend or tonka trucks with him is SERIOUS business... You think when your life ends, people will remember how successful (or not) you were Socially and Financially. 
Then a few more years pass, and maybe some shitty things happen, 
the ONLY thing you'll leave behind when your life ends, is the memories others have of you. (or don't)
I can remember my Mom being silly, and having fun with us. Things like spraying us with the garden hose, when we were just walking by (and laughing her ass off) Or, turning the hot water on while your in the shower til it turns ICE cold on you for a second... Yes, she laughed then too! Another one would be, wise cracks that make you laugh so hard you'll pee your pants, when your trying to be SERIOUS with her....
that's how I want Sam to think of me.... I know NOW,,,, I was a challenging child......  but she still held a high enough value on playtime that we got plenty of it. some parents are WAY TOO SERIOUS for me these days... I mean, really.... wiping every surface down your kid touches with bleach, only makes them get more severe illnesses LESS often... I'd rather Sam have a continual cold for a year, than spend two weeks in intensive care.... I swam in  a river you're "not supposed to" all while growing up.... Most of the kids in the neighborhood did as well.
Choose your battles.
And choose wisely....
That's my point, and it's also my ONLY advice on parenting. You do that, and you'll already have 75% LESS FIGHTS with your child.
I'm comfortable in my "own skin" with who I am today, what my skills (and weaknesses) are, I'm empathetic towards others, and very non judgemental. . . . if Sam gets to adulthood,
and possesses all these things mentioned above,
I'd me more than satisfied with my parenting skills/abilities/style....
These days,
You just get NO HELP from society with this stuff. It's all about Internet dating sites, googling family members, Fitting in to this image society/pop culture paint as beautiful,  and being successful at everything you do.......
Truth is, if you're successful with EVERY ATTEMPT at something new-
you don't learn anything....  Anyone knows, when you "mess up" while trying your best not to, you learn how that won't happen again!!!  
I guess my point is,
figure out what's important to YOU, and keep it close.
Cherish every moment. . . It's then, and only then you create serenity.

you'll experience true serenity

Is my "quote" for this week......

that's one recent lesson I learned.... Lowering expectations, ensures you won't be disappointed..... You're always pleasantly surprised, instead...

Okay, I've written on this every day for almost four days.
So, I'm getting tired and 
THIS IS A WRAP........ hope you enjoyed the UPDATE,,
and enjoy some pictures, too.
as ALWAYS,,,, a big huge thank you to all you guys who help me through each day.... who listen to me VENT when I need to, that put up with my sad country songs when I'm depressed, last but not least..   You LOVE and ACCEPT me for who I am.... 

Mom and here challenging child...... LOL

Dad and Me.. I mean Papa and Mom***
My Mommy and my goofy-ass smile

Cheyanne and I below
                                                                                      Sam and his "haul".( the blanky was from me)

The Birthday Boy & his GUEST of honor....

Tearing into those packages, like I mentioned...... He'll be a PRO on Christmas this year!!!

         <<<<     the PARTY.....

the FAMILY.... yes, Sam is JUMPING up and down, while we're trying to take a photo together.....

SNOW on December 6th.... Highway 101 just North of Camp Rilea , South of Home Depot

                    What it looked like out my Front door..... about 8am

Sam decorating the tree, Thanksgiving night.... my rule was AFTER thanksgiving.... he said, we had turkey dinner so "its all over"   TIME FOR THE TREE!!!

The famous UNCLE WILL

 he IS pretty cute,,, right? LOL
My evil twin....                  me and grams >>>>

 Here ,,,, we have a LOVELY example of Sam having a fit, cuz you have to be still for a photo....
gotta love'm

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