Sunday, June 9, 2013

Music, My Son, and general BS tonight :-)

Another week, has passed……
Things weren't  “so bad” this last week…. 
I’m REALLY HAPPY the dude I work with, changed out my broken-ass stereo, with the NICE one I’ve had in the back of my car for months and months......I needed an adapter, and a new “frame” deal, for it to “sit in” after it’s installed, for a grand total, of $60. So, that’s why I kept putting it off… then this last week, I figured out I’ve now “hit” ONE HUNDRED POUNDS…. That I’ve lost, since April 2011…. CRAZY!!!! Right?
I decided, I wasn’t putting it off ANY MORE… So I sent Mike to get the parts, while I was at work Friday,,,, and Dan changed it out for me….
 It has an “auxillary” plug, so I can plug in my MP3 player, OR my phone,,,, YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  SO HAPPY!!!
I don't know WHY music has become SO Important to me, but it really has. I've always LOVED music,,, all kinds of it..... From R&B, reggae, some hip hop/rap (as long as it's not too 'over the line'), New country some OLD stuff like Johnny Cash,             Rock--from EVERY decade,, definitely classic stuff, Kid Rock's first 4-5 albums starting from '00 are my all time favorites,,, &  the list goes ON and ON.... 
At work,
I listen to the radio/music/CDs, ALL DAY LONG..... Recently, I paid for a subscription to "Slacker" radio.. the "premium" one, and let me say it's worth every CENT of $9.99/month!!!!  I used "pandora" before that... but even PAYING for Pandora, you cannot make playlists, or play a song you want to hear
 "on demand"-------
This "spare" stereo I had, came out of an old pickup I paid $200 for, when I was TRYING to get my act together, but the transmission went out, in my car. About the ONLY thing that worked, was that radio.... So when the engine blew up, I left it on the side of the road, but clipped the stereo out before I started walking........The "stock" one that was in my car, up until friday: well the CD player stopped working MONTHS ago, but it had a CD stuck in there, and it WOULD PLAY it every once in awhile. Well that was until about two weeks ago, then it started playing two SECONDS of every other song.... And, you couldn't "see" what station you were on, because the lights were bad, or whatever you want to call it. Your only option was the TWO or three local stations, with the same irritating-ass commercials, and the SAME SONGS, every day. AND,, I swear, they played the Same CD's every day,, just on "shuffle"  I swear I'd hear the same songs, on my drive to work and home.......
My point is.... I'm VERY HAPPY to have a Nice, working stereo.. I may have to add more insurance,  to my car, now............  :-)    (liability only,currently)
Sam's outta  preschool now, for the Summer.... 
Except the ESD classes, they are apparently and "all year round" school program. Which is FINE with me. He really has improved in some areas, since starting there. I got to have a good talk with his teacher, one evening last week. She said she thinks he's already "good to go" for the #2 class.... which is in the afternoons, instead of mornings.. Know what THAT means for ME???
I'm pretty sure I've explained, we 'dropped' his nap, MONTHS ago,,, since he'd be UP TIL MIDNIGHT, or later!!!!!
this Momma,, cannot stay up that LATE, and go to work at 7am, TOO.... uggghhhh....
Grams picks him up on Mon/thurs/fri..... around noon,,, right after he eats. So, obviously she doesn't let him take a nap... Well on tues & weds, when he's at the daycare,, according to THEM,,,, it's "state law" they have to provide the kids a rest peroid.. which I do NOT Think that means it "has to be" Dark, and play quiet music in the background!!!  But I digress..... who wouldn't fall asleep, right???
I always try to bribe him to NOT take a nap... but it doesn't work..... tues/weds I give him a small dose of melatonin, to help him get to sleep... if he's NOT out by 830.... When he has NO NAP,, he's OUT by 730...   (yes!!! awesome)
So,, NOW this "new" class,, the 2nd stage,,
is from 1-330....
that'll be FANTASTIC..... Wednesdays,, unfortunately will still be a "had a nap" day until he's old enough, not to I guess... I think 5 years old, but Im not sure.
it was a welcome change to have a GOOD report from a teacher....
She said, Sam is a sweet kid, who really tries to please, but gets a little side-tracked,, and might be a little mis-understood, as "defiant"... She doesn't think he's being defiant the majority of the time.. I happen to totally 100% agree with her.. so we get along GREAT......
Mike didn't get an opening for the re-test on his birthday last Monday.... (big sad face)
the next one isn't until the VERY end of the month........ so we wait.......... as usual......
Other than that, he's doing very well, with his probation, and getting along with both his therapist and P.O. I try to encourage him, when I can..... but it's hard...... Its hard for me to NOT harbor resentment, for how different things are.. I know I've said that before.. but it's true.... I'm still very much struggling with that.
I know there's NOTHING he can do about it "now"    but that doesn't mean it hurts ANY LESS........ I know he's trying....  So, I am too.
Next month is our ten year marriage anniversary...... ten years!!!!!  We actually started living together, in 2000.... so ,, 13 years...  that's a long damn time........ am I right???
Nobody ever said marriage was easy!!! especially the ones, that last a lifetime.....
A little about Suboxone.... 
I don't think I've written much detail about that subject for awhile......
Well,, about a week and a half ago.... I cannot really remember, exactly how long,, but more than a few days, less than three weeks!!!
I totally ran out of suboxone... and money..... and didn't have any for three and a half days.....
WELL...... This used to happen, ONCE in awhile, when I was taking two (16mg) or three (24mg) each day,,,,  and honestly,, I'd HARDLY NOTICE,,, till day four/five....
This time around?
I NOTICED,, at 24 hours!!!!  
Before what I mean by "hardly notice" is,,, my back would be stiff,,, and muscles a little achy,,,, a little "off" on my mood, but nothing too terrible
Well, right at 24 hours,,, I kinda had the "sweats" and felt really anxious... Not to mention my back hurting.... Knees, too......
Anyway,,,, when I FINALLY got some cash,,,, and got to the pharmacy....... No, it didn't make me "high" 
what a bummer, dude...........
okay,,, I just felt RELIEF......... from the minor aches/pain, anxiety ,, and MOST OF ALL THE CRAVINGS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I mean, the cravings is REALLY what this is about.... why is it STILL SO INTENSE??
it's been TWO FREAKING YEARS!!!!!
******deep breath*******
I don't have the answers.... But I do know, staying ON suboxone, is GOOD for my recovery journey....
and I know, each one of "us" recovering addicts, is on our very OWN PATH.... because we all had our very own, unique addictions........ and path to destruction.....
I'm still absolutely TERRIFIED, of mine.... Yep, that big monster, in the back of my mind...... it does 'wake' once in awhile, and catch me off guard, but I know that at least with Suboxone riding 'shotgun' I've got HALF A CHANCE.........
that's about all I have to say, about that I guess.... Anyone out there,, if you are even THINKING of going on suboxone, or you've got a loved one, thinking of it... I will post a couple of links, at the bottom of my post,, Please go and take a look.... What have you got to lose????
I'd recommend to anyone and everyone considering this route,
 to RESEARCH, RESEARCH ,,,,,RESEARCH!!!!!!  (and then do some more!!)
Because knowledge is POWER my friends... 
and your gonna need a whole hell of a lot of that, to have ANY CHANCE at sobriety  :-)
well I'm gonna wrap this up for today... Sorry for the "hum-ho" post.. Nothing big to report here..........
 which is a GOOD THING,,,,,, these days.....
I really am so very greatful to have the friends, family and extended family I've been able to EARN BACK again..... I know I don't tell them NEARLY ENOUGH, how much I appreciate them,, Love them, and cherish the fact they've not ONLY forgiven me,
but given me the chance to RE-BUILD the relationship..... Just know,,,, I do appreciate and love every one of you........ I'm so lucky...... for many, many reasons, but that's one of the "big ones"
as always,,, 
****************"to be continued"************************************
Links for more information on SUBOXONE TREATMENT,,, maintenance
and how to find a doctor in your area......
Scientific explanations/information on how suboxone works, in the brain

lots of information

suboxone doctor search tool--

even more                     

  here's my GRAMS......

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