ohhhhh another birthday, ALREADY?????
Well just family dinner and a few close friends... I don't want anything big or stressful..... Some people think, what's stressful about someone else throwing YOU a big party??
well when your uncomfortable in social situations like I am,,
it's ALL stressful.....
Anyway,, it will be great just to hang out with the family and my friends for awhile...
++++++Sam man's birthday!!!!
it's coming up!! my baby will be FIVE years old!!
I can't believe it...... but it's happening... so the ATTITUDE.... it's coming for sure...
We went to the ENT specialist a week or so ago, (ears/nose/throat)
he MAY have fluid behind his ears, and since his hearing has been on ongoing issue, he's getting tubes in his ears..... I know, I know... it's ALWAYS scary to have your kid need ANY procedure..
but if it's going to help him be more successful in life,
well I just HAVE to give him the best "shot" I can.... I'm going to have his part on the 7th, since his pre surgery appointment, is on the 4th of December...
I've already been talking to him about it, and he's already SUPER excited... just like a kid should be for their birthday...
this time of year is HITTING me hard this year.... I mean I'm usually one of the weird ones looking FORWARD to the holidays... this year, it reminds me of all the BULLSHIT that went on last year, without my knowledge really,, and of course everything else that's come since then...
I wouldn't recognize my life,
a year ago if I had a crystal ball to "peer" into the future.. NO WAY.
I'm a different person, now too... in certain ways.
I definitely have my "guard" up almost always,
not trusting any kind of law enforcement/officer of any kind. UNTIL they show me I should trust them. Life is certainly more challenging,
but easier in some ways, too.
It's been hard to not get a little depressed though... being sad for a short time, and depressed are two different things to me...
I let myself be "sad" or reminisce BRIEFLY,,,, and then I try to pick myself back up, but it's harder right now than it was let's say a month ago. I think I'm dealing with it all rather well, though.
Sam needs good holiday memories,
and that's what I really need to remember. I know this situation is NOT of my doing, but on the other hand it certainly NOTHING is his fault, either. He definitely didn't "pick" his father, I did. So I'm going to make DAMN SURE he does get those warm childhood memories, that every kid needs(and should have)
I keep telling myself,
that 2013 just wasn't "my year" and that 2014 will be a whole BUNCH better... cuz just like when I have a really rough day,, chances are the next day won't be so bad.
You just cannot have two "bad years" in a row ,, can you?
*&^% I hope not!!!!
*****WORK... work at last
I started a new job, temporary of course, last week... thanks to a good friends' significant other.. that sure feels nice... for ONCE I'm the one that "someone knew and called" and didn't miss out on a job because of that... LOL...... actually it's a HUGE RELIEF To be working just a couple weeks, if that's all it turns out to be.. that's fine. We found out mike is Not getting paid for his training time and although he just has the driving test to do,, he won't be making a paycheck until afterwards...
he's still getting paid for the weekend work, but it's nothing close to sustaining one person, let alone three people. So, THANK GOD for a little bit of work.
I really hope and want his future to be bright. The fact that kids can dream BIG, and when they put their mind to it, and have a good "foundation" to make that leap,,, they really CAN do whatever they want to,,,, almost anything IS POSSIBLE,,, if you work hard enough... I think?
I hope so.
It certainly felt like Mike hearing that he NEEDS to be there, as a father, and role model for his son, from someone else besides ME, was really a kick in the ass for him.
the last few visits,
Mike has certainly been much more "in tune" with Sam, and pays attention to his stories,
pretends to be interest, plays along with his imaginary games (restaurant, sword fights, spider man, etc!).... Mike used to read to him every night, and sing him a song as he fell asleep, PRIOR to january. After that well he just plain couldn't see him for months and months. then, Mike kinda was so ashamed or embarrassed, I'm not sure, he just didn't want to "interfere" very much. I'm really glad to see that's changed, I'm even MORE happy that Sam has noticed. to Sam, Mike is his hero, and I'm sorry we are only kids for a SHORT time, so I'd never want to change that for him, or do anything to "spoil" that. I'm positive Samuel will form his own opinions on both his parents eventually...... LOL
and that "view"
will change drastically when he has KIDS OF HIS OWN........
Well that's about it for this entry...
A good catch-up post this was, I hope.
thanks to ALL OF YOU that support me, and help me and all the GREAT STUFF you know you do. Even when you don't realize you're doing something great for me, you probably are.
you know, it's been THIRTY MONTHS, TWO DAYS, and going strong (today anyway!)
Thanks for listening to my never-ending pool of thoughts
here's Sam man and his new adopted kitten.
yep that's ALL WE NEEDED,,,, another mouth to feed!!!
how do you say no, though?
I cant do it!!
NOW I know what my Dad meant when he'd YELL ,,
NO MORE ANIMALS!!!!
anytime we saw ANYTHING stray..........
(sorry Dad.... I didn't know!!!!)
priceless memories for both of them.....
and spooked a bit...