Monday, June 24, 2013

Help, cuz I'm GIVING UP

I’ve never been more confused in my entire life.
And, I really hope to NEVER be again.
I guess I just don’t understand, how this situation is EVEN POSSIBLE.
Let’s totally disregard “FAIR” for a moment.
We all know  life doesn’t deal a “fair” hand,,, hardly ever. Only once in awhile do you hear about the single mother that wins the lotto, the elderly lonely man, whose long lost love , finally finds him, ETC. These stories are FEW and far between. And these days, when it’s a “post” on FB who knows if it’s even real.
So, disregard Fair, disregard, “crime fits the punishment” that doesn’t happen very often either. 
Even with NOT factoring in ANY of that,,,,,
You would think, with as much tax money as YOU AND I PAY,,,, there would be SOME COMMON SENSE in our SO-Called judicial system, wouldn’t you?
I don’t think so.
 I don’t think there’s ANY HINT of it, anywhere. If there is, I have YET to experience it.
Mike was arrested on January 19th 8:25am. Saturday..
He was released, to a “supervising officer” on February 13th, at 440pm.
It was a Tuesday afternoon. The lawyer which we paid (along with a few relatives) a total of $ 2,650 to date, informed us, he needed to “check in” to the probation office, as soon as humanly possible.
And, he’d now be on sex offender probation, so the Probation Officer would be in charge of any and all stipulations. Okay, fair enough.
Happy to be coming home, right?
 He did come home, for a week.
Let me back up for a moment. . . . . . .
He gets released from jail, did 31 days In custody, maximum security custody at Clatsop County.
The crime/allegation= feeling/rubbing/touching a 27 year old woman’s leg, from her knee to her crotch. She claims when he got to her crotch area, she pushed his hand away and said “no” and he stopped. . . . . Might as well tell the gory details right?
There it is…
there’s the “worst” it gets…..
 Moving on…..
We drive STRAIGHT out to the Probation Office……
I mean, he’s there at 4:50 pm. He wants to make absolutely sure he’s “following the rules”. I mean, wouldn’t you???   
Okay,,, they don’t do anything except say, your new Probation Officer is (let’s say PIC… she IS the person in CHARGE) and you have an “intake” appointment, next Wednesday at 130pm. Okay, so can I go home? He says. The woman behind the counter says,
well you can speak with our daily officer, about that.
 So this dude comes out from the back, looks at all Mike’s papers, and says, well I don’t see why not, your crime didn’t involve a child, and doesn’t involve sexual penetration. So, I think it’s fine, but You’ll know more at your intake appointment.
Our family is back together, FINALLY…..
After the longest Mike’s been away from me, let alone from his son. Before this time, the longest he’d been away from Sam was about 16 hours, working way across the river, and having to stay the night. For me, it was the three days he spent in county back in 2006. We (Sam/I/Mike) did speak, just about every night on the phone. So, we try to live “normally” for a week. We are upfront with the manager of where we live, letting her know EXACTLY what’s going on, even giving her copies of the papers, including the ‘victims words’ and everything. I mean, what I wrote above, is exactly what the “crime” is. The part that complicates things, is even though if you saw her on the street, or talked to her you wouldn’t know it, but she’s “disabled”. Okay, moving on…………………………..
Intake day--------- 
I’m sitting in the car, because we don’t have enough gas for me to go ANYWHERE, and I want to be there to “support” my husband. I even sent a letter in with him, explaining “our” history, in a brief timeline, my  past “issues” and how great of a Father Mike is, and how much I really need his help, after not having it for thirty PLUS days. Well I end up falling asleep in the car, because it’s taking SOOOOO long. Mike comes out, Finally, swinging the passenger door open suddenly, and he’s white as a ghost and says, Amber your not going to BELIEVE this stuff, and she’s coming out to talk to you. I’m like TRYING to wake up still…  Maybe I was still hopeful it was ALL a bad dream?
She comes out, walking about ten feet off the ground. I only say that because by the end of our discussion she makes it PERFECTLY clear, WHO is in charge of His, mine, and OUR LIVES for the next 36 months. She orders him to be moved out by 9pm, I’m sure if you’ve read my blog, you read all about how she didn’t approve of my grandmother’s house, because it’s “across the street from a park” So I won’t explain that all again, I’ll just say we did finally get a judge’s order for it.
She made all these “other” rules too.
 Some are, No going to strip malls, clothing stores, outlet malls, basically ANY store where a child or family would be, without written and direct permission. No grocery stores, between the hours of 9am and 9pm. No going to or going within 100 feet of schools, parks, daycares, ETC…… No restaurants, (a drive thru is ok) No movie theaters, No skating rink, arcade or the “like” where children or families go. Unless written direct permission is granted, in advance.
but she DOES give me the “compromise” that after he completes this
TWO THOUSAND, FIVE HUNDRED dollar evaluation ( psycho sexual)
AND starts counseling AKA sex offender treatment,
then things will change……..
 He has been granted 60 days to come up with this $ 2500, and get the evaluation done, he cannot even START his “counseling” until it’s done, according to the PIC.  Well I did have a tax return coming, I was going to try and put back into savings, since that’d been completely WIPED OUT…. But I guess we have a new “issue” that needs attention, aka-MONEY….
Mike completes his very expensive evaluation, he completes 30 days of Electronic Monitoring at the price of $60 “set up” fee and $12/per day.
Yep, everything adds up.
Anyway, he does that, his evaluation comes back, with the wrong criminal history the first time, the second time, it’s correct, and he’s graded as “medium/high” risk ONLY because of his childhood, split up parents, drug-addicted parents, abusive step-father, joining the military at 16,
 basically the Dr. (evaluator) says all of this in the last two paragraphs----
 “Mr. Cowans “crime” seems to be out of opportunity and although he needs some social skills, I do not see  Mr. Cowan as ANY kind of threat, please keep in mind his ‘risk assesment’ is almost SOLELY based on things he’s not in control of. On a positive note he scored well on mental aptitude/psychosis exercises and is able to learn and grow from mistakes. His separation from his wife of ten years, and young son is very mentally draining to him. That is  his major source of anxiety at this time. “
Okay, that was in MARCH.
ITS JUNE 25th.
He completed a “initial” polygraph test, the first week of May…
and YES he did PASS it…
 he did pretty well on it actually…
They mostly asked about compliance with Probation rules, etc.
 the PIC says, the tech didn’t ask the questions Correctly or directly enough, for her. So, he’s rescheduled for June 24th, and until then,
Okay,,, the phone contact “allowance” is what’s kept me quiet until NOW….
Because that did help keep my Sanity…..
June 24th………………….
Second, polygraph…..
Mike did well on everything except ONE question…
 it was , have you ever hit your son………………….
He says, he explained to the tech, about disciplining him a few times, for being in and climbing on dangerous things, by swatting his diaper, when he was around two. Then, he barely tapped his mouth one day, when he was three, for spitting on me….
Yeah,, horrible father, I know…
So that’s how the tech asked the question………….Have you ever hit your son, other than the times you explained to me. “no” he says……………….
.after the test, the tech accuses him of Lying. He says, No, I’m telling the truth…….. He waits for PIC…. She does the same thing, and even gets upset with him, saying she’s waiting for the “full results” remember, last time they took THREE WEEKS…..
and when she gets that back,
Now, she claims,,,
he’s a DANGER to his son……
 I’m sorry, but let’s NOT FORGET,
he wasn’t arrested or even ACCUSED of sexual conduct, wasn’t arrested or ACCUSED of BEATING CHILDREN,,,abusing CHILDREN….
ANYTHING of that nature…
Or even ME, for that matter….
Maybe it’s because I’m a FORCED single parent………….
maybe because I get all the questions,
why can’t daddy come home, why can’t I see my daddy, why can’t daddy take me to school anymore………….BLAH BLAH BLAH.
Oh, it gets even BETTER now that he’s six months older….
 He asks me if we’re divorced,
 if his daddy is DEAD,,,,,
oh yeah, all kinds of shit…… I mean, SERIOUSLY…….
I’ve got a ten page letter,,,
until today’s test was over… but I’m sending it, to the “head honcho” there at the Probation Office…. And then I’m sending copies to every single elected office,
I’m going to find SOMEONE who thinks this is STUPID………….
the only reason I get from the PIC,,, is the fact that SHE doesn’t have a reason TO trust him, so she doesn’t.
 so SUPERVISED visit………….what the hell????
Am I just crazy???
For thinking this is wrong??
This cannot be right…
I mean,
it just can’t.
But it is.
So Far,,,
 Nobody cares…..
I wrote a five page letter to Sheriff, Tom Bergin……
.I don’t think he even read the entire thing, I never heard anything back… I did call to make SURE he received it, since I sent one via email and US mail………..
the ‘assistant’ said he did….. okay? So he’s okay with this?
This is how your going to make sure he’s “okay” to be in public??
Let’s remember,,,
he could live in the grocery store parking lot, IF he wanted……
So what GOOD is all this separation??
Who’s it good FOR??
Who is it rehabilitating?
Your tax dollars at work, my friends…… remember that.
That’s all I have for tonight…
I’m so pissed off, I cannot see straight…
and I may even end up editing this,,,, I don’t kknow……
 I don’t know half of what I’ve said, Im so FREAKING ANGRY………………
I’ve managed to STAY OFF THE DOPE…. Don’t ask me how, cuz right now, I DON”T KNOW.
Before signing off,,, I just have to add a couple more things, I left out.
on Wednesdays,, Mike goes to group counseling, since he completed his very expensive evaluation.
it's $40 every WEEK.
Yep,,, adds up to 160 per month.
Plus, supervision which is $60/month,
plus the first polygraph we're still paying off, $175
plus, court fine payments,   $60/month.
Why not charge for a
I'll pay it!!!!!
I mean, who in there "right mind" would want to permanently damage such a relationship?? between father and son, when nowadays, it's hard to find a WILLING FATHER, to begin with.
I mean, what's wrong with this picture?
Sam's okay....
I mean, he's confused.. he'll be even MORE confused, if all of a SUDDEN he
can't even TALK to daddy anymore on the phone.
what do these people suggest I say?
he's discovering pieces of Atlantis?
I mean,,, this child's mind,,,
you gotta wonder what's going on in there.
he used to NEVER worry about me coming BACK from anywhere.
i could leave him ANYWHERE.
well now he's worried I'm going to disappear at the grocery store...
Well, I guess it makes sense, coming from HIS STANDPOINT.
I seem to be the ONLY ONE that gives two shits, about what's going on in HIS LIL HEAD.
I've written to Mike's "therapist"
I want to go to marriage counseling (it's required for his 'treatment' anyway)
and I WANT counseling for my poor confused son.
That was almost TWO MONTHS AGO.
I just have to find SOMEONE in a POSITION OF POWER,
who has some common sense,
or common DECENCY....
I'm not picky at this point, I'll take either one.
are you out there???

Does this family look "abused" to you?
I should add...
Mike asked this PIC about two months ago,,
is there anything more I can do, besides what I'm already doing to you know, speed this process along?
he had it on speaker phone, and she just started going off, about how much WORSE she COULD make things, if she wanted to.
how is that right?
forget, fair..... how is that, "okay"?
he hasn't "re-offended"
One violation, in ANY way, he's got a one way, do not pass "go" non-stop flight to PRISON for no LESS than 27 months... no alternative sanctions, no "time off for good behavior" nothing....
So,, he's been "good" you could say..... anyone that knows ANYTHING about him would say......
here's where it says, "supervising officer or department is in control of all guidelines/requirements/rules while offender is on probation"
here's a blog,,
written by a former, (I think he's not practicing), Criminal Defense attorney..
interesting stuff there...

1 comment:

  1. Amber, your story BREAKS MY HEART! For all involved, it BREAKS my heart! There is so much wrong with our system. Thank you for sharing your ordeal. Please know you are NOT alone. I applaud you for your strength and courage to share and NOT give up for your family!!