Wednesday, April 3, 2013

life today.... almost two years sober.....


My life today…………
Not exactly what I had envisioned…. But bearable still.
Some day, things will be "normal" again..... SOME DAY.....
Until then, I guess I'd better get used to MY NEW NORMAL....
which is, 
pretty much doing it all, on my own.....
Mike still can have NO contact with our son. He's had his $2,500 evaluation done. But, still has one more evaluation to do, he has to take a polygraph test, and has to be in his "classes" before having supervised visits to start with.
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Sam's starting some extra preschool classes  next week, two days a week. Every day after school, I or grandma has him "write" his name four times. I outline the "dots" that make his whole name, so he can trace them the same way they do in school for all the children. It's been two weeks, and he's Improved DRASTICALLY.
I'm hoping by doing a "little extra" with him, in ways that helped ME learn "school work" it'll be enough to help him make it, on his own. 
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ten days from now,
I'll have TWO YEARS on suboxone...... I can't really even believe it.... especially these last few months.... wow, it's been a little tough, some days.
But,,,
I'm doing it...... And, I've been down to ONE, or 8mg of suboxone a day now for well over a month. I'm going to TRY and step down to four mg, or a half of one, per day, here VERY soon..... the doctor keeps  telling me not to pressure myself...
That's his job I guess.... I don't want to screw up, THIS far down the road, that's for sure. Cravings are pretty manageable right NOW, at least. but if I didn't have the suboxone there, and the naloxone, that comes with it, I'm not sure they WOULD BE manageable....... That's the scary part.
If I was completely OFF suboxone, and screwed up,
I may not "get" another chance..... It happens to people every day ya know.
At least on a half, or even less per day, I have that 'back up' plan in place.
It could save my life.........
Well that's it for now, I just wanted to write SOMETHING,,,,
to let anyone/everyone know I'm hanging in there, 
I'm STILL CLEAN...........
Just been busy trying to be the BEST parent I possibly can be......
and it's pretty freaking hard some days, dealing with everything on my own.
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Until next time.......
One day,
One hour
one minute at a time.......

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