Wednesday, April 24, 2013

in a "nut shell"--- January till now


Hello all
I recently had a family member ask…… why don’t you make an entry, that kind of “sums it all up”   You know, what happened, and what your family is working towards, now.
What a great idea!!! Especially since, I recently edited out ,, a lot of information……
So I’m going to try and sum things up,,, best I can…
And if any close friends/family has any questions---- feel FREE to email me, my email address is---  the letter *A* then my last name plus 1216, at gmail.

*************************************
Summer 2012
So last summer, Mike started working for this medical transport company..... Before that, he hadn't worked in about a year, since we lived out in the "sticks" and only had one car, and you know, daycare is around $600/month... It just made more sense for one of us to stay home... When I started drug treatment and the suboxone program, both of us were looking for a job.....
I got hired first, and he stayed home. Until last summer, we bought a manufactured home, and got the hell out of that horrible apartment. the same month we bought the house, (june)  my workplace,,, needed a delivery driver, IMMEDIATELY... So he started doing deliveries and various things, for my boss. the very same week we moved into "town" and got into the new house, he had the job with the medical transport place.
that was in July, and from then on, when he didn't have any rides on the schedule, if my shop was busy enough, he worked a day here or there. 
***********************
November/December 2012
I was  working about 70 hours a week. We had some really big jobs come thru the shop, and seemed like we couldn't find any help, really..... 
In the first week of December, an investigator called Mike, while he was in Portland, and said she needed to ask him some questions.
He asked her over and over what it was about,, she kept saying she wasn't comfortable discussing anything over the phone.
to make a long story short, she came out to our house, about 9pm one monday night. Sam was actually sick, at the time, so i was busy trying to calm an-almost-four-year-old with a FEVER to bed.......
Mike spoke with her outside,,,,, not for very long, either.... when he came back in I asked "so what the hell was THAT all about?"
He says, "nothing, it's not a big deal"
well, it must be a big deal if there's a detective at our house!!-- I replied.
  He gave me a half ass explanation, that this lady was asking about a ride he gave two weeks or so, earlier... 
At that moment, I sat down, looked him right in the eyes, and said,,, "look mike, if there's anything we need to discuss, or anything you need or should tell me,,,, PLEASE tell me now, I do not want to hear it from somewhere else.. I have NOT been perfect... When I graduated my first 30 days of treatment, do you remember me sitting down with you and telling you all kinds of horrible shit??? you took that really well, and loved me anyway... I'm here for you.
he tells me,,, AGAIN...
it's nothing, I'm making a big deal outta nothing, and blah blah blah.......
So, I believed him...
why wouldn't I????
We've been together since july of 2000,,,, and we got married in july of 2003....
So, I dropped it.....
*************
January
Five weeks pass,,,, along with Christmas, and Sam's birthday......  Sam had stayed the night at "nana & papa's house" one other time.... 
So one friday night, my mom offered to take him, overnight, to give us a night to ourselves..... 
We were up late.... he he he ..... really late.....
Around 8am,,, a knock came  at the door, that would forever change my life.....
the sheriff came in and arrested mike on sex abuse one charges....
they also charged him with felony assault of an officer, times two.
 the whole story of what unfolded, is here.... 
http://almostoneyearclean.blogspot.com/2013/01/worst-day-ever.html
and the majority of what I went thru while he was in county jail, is well documented,,, and "safe" to leave up, as far as I know....
http://almostoneyearclean.blogspot.com/2013/01/hard-lessons-and-difficult-questions.html
http://almostoneyearclean.blogspot.com/2013/01/broken-hearted.html
I kept asking him, the first few days he was in jail, if he knew what the allegation was...
he kept saying "no, I have no idea"
I'm sure he was scared.... Im sure ANYONE would be scared to death......
Later,,,
when I ask WHY he lied, that night and beyond.... 
I lied that night I was "interviewed" because ,, I swear to you Amber, I didn't touch this woman,,, i did say some stupid things,,, yes,,, but I didn't touch her.. and I honestly thought, it would "work itself out" ya know... I didn't think I had ANYTHING To worry about, because she's 27 for ONE thing and because I NEVER TOUCHED HER...... 
And,,, I do believe him... I STILL BELIEVE HIM.....
the MAIN reasons we didn't
go all the way to trial,,,,,,,, 
One,,, in oregon, this "charge" carries a MINIMUM mandatory sentence of 75 months.... not something to take "lightly"
Second, and most important.....
during his 'interview" he was asked if he talked to this chick on the phone, and he kept saying, only concerning her ride as a client... which turned out to be bullshit.... he admitted to talking to her, after the investigator showed him phone records.....
the lawyer says... HOW will we EVER convince a jury he's being honest,,, with his first interview, he's lying like that?
hmmmmmm good question.......
**********
the allegation,,,,, "while giving (her) a ride back from longview, he first asked if she liked him, enough to kiss him. she said no.... then he reached across the van and rubbed her leg, starting at her knee and moving up towards her crotch. when his hand got "close" to the top of her leg, she pushed his hand away and said no. There was no more talking, on the ride back, until they were in front of her house, and he told her she was welcome to call him"
********
And, they did speak on the phone, twice for a grand total of 22 minutes. In that  22 minutes, Mike was being flirtatious, he did say some things he shouldn't have. but It seemed WAY consensual to me, looking at the transcripts... ESPECIALLY since she called him.... And of course they recorded it... and WHO would ever think they were being recorded???
I'm not defending him to the point,,,
Like he deserves to get by 'scott free' that's not what I'm saying at all... he should learn a lesson about lying to the detective, for sure... but THIS is a little extreme, in my opinion........and WHY does our son have to pay the price???  Why do I have to be a single parent to a very challenging four year old?? AND try to stay sober at the same time???
Pretty crazy.....
that even IF he did do that.... Pretty INSANE to me, someone can get 75 months for ten seconds of bad judgement.....
wait, it gets better..........
YOU MUST KNOW,,,,
this "report" says all kinds of things, that really get me angry..... here's just A FEW of the points,,, I'm getting at........
1.--- she's 27, supposedly disabled.... but I have a couple of friends that their kids are in the same "activities" as her siblings, and they all say you'd NEVER know it.... Mike said the same thing.... she walks/talks/acts just like you or me. AND,, it's part of the contract, of the company Mike was with,, IF you are unable to make decisions on your own, or unable to get in and out of the van UN-assisted, then you MUST have a caretaker/nurse/chaperon ride with you. 
so, why didn't she have one???  brings me to my next point....
2.--- It says also, she's disabled to the point, she cannot be home alone, since she can walk in one room of her own home and forget how to get back out of it.
(oh, but she can remember a 45 minute ride.....)  She's partially paralyzed on the left side, and partially def on that same side.
3.---Her mother, is the one who filed the report.... filed the report, and continued to make "noise" until the case was in front of the grand jury three times. Thus, the perfect explanation of why it took over a month, for him to be arrested.... 
which I may add, he worked 6 days a week, for this medical transport company in the meantime.... No other complaints, except he was speeding back from portland,,, trying to "make it" to see OUR SON with Santa Clause, just before Christmas..... (yep, what an animal)
LAST but not least......
This investigator,,,, called Mike's boss shortly after she spoke with him. His boss, Kirk asked if this was "something he should worry about, does he need to be taken off the schedule," ETC
According to kirk, she said, "no , I don't see this going much further than this, and I'll for sure let you know if it does."
He never got a call, until saturday the 19th, when I called him to let him know he'd been arrested.
*****************
What's happening now........
Mike's "in treatment" 
going to groups, and counseling. and Honestly, he's making the very best of this situation, and really taking it seriously,,, taking the opportunity to learn to be a better person, father and husband. and I'm really PROUD of him, for that.
he still can have ZERO CONTACT with our son,
which is by FAR the hardest part.....
Mike's polygraph is scheduled for the first week of may, and hopefully,,, I really freaking HOPE with ALL MY HEART,,, that it'll prove enough to get a supervised visit, or at least a weekly phone call.......
His evaluation results came back pretty reasonable... he was noted as "medium/high" risk to re-offend, only because of his "family history" of drug abuse and domestic violence (his stepdad) and it even says that's why it came out that way.... It also says, the dr. thought mike was completely ready,willing and able to complete a good counseling program, and learn from his mistakes. Go on to be a contributing member of society without future issues.  So I'm thinking that's about the best, that could have turned out......
********
We are not a "family" right now, which really sucks....
it hurts with every single beat of my heart... but I'm trying....
The Probation Officer, is ,,,, I don't know, I think maybe she's been "hardened" by all the other folks she deals with... she doesn't seem to care ONE BIT how hard this is on me or Sam.... The fact Sam is in therapy, and ESD classes now, since his behavior has just not been great since this all happened...
We do have  plans,,,
of filing to get him OFF probation around 18-24 months... there's only restrictions on where he can live, WHILE on supervision.....
I wonder, if the "victim" and that family, have ANY idea what this has done to our family????
**********
That's all,,, that's it.... In a "nutshell"
Like I said, any questions, feel free.....
~~~~
And PLEASE PEOPLE.... please..... the next time there's some new "law" up to restrict ALL sex offenders, EVEN MORE SO than now,,, please think about it fully.... 
please remember all the people prosecuted for just "chatting" in chat rooms with cops that are doing "sting operations" and prosecuted for child porn ,,, even though they had NO idea the girls in the video were under 18.....
I mean ALL the above,,
is treated the same as someone who does actually sexually abuse a child, like in real life......
Just food for thought, my fellow voters.....


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