Friday, May 31, 2013

Where I'm at right now.........


Good Evening/afternoon/morning!!!!

First, I need to apologize, for not writing much the last month/six weeks….. Honestly,,, It’s too painful, some days. You know, I KNOW in my heart, it’s perfectly normal, to be sad or depressed once in awhile. I just don’t LIKE IT…… therefore, I don’t want to talk about it, I guess…. I mean, I DO talk about it, just not in a public way…… I’m sure most of you, can relate to that. With that said,,, those of you loyal characters, that love me for who I am,,, when you don’t see a post for a week or two,,, DON’T WORRY!!!!  Most likely, I’m fine,,, just trying to “cope” with things, the best way I can…… and SOBERLY, of course….  J 
so,,,, the last two weeks-----------
I already wrote, the "news" about Mike having to RE-take his polygraph test, but for those of you who missed it,,,,, YES< he has to take it again, because the tech didn't ask the questions correctly.... See, they ask a BUNCH of questions about sexual/physical abuse..... for example  "have you physically abused your wife or any other female since your release?"  which, was one of the questions,,,  along with sexual abuse, abuse of your son both physical/sexual,,,, and let's not forget to mention EVERY question is asked three times, to "check" against each other....... WELL he was supposed to ask, "Have you EVER--" instead....... So yep, for that reason alone, he has to take it again... Oh, and the "topper" is,,, The next "date" testing is going on, is Monday the third, which happens to be his birthday.... his PO said, I'm not going to have you take it on your birthday,,,,, and OF COURSE Mike protested,,, because they only do them ONCE A MONTH.......  Well,,,, turns out, that day was "booked"........ there JUST MIGHT be an opening though, he found out JUST YESTERDAY,,,, and he doesn't know for SURE yet, and won't until 930am or so, Monday... the test, if he does GET to take it, will be at ten a.m.   Any of you, who wish to do so, PLEASE be sending good thoughts his way..............   It'd be REALLY GREAT for him and Sam to spend some time together......
Now, on a more positive note,,,,,,,, the PO did decide to APPROVE "phone contact" so,,, YESSSSSSS   at least it's a STEP in the right direction...... a STEP.... and honestly,,, I'm really thinking, she only did THAT, because she probably KNEW I was going to go APESHIT about the re-test..... and the fact that if he does NOT Get "in" Monday,,,, he won't be able to take it, til the 26th or something..... so I'm thinking,
MAYBE BY CHRISTMAS??????? they'll be re-united........   Never saw that coming,,, I mean,,, never saw six months of NO CONTACT with his own kid, from all this..... MESS of a situation.......
****************************************************************************
If I could afford the time off from work, I'd go PICKET the CAPITOL IN SALEM,,, about these laws needing to be changed..... I could go on for hours about how much is wrong...... Just think,,,, a 19 or 20 year old, who "moons" someone, out the car window, could and would get this same label, for LIFE, and treated this SAME WAY...... or the 18 year old, with the 16 year old girlfriend.... You wouldn't believe HALF of the stories I've heard............But it happens, every day in this state, country,  
"Our America"     sure isn't the America I thought , growing up..........
******************************************************************************
How about a GOOD story????
So,,, Sam's last day of Head Start, was last Thursday.....
These last few months, I can't count the times I tried making it to one school function or another,,, but it just never happened.... Either, too busy at work, an appointment, Mike needing the car,, something ALWAYS came up..... A notice came home with him, that said they were having a "End of year Party" along with a BBQ/Potluck......   The kids would sing a few songs, put on a skit, they'd do a slide show of photos ffrom the school year, and you could get their artwork and projects... I thought PERFECT!!!  I'm MAKING this one!!!!
As the day got closer, I told Sam about it, told him I'd go, and how great it was going to be!!!  Oh I could tell he was DOUBTFUL.....
WELL----  I advised my boss,, what was 'up' about two weeks ahead of time!!! and made DAMN SURE I'd be able to go!!!  That morning,,, Sam was still looking doubtful,,,, and I did show up a few minutes LATE.... because I'm ALWAYS late...  :-0    but, when that kid SAW ME!!!!!!  wow......  made it ALL worth it.... his face LIT UP like fireworks, he YELLED to me,, "Mommy you made it!! you made it to see ME!!!"
They had already started the songs,,,, and he really wasn't "participating" until AFTER he saw me...... but it was awesome....... It took EVERYTHING in my power NOT to cry,,, when I saw his expression....... and I got just about the BIGGEST HUG EVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!  We had hamburgers together, and gathered up all his projects,,,, and it was REALLY SPECIAL...........
He's returning to Head Start next year, since he won't be "5" when the school year begins.... but I think the extra time, will do him well..... Only thing is,, he'll definitely be TOWERING OVER all the kids... Since he already IS, now....... But, oh well, that's the way it goes, I guess.....
******************************************************************************
It's hard to not be depressed some days...... I try and "sit" with my feelings, like I'm supposed to, and share them with close friends/family..... Which DOES HELP a little....  I know the emotions I feel, I am FEELING because I gave up the drugs, and this is what "normal" life, is like. Even people who seem to "have it all" get depressed.... Or at least that's what the dr. says!!!
It never lasts TOO terribly long, but it's hard NOT to isolate,,,,, and "hide" and try and not show how I feel.... I'm not sure why I'm still stuck,, with that train of thought, but it happens....  So, to get AWAY from that, I do share how I'm feeling with the people I feel "safe" doing so.....  It's still difficult. I guess I want to be "STRONG"
all the time..... I don't want ANYONE to know, I EVER hurt... or am sad.
CHANGE is not easy,,,,,, but it IS POSSIBLE...... Just remember that!!!  Because If I CAN DO THIS.... anyone can!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
******************************************************************************
I've decided,,,
I'm NOT going to "push" myself on the "getting off Suboxone" wagon..... I'll cross that bridge, when I come to it.... So, I'm not going to drop to four mg/day... I'm going to stay RIGHT where I'm at.... (8mg/day)
And, keep taking my ADHD meds, as well...... because WOW that sure helps with my ANXIETY,,, my IMPULSE control, and memory just to name a FEW...
******************************************************************************
Today, I saw a guy, I've worked with over the years, off and on. I hadn't seen him in about THREE years.....
And,,, you'd never guess, I actually ran into him, at the Dr.'s office of ALL places, doing the VERY SAME THING,,, I was.... I had NO CLUE the guy was an opiate addict, back in the "day"   and Of course, he didn't KNOW I was, either. he told me he remembers "calling me out" on it,,, but I do NOT remember... I'm not saying he didn't because I "don't recollect" a whole BUNCH from back then...... Anyways,,,, he says, You don't even look like the SAME PERSON!!!
I said,,, WELL IM NOT!!!!
"wow you look so much different with your teeth fixed!! Look at that big ass grin you got!!     ((((long pause))))   wow, you just look so much younger, too!!"
It really made me feel good, to hear that...... then he says, you've lost some weight too, huh?
yeah,, about 94 pounds!!! I'd say I've dropped some......
WOW, he says,,, yeah, you look REALLY GOOD......
well,, it didn't inflate my ego or anything, but it definitely made me feel better about myself, my current situation, ETC....... hes right ,, I'm NOT the same person... but that's a GOOD THING..........
WELL
with that I'm going to say goodnight.
I'm going to post the pictures from the "Party"  even though, those of you on my facebook, have already seen them....  :-)    Sorry,, I can't get enough of that SMILE he's got!!!!
As always,,,
thanks for all the support..... I could NOT be doing this without you......
*****YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE*****

 
 

Sunday, May 19, 2013

Mother's Day Weekend, my nervous breakdown and the week after.......


Basically,,,,
 last weekend, Friday the 10th, we found out, there was a warrant issued for Mike…….
 “theft 1” and that’s all we knew, at the time. 
As you can imagine, this is where my stress level, began to rise......
 All I could do, was wonder, what went wrong,,, what kind of 'misunderstanding' it must be, or mistaken identity, it MUST be some kind of mistake..... 
With him having the suspended prison term hanging over his head, he's been terrified of ANYTHING that would revoke his probation..... and I do mean anything.... So I know, if he's scared to go to the grocery store, outside of "allowed hours" to do so,,,, well I just KNOW he's not going to shoplift, or steal anything. Besides that,,,, he's pretty much been able to buy anything he's needed or really wanted since he's been working quite a bit.
After talking to his lawyer,,,,,,
he decided the best thing to do, would be turn himself in, with a GOOD attitude, and wait for court. So, that's exactly what he did. He went in on Saturday morning,,,, I went and saw him Sunday afternoon.
After he turned himself in,,, well THEN we found out, exactly what all this was about.....


 ******Back in 2009,,,, when his hours went down, as they normally would in winter/fall, he was getting partial unemployment benefits..... as all of you already know,
my decision making skills were at their GREATEST, then....
I don't remember the exact reason why,
but he asked me to call in and do the weekly report one Sunday night. . . . Well I did, and I thought up this great plan,,,, to claim way less hours, and get some extra money.
See,,
when you're lost in an addiction, an endless cycle of sick, high, sick, high, ETC.....
you do not care what happens tomorrow,,
you ONLY care about getting money, TODAY.
it's almost like it's impossible, for you to "connect the dots" between, your actions, and what the consequences are.
Anyway,
As I was saying, I thought it was a good idea at that time,,,,, and continued to call in weekly claims, for something like eight months....... I'd take the money off the card, as soon as it was there and not say a word about it.
well, about a year later,(2010)
He was served with papers, to go to a "fraudulent claim interview"
As you can imagine, he was confused....... until I fessed up.
At the interview, 
he told them exactly what happened. They explained to him, if he were to press charges on me, he wouldn't be responsible to pay it back..... Well, he said, whether it's her name or mine I'm still responsible to pay it back.  They never mentioned anything about pressing actual charges, OR I would've made sure I took responsibility at that time.......(well not 'exactly' that time, but you understand, what I mean)
So,,,
Now,,,, I've mentioned this suspended prison term, as part of his probation... it's a "no violation" suspended sentence... meaning, ANY violation, big or small; he's headed up state, and quickly........ Says right on his paperwork "not eligible for alternative sanctions"  
All I could do,,, ALL WEEKEND LONG,,, was stress out about him being GONE for two plus years... seriously,,, that's ALL I could think about. Between, trying to get myself "mentally prepared" and knowing that his probation officer COULD revoke his probation, JUST for the arrest alone,,,, it was I guess what you'd call a nervous breakdown......
Just like I told Mike, Friday night,
EVERY time that I THINK it's getting a little bit better-----
SOMETHING HAPPENS...............and it seems to ALL fall apart, again.... So, that's why I didn't write an entry for last weekend,,, I couldn't even hold myself together long enough to go to the grocery store.....
On a positive note,,, it didn't feel nearly as "devastating" as his arrest in January, but it was every bit as painful/stressful and completely overwhelming.
**************************
I don't know FOR SURE that it was a nervous breakdown,
but it's the closest thing I've ever experienced,,,,, and ever WANT to experience.  I felt just completely overwhelmed with several severe emotions. Mostly guilt, sadness and fear. Not a great combination.....
All in all, I think I did okay, in front of Sam... I did cry alot, but I explained to him I was just sad that Daddy was (still) gone. He understood that completely, or seemed to anyway. He almost looked relieved, to see ME show some kind of sadness, about it. I've told him, how sad I am sometimes to vindicate his feelings, but I wasn't crying at the time. 
All of my emotions kind of "built up" to Sunday afternoon, after I went and saw him. yes, once again in a jumpsuit, behind plate glass.... This time, for something I was completely responsible for. Upon returning home,,,, I could NOT stop crying. It wasn't a histerical cry, or anything like that. It was more like my eyes were a water faucet. A feeling and sensation that I've not felt, in I don't know how long. No matter what I did, it just wouldn't stop.  Certainly,, I didn't want to go ANY where, or talk to ANY one. I don't like showing that I'm "hurt" in any way, ever to begin with. So, for me to hurt THAT much, and for it to be THAT obvious, was painful, in itself. 
****************************
I had ZERO doubts, that he was going to be staying there, UNTIL charges were dismissed, or he was found "not guilty". Or, he was going to be sent up-state somewhere, and I wouldn't be seeing him again, outside of prison walls, for at least two years. 
So, I took a late lunch Monday, and went to the arraignment. I had to pay the lawyer for the court appearance anyway, so might as well go, right....
To my complete and utter shock, (his too) they did release him, on conditional release. Also,,,
apparently, this "case" had been ON the district attorney's desk since May/2012 or maybe even earlier. So, they knew about it, when he was in court, earlier this year.
After all of five minutes inside court, it was over, and so began the wait for his release, and obviously, I took the afternoon off. It would have been NICE to go back to work, but since I knew it was going to be at least an hour,,, by the time I'd drive to work, it'd be time to turn around, and go back. Oh, and to further complicate the day, I remembered Sam and I had his last home visit at 5:30.......
*******************************
After (*only) two more days of agonizing anxiety,,,, he finds out that his probation officer is NOT worried about the arrest, or charges since the "crime" is four years old. Not to mention, the length of time, the case has been pending, in Clatsop County.
That was some GOOD NEWS......  Basically,, even IF he did plead "guilty", it would   NOT revoke his probation, therefore, not imply the suspended term. However, I don't think he should plead guilty, for a variety of reasons, but at the top of that list, is that it would be that much more difficult to get him OFF supervision early........ that being the "main goal" in sight.  
Ultimately,,, that means I'll end up at some point, being charged... Yes, here we have ANOTHER reason I was absolutely overwhelmed emotionally,,,,, alllllllll weekend.
Since Mike's lawyer cannot represent both of us,,,, I spoke to two lawyers over the weekend... Both of them agreed that IF and when I do get charged/arrested, they shouldn't "hold" me, but most likely book & release. They both said, make sure to have alternative plans,,,, JUST in case, but they absolutely couldn't see me "staying" after arraignment............ So, I do have a back-up plan for Sam, and a back-up plan for the first one..... Because when it comes to your CHILD,,,, there's NO such thing, as            "too prepared"
---------------------------------------------
I had already paid the bills, last Friday, and NOT planned on paying the attorney's office. So, to say that this week/upcoming week have been ''rough'' is an understatement.... But it was money well spent, and I am GLAD I/we had it, to pay in the first place. It's just a "plus" the bills are paid, too. 
--------------------------------------------
Mike found out last week also,,,
that even though he PASSED well, on his Polygraph,,,, the Technician didn't ask the "proper" questions, the probation officer WANTED askedlllllllso he has to take it      ALL OVER AGAIN.........
nope,,,, I'm not even kidding...... She DID say that he didn't have to PAY for this one.... well thanks, cuz we haven't even paid for the FIRST one ($275)..........
So, that's coming up towards Mid June.
I really,,,, really HOPE he does JUST as well,,,,, since THIS TIME he shouldn't be nearly as nervous..... Last time, he only knew ten minutes "ahead" of time, too...
since there was a last-minute opening.
**************************************
Five days ago,,,,,,
I surpassed 25 months, sober.......  There's NO bigger sense of accomplishment, for ME, than "making" it YET ANOTHER month, without USING.......
Yes,,,
I'm still on 8mg/day of Suboxone. And that's probably not going to change anytime soon,,,,, There's no way I'm telling you "I'll never" stop taking it,,, but for now I'm under the "don't fix what's not broken" umbrella......
My doctor would 'rather' me be on 12- 16mg, but understands my reasons for being at 8mg, for now........                                                                                                                                           
In the midst of all this newest chaos, I am reminding myself to concentrate on doing ONE Thing, at least for my sobriety/recovery every single day......  I'm making sure not to make that same mistake again, and let it move to the "back burner" and become "not such a big deal" like I did a few months ago....... 
I'm happy to report, too,,,,
that I gave up my "spot" with the Here to Help program,,,, the one I found online, where the Manufacturer of Suboxone, pays for your perscription, for 12 months. See, the way the program works, is each doctor can only have UP TO three patients on it, at one time....... Just for example, when I started, I was on 24mg/day,,,, which equals just OVER   $ 750......(thirty days supply)......... with no insurance.......
But,
how much is your life worth, too, ya know??  
ANYWAY,,,, back to my point,,,
I told my dr. I wasn't going to apply again, since getting down to one film/day, I asked him to let someone, JUST starting out, who REALLY seems like they need treatment, but couldn't otherwise afford it....
He gave the spot to a guy,,, who's come in to see him about five times, over the last six months,,,,, who does well for awhile, but cannot afford a perscription on a regular basis, so he goes back to using...... Although he's tried to use at a "maintenance" dose, and "get by" til he can afford the suboxone again--- we ALL know that's a losing battle... Apparently,,, this guy was approved for the program, and it's been thirty days, now.... and he's got THIRTY DAYS on Suboxone, with NO using, at all... the dr. said that was HUGE for the guy,,,, and he HOPES it continues.... yes, me too, even though I have NO idea who it is..... that's OKAY,,, I just hope he can take advantage of that program, and land back on his "feet" like I did.
************************************
Last weekend, I was definitely at my breaking point..... I guess there really IS only so much one person can take...... 
But,,, I somehow, got through it, and I'm better now.... that much stronger, for the next Fiasco...... I'm really hopeful the "next" one isn't very bad, and is a LONG time away,,,, or AT LEAST a couple months...... (fingers crossed)
I'd like to buy a LOTTO ticket,,, but I don't even have a couple bucks for THAT !!!!!
Oh well,,,,,
that's the way it goes sometimes. 
***********************************
Yesterday,,,,
I got the skirting replaced that blew off the house, last winter.... A few weeks ago, I think a family of raccoons decided, Under MY HOUSE was a good place to LIVE....
They are A LOT louder than you'd think.......
Anyway, got that done, yes in the RAIN, yesterday and last night,,, it was basically QUIET!!!!!!!!!!! 
Which was a nice change.....
On the OTHER hand,,,,,
the Washer is broken.... like for GOOD, I think.... I don't know,,, but I did take it apart yesterday,,all the way...... and I can see where the NOISE was coming from... it's the drum scraping on the bottom of the frame or whatever.......
I thought maybe it was way too out of level.... so I put a NEW piece of plywood,        left-over from working on the outside of the house.... and screwed it down,  PERFECTLY LEVEL................ had that thing within a sixteenth......
Put the washer back together..... and guess what???
YEP,,,
STILL MAKING THE HORRIBLE SOUND.... A sound SO loud,,, the neighbor actually knocked on the door, to "see" what it was, and make sure Sam and I were "okay"
LOL
that's pretty damn loud....   I briefly looked around for a used one, in the paper and on Craigslist,,,, but then my friend told me--- they sell the top-load basic washing machines, at Home Depot for just over  $ 200.....   Well,,,, most GOOD used ones are around $100...........Looks like I'll be buying one..... And even a service call,,, is around $80/hour.... even if all they do is take it apart, to give an "estimate" on what it needs... it's still gonna run you probably a hundred dollars... Might as well buy a new one....
**************
well,,
this turned into a long post..... but I wanted to fully explain last weekend... Especially to those of you,,, who didn't hear from me, that normally would have. Sorry,,, but I just wasn't "dealing" well......
Rest Assured,,,, I do feel better, now though..... One hundred percent, better.... Still a little worried/scared about the future, and any charges I may face. But as someone told me this last week-----
"it takes awhile to wipe the shit off, after crawling outta the dung pile"
I really liked that,,,,,, it really seems that way.........
*************************
Last but not least, I'm posting a few pictures of my Mother's Day gifts from Sam.... I can't even put into words, HOW EXCITED he was to give these to me....
the hand plate, I didn't get until Monday,,,, he forgot it at school.... He and I found the "package" in his cubby, Monday morning when I was dropping him off... It was all wrapped up in tissue paper and ribbon...
He just SQUEALED when he saw it, and says, "mommy, mommy,,, this is your mommys day present, want me to open it?"
I said,,, Let's wait til I pick you up from school, okay? I PROMISE we will open it together... He agreed after a little more convincing.....
Then,
remember that Monday was arraignment day,,, not to mention parent/teacher meeting, so I picked him up early,,, he was excited about that,,,, then asked me "do you LOVE it? are you gonna show everyone?!"   OF COURSE I AM!!!  and OF COURSE I love it!!! I told him it was the MOST special gift I'd ever received.... he  was very proud to hear that....the flower he gave me on Thursday....... they planted them ,, on their field trip to home depot, last month..... I still have to take him to the second hand store, I told him we could go pick out a pot to re-plant it in. Honestly, I've never had much of a "green thumb" but I'm going to try REALLY HARD,,,, to not let this thing die...... LOL  
**************************
 Well the kiddo just woke up,,, so I'm gonna get going... at least all my "chores" are done and we can hang out & relax today.......

as always THANKS for reading, and thanks so much for all of you that support me.......                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                       


Sunday, May 5, 2013

Normal, maybe??? And a good weekend........



Things feel like they are settling down now.. I don't feel like I'm in a constant state of panic anyways.....
*********************************************************************
I recently went almost five days without any suboxone. Not because I planned it or wanted to. Because of financial issues.... the first few days, I didn't notice much of a difference, just a little more pain than usual.....stiff back, achy joints, etc.... nothing too unbearable....
day four was a real bitch, though.......
I didn't feel like I was in opiate with drawl, or anything, I was just depressed and not in any kind of a good mood,,, nowhere near my "normal self"
upon buying two films ,, ($18.79)  and placing one under my tongue,
my spirits lifted, and I felt like myself once again......
High? that's a real big " NO "... far from that...
 Normal? yes, maybe? 
as "normal" as Amber gets, anyway......
I'm still on the Strattera, by the way, and that totally helps with my anxiety level, among other things...... The only real "side effect" I've had is the first few days, an upset stomach.... It's expensive, too. So sometimes I go a week or so without it. Being on these two meds, I think I'm beginning to understand, what "normal" is.... But I'm still not sure... the jury is STILL out on that one... I'll keep ya posted, though  :-)
***********************************************************************
Mike was scheduled to take his polygraph test, on May 8th.......
but his probation officer called last monday morning, at 8am on the dot,
and said,,, they had ONE slot "open"
so if he wanted to take it now, he could... she said he certainly didn't have to, because he was scheduled for it next week anyways.
he always puts her on speaker phone, in my presence, so I can know what's going on, same as him.... Well she started to give all these reasons he "wasn't required to come in now" and so on....
Mike kinda interrupted her and said,,,, If this is the "next step" to seeing my son, then I'm on my way NOW.....
We were really busy at the shop, too. But I didn't say much, just wished him good luck, said try not to be nervous ,, (yeah right) and love ya.
he came driving back into work, down the road, 

music blaring, and a big smile on his face, I KNEW it had gone well,
just from the music that I could hear coming from the radio.
That big 'ol smile on his face, that I hadn't seen in MONTHS....
Right at that moment, it felt like the weight of the world came OFF my shoulders. And, he hadn't even spoken two words to me yet....
Well, (he says) I did great,, I PASSED IT, and the guy said,
nobody passes it, the "initial poly"
I replied,,, GREAT JOB ,, I knew you were going to do great, you've done everything by the 'book' lately, and thank God, something has worked the     WAY IT SHOULD..................it's about damn time......
About 20 minutes later,
the probation officer calls again, and says, she'll be having a meeting with his therapist, and they'll come up with a "plan" sometime in the next coming week. she explained that it takes about a week to get the "full write up" of everything, and she'll need that for the meeting.
*****************
Things worked out a little faster than that,,,, because the therapist totally went to "bat" for Mike on there be no need for supervision of visitation. All that will do is make things harder on Me, and the rest of the family. 
Wow....
I guess he really IS trying, in the therapy sessions... I mean, he's GOTTA be doing something right.....
********************
So, maybe I've accepted this, as my 'new normal'
I've come to terms with this is how things will be, for now, and I just gotta make the best of it. No,  it's not easy.... I definitely try not to think about everything that's happened, I definitely KEEP the stuff that was totally wrong,, IS totally wrong that's going on , OUT OF MY HEAD.....
all that does, is get my blood boiling a little,
makes me want to march right up to the state capitol and protest these stupid ass laws, and this "One size fits all" approach....
i mean, seriously....
we're all grown-ups here.... we ALL make mistakes...... Isn't that a part of BEING a grown up? being able to admit your faults, and try to learn from mistakes???
Well,,,
this whole mess, sure has shown ME the exact opposite... a lifetime label, and jeez, don't even get me started......
*************************
The weekend was great..... Sam had a pool from last (end of) summer, my mom had gotten somewhere.... We brought that home, friday night, and i set it up Saturday, after lunch...
that kid was in that water, alllllll day the rest of the day.....
then on sunday, I was tired of him begging me to get in the pool with him, and splashing me every chance he got,,,,
I let him invite a couple friends over,
and he had himself a mini-pool-party.....
Wow,,, he had so much fun... he was definitely worn out....
by the time he took a bath tonight,
I was washing his hair, and he looked up at me,
with those big blue eyes,
touched my arm and said,
"Mommy, I had SO MUCH FUN with you today"
*****sigh*****
Just about brought a tear to my eye.... he's a happy kid. and really,,, what more could you ask for???
Life is so hard, as it is, so very unfair, and I just don't have the heart to tell him all that crap yet....
I want him to be the happiest kid he can be, for the longest time possible.
************************
Not sure how school is going right now... from what I 'hear' he does still have rough days.
he's going to the extra classes two days a week, two hours a day.
I've seen some improvement in him listening and things like that. He's still HIMSELF,,, his old stubborn self... NO DOUBTS THERE...
But I have noticed a small difference.
We have a 'home visit' tomorrow, so I'll be getting off early from work to deal with that. And I'll have more of an idea, how things have been the last few weeks.
WELL... that's all I've got for now.
Thanks for reading.....
thanks for all of you, that support me in my daily fight, to keep my sobriety.
I sure couldn't do this, without you.
Here's some pictures from the weekend........
~~~~~~peace out,~~~~~~
~~~~~~for now.....~~~~~~