Sunday, August 18, 2013

No Regrets allowed

I've had a very challenging year so far.
But somehow,
I've been able to keep my best foot forward, keep myself drug-FREE, and even have a smile on my face in the process.
Mike and I have been "officially" separated for a couple of months now .
It was a very tough decision for me to realize, yet in the last month, maybe more it's absolutely been proven to me it's the RIGHT decision for all of us
The courts have had us separated since his arrest, in January ..
But in my head and especially my heart I wasn't ready to be at that time
While I'd love to sit here and give out every single detail, I just can't.
first and foremost,,,,
Its really difficult for me to say ANYTHING negative about a man I spent almost half my life with
I'm sure I know him better than he knows himself .......and I KNOW HE'S NOT A BAD PERSON ......
life happens, over the years,,
Maybe people grow and Change so much, they just aren't "supposed" to stay married
I don't know the answers.
All I know for sure, is that Mike made some pretty unintelligent decisions, that he's paying the most detrimental consequences for ....
Those consequences aren't going away any time soon and I just refuse for Sam and I to be punished for them.
There's a lot of women out there that would just keep trying to fix their marriage at this point, the point I was two months ago
Mike and I discussed over and over again,,
where to "go" from here.
Is healthy for all involved at this time
Like I've said many times before,,,
I ONLY want what's BEST for him
And of course for me.
Over the last 8 weeks or so,, we've gotten along better, than the last few months, Sam's had LESS tantrums /meltdowns, and I've been happier than I can remember in a very long time.
I'm certain I've made the right choice, and with each day that passes I know moreso.
In all actuality maybe neither of us was happy for a long time and just didn't realize it. I keep telling myself everything happens for a reason, and this is just where I'm "at " for now
Which is, in the simplist terms, HAPPY, and RELIEVED
So I must be doing something right .
If any of Mike's family has any questions concerning particular details, I hope they'll feel FREE to ask me. acowan1216 @ Gmail

On other fronts...
Mike's transfer has been put in
Sam will be going to am evaluation next week, with his regular pediatric Dr
That is Thursday morning. I'm not really sure what's going to happen, but its the appointment I've been putting off for six months, now
I've had a chance to see Sam, beside other kids his age,,,
It has become undeniable now, that he most likely IS ADHD,
And if not then there's something else going on that needs to be addressed.
he absolutely "aims to please "
But sometimes I think he just doesn't have the ability

That's about all I'm good for, today!
What the future has in store for me is anyone's guess. But I'm going to enjoy the ride.

There is no way I'd have made it still Clean, through these last few months, without my close friends and family!!!!!!
I feel soooo very lucky to be surrounded by such awesome, loving, and forgiving people in my life :-)
By awesome I mean, supportive, understanding, helpful, accepting,,, you get the idea!!!!
I wouldn't make it one day without them!!!!
Thank you........every last one of you.......

posted from Bloggeroid


  1. You are an incredibly strong woman Amber, and you will get through this. Just keep doing what is best for you and most importantly Sam and everything else will fall into place. The fact that you have stayed sober through all of this is a huge testament to how committed you truly are to a better life. I know whatever the future brings you will get through it and come out on the other side better than you were before. You deserve to have an awesome life full of laughter and love, and I know that one day you will get there. Just know that there are people out there who look up to you. You are a role model in the truest form of the word and I could only hope to one day be half as strong as you are. You, mike, and Sam are always in my prayers. Thank you for sharing your life with the world and if you ever wonder if your blog has made a positive impact on anyone's life I'm here to tell you it has.

  2. You are a good mom and a strong woman! You are an inspiration. And bless your heart for being willing to share your struggles with others. I'm sure you have helped people and don't know it. Keep up the good work!