Sunday, March 10, 2013

Preschool Evaluation Results & "passing it on"


Good Day~~~
***WOW***
What a WEEK I have had..... You know, I wouldn't say I'm getting "used" to the UN-expected, but I've come to EXPECT it now. 
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
My son,
will be starting some "extra classes" in a couple of weeks, through the preschool and ESD, the evaluations he had done, MONTHS AGO,
I had the "meeting" going over the results, last week......
    Much to my surprise, he actually did really WELL on communication and Language..... And, when he had THAT part of the test, they made the appointment for 1:15... NAP is usually at 12:30 !!!  I told them that, MORE than once, and said "I'm not responsible for the results"
anyway,, after about two HOURS, a long time for a tired 3 year old, he laid in the floor and said "time for Sammy to Nap now"
So, the "results" were that he "hit" the mark for his age, and would've ONLY SCORED HIGHER, had he finished the test.... That was good to hear.
     the rest??? Not so much....... I mean, don't get me wrong, I ONLY want what's BEST for him, and I do NOT want him to flunk kindergarten or something.... He won't be starting until 2014 anyway, and that's a good thing too, giving him extra time to "catch up"..   The 3 or 4 evaluations were done in November & December. so he'd only been in preschool 3 months... (he was 3yr 11 mos)
     The 3 areas he's "delayed" in are  COGNITIVE,  ADAPTIVE,  and  SOCIAL
~~~In the **COGNITIVE** category, the things he didn't score "average" on --- sorting physical objects by shape/color, when asked to bring (#) of blocks/something to the evaluator, he didn't, they also reported he didn't know his shapes, but HE DOES NOW, and well I might add. But I don't know if he DID know when the test was done..... He wasn't able to "memorize" a short list of numbers, or a line from a book, ETC....
  ~~~ The **ADAPTIVE** category, this one's a little strange, because it includes "self care" and personal responsibility... Sam does GREAT at self-care, I mean he uses the toilet, and "cleans up" after REALLY WELL.... Of course I've not put up with LESS in that department..... Anyway and he dresses/undresses himself, only needing help with Zippers/Buttons sometimes. According to them, that's above average, at the time of the Eval. OKAY, the part he didn't do so well on... it's sort of a long list........
he lacks personal responsibility for "completing individual tasks"... the teacher said she has to remind or re-direct him every 3-4 minutes..... (hhmmm sounds highly familiar) he  LACKS what they call "SAFETY AWARENESS" and  "Stranger Danger" because he'll talk to anyone, that talks to him, they asked during the eval, "if a stranger asked you to get in their car, what would you do?" he said, get in my car seat..... He's a friendly kid, and I hadn't really STARTED with the whole "beware of strangers" thing, until they began talking about it at school.  So, he also TRIES to pay attention, like holding your hand, when in a parking lot, but lets say he sees Grandma, he'll RUN for her, without a second thought.......he tries to climb EVERYTHING,,, he's followed me onto a rooftop up an extension ladder`....Guess I should have thought about sharing that........... to HIM it's not "DANGEROUS" because it's a NORMAL thing to watch ME do, all the time, with NO problems.....
Also in the adaptive section,,, they are concerned, he gets OVERWHELMED easily,  gets upset easily , 
and scared of LOUD or sudden noise. he ALWAYS has been. It's better than it WAS... but still an issue. The Teacher also said, he won't/can't finish a task, without constant guidance.ALSO-- he doesn't follow/participate in classroom activities.... He will, but needs the constant "reminding" to do so. AND LASTLY,,,,,
they said he CLEANS OBSESSIVELY,,,,,, and they think there MAY be some obsessive tendencies, especially compared to his peers. He wanted to VACUUM, during "Free Play" the first 2 weeks of school. by the 3rd week, the teacher HID the Vacuum, Sam would GET UP in the middle of circle time, or some activity and START CLEANING..........
~~~Last but not least, the SOCIAL/EMOTIONAL~~~
at the time of the Eval, he didn't know his last name, but DOES NOW and actually knows both his mom/dad's first and last name. But, he should have  "had that" at the time of the testing. He also didn't know boy/girl or he/she... Probably because I want him to treat EVERYONE the SAME... and not KNOW that Mom has a "boy job" for AS LONG AS POSSIBLE.... I want him to KNOW, he can do ANYTHING HE WANTS TO. 
     MUCH of what they discussed in THIS AREA,,, he is JUST LIKE ME.....   I remember my Mom having the SAME TALKS , with MY teachers......
Sam will NOT follow Classroom rules without "resistance".. He often presents a "protest" whenever it's time to do a group activity, and disrupts the entire classroom. When it's "circle time" and the teacher is reading in front of the class, Sam will go get a Book HE LIKES, and walk up, take the book out of the teachers hand and Announce "READ THIS ONE"........ Disrupting the entire class, and not even noticing. he also wanders around the room, or cleans, instead of sitting with the class. When "corrected" he'll display a tantrum or Protest. Sam will not follow rules/take turns or share, during simple games or activities in a group setting. He often interrupts the teachers while instructing, only getting louder when corrected..... Disruption of the class, was one of the teachers MAIN concerns...
the positive things they said, were he has empathy for his peers, and displays affection, wants to get along with them. Sam likes school, and has a positive attitude toward it. he helps others and wants to make someone feel 'better' when they are upset. 
But he doesn't act "appropriately" with peers during "NON PLAY" activities......Example--- Won't SHARE, TAKE TURNS, or WAIT in LINE.... 
Lastly,,, he acts anxious alot of the time, when trying to wait, or share, and often upsets easily taking  up to five mins to DE-stress. They said, THAT TIME frame is still NORMAL for his age, which was GOOD TO HEAR... He still does that, but I'm sure I "calm" him faster than a teacher can.....
~~~~~~~~~~ The last thing they discussed with me, was the "summary" 
and I took notes while the teacher was "expressing what her concerns are", Mainly that he will NOT follow directions/rules and is very resistant when corrected.... and the BASICS ARE----
He's got NO ATTENTION SPAN,  he's RESISTANT to AUTHORITY,  IMPATIENT, Easily Frustrated, a tad bit arrogant, and borderline Obsessive/compulsive and lets not forget IMPULSIVE......
. Well HONESTLY it sounds like a 50/50 Mix of his DAD AND ME,,,, followed by ONLY CHILD syndrome!! he doesn't have to "share" at home, or take turns, ETC.... there's no need to interrupt, he's the ONLY ONE>......
    The INTERESTING thing to ME,,,,,   these are ALL THINGS I have dealt with MY WHOLE LIFE.... 
I was an anxious kid, hell I'm an anxious adult.... I have been diagnosed with OCD, more than  once and was on meds for it, at 20/21.  I'm for sure ADHD, and of course the school thinks Sam is too. My official "diagnosis" is ADHD/Impulsively -- he may in fact BE..... but I'm very hesitant to LABEL him so early. They were going to "forward" the result onto his primary doctor, and suggest tests for ADD/ADHD and OCD.........
you know, what's wrong with being a LITTLE DIFFERENT THAN EVERYONE ELSE????
I hate, trying to fit my KID, into this "box"
One thing I told the "team" at the meeting was, SCHOOL is the ONLY TIME in your life, that you have to sit, and focus and not interrupt, ETC ETC.... then it's ALL OVER and the real world HITS. Even if you do have a DESK job, your on the phone, going to meetings, ALL kinds of things, so pounding this "sit still and listen" thing,  into his SUBCONSCIOUS, just doesn't "fly" with me....
   I'm NOT saying I won't address the issue, HELP him cope with it, ETC ETC,,, I'm just NOT going to teach him that his "only option" in life, is to "be THIS WAY" and conform to "the box" all the OTHER kids fit in........He's a "Free Spirit" and that's one of the things I LOVE about him.......
They talked about how they have "adjusted" some activities for Sam, giving him a tangible object to hold Or a "job" to do, and that HELPS keep him "centered"    I do the SAME THING... I have him hold the list at the store, hold my car keys in a line, ANYTHING to help him NOT "protest" as they say.... HILARIOUS........ Know what his "PROTEST" consists of????
BEING LOUD, and either stomping or throwing what ever's around.... not always, sometimes it's just yelling and crying until you GIVE IN..... Or leave the store/line/etc with him UNDER YOUR ARM... which I've done PLENTY of.......
AT LEAST,,,, it does "validate" for me that he's a challenging child... I mean, I KNEW it, but didn't know how he "compared" to anyone else's kid..... NOW I KNOW.... 
I was blessed with MY PAYBACK-----  I've apologized to my mom and dad NUMEROUS times since Sam turned two years old... they just LAUGH........ I'm sure it's NICE for them to see ME struggle like they once did. I KNOW now, WHY they said what they did, or just "lost it" once in awhile....
I do lose my "cool" on occasion,,, but I do apologize to him, for yelling & losing patience. The therapist says, that's HEALTHY for me to do, that EVERY parent loses it at least once in awhile and try not to be so hard on myself.... She told me last week, after I showed her the "packet" of results..... WELL, now you KNOW why you lose patience sometimes. Think about it, SOME KIDS WATCH T.V. or will SIT and COLOR for an hour.... even IF not an hour, at least 30 minutes..... Well, YOU can't do that, with him,,, you don't get TWO  MINUTES of that.... usually....
So,  OF COURSE you're going to lose patience, that's OKAY...... she explained more, but it ALL MADE ME FEEL BETTER......
     We had a "home visit" Friday, to follow Wednesday's appointment. The "Family Advocate" as they call her, from Head Start, came along on the home visit. Upon discussion of everything, she told me she was---
 ""highly impressed with Mike's parenting skills. He always made sure to tell him goodbye & to give a hug, let him know who'd pick him up at the end of the day. When Sam would resist a bit, he was Stern, yet Affectionate."
She also said, we should ask for this evaluation that DHS does, where they evaluate a child's "reaction" to their parent. DHS uses this as a "guide" to investigate abuse/neglect/ETC. AND, SHE used to do THAT JOB.... Now, she's at head start and she says she can spot a "dysfunctional" parent/child relationship pretty easily...... AND the thought NEVER ONCE came to mind, of ANY thing like that with Sam or either of us. Sam was always just as happy to see his Dad or me when school was over. In closing she said she'd GLADLY say all of that, or we can use her as a reference, for court, She'd gladly be the supervisor for visits IF needed, ETC.  Well it's NICE to know that at least some other people can SEE Mike is a good father, and no predator..........
*******
       Mike will be ON electric monitoring on Monday… So, NO JAIL…. What a relief…….....................  I am thankful for THAT MUCH.......
On another note......
He DOES have a court date, next week... And I'm hopeful that even though it's the SAME JUDGE as the plea hearing, she will remember talking about him watching our son, and helping with him, and LIVING AS A FAMILY.... that's the MOST important thing to ME, right now. .  . . . . 
so, the PO gave another TEMPORARY "okay" for him to stay at gram's place. she said, she'll still have to "talk to the neighbors" ,,,,, WOW.......  so, I look up online, what "guidelines" there are for PREDATORY and NON-predatory, offenders, and WHO decides, ETC ETC.......
She is USING the PREDATORY guidelines/rules for him. He's NOT been labeled that, YET, that I KNOW OF.... and the Lawyer says, she's NOT supposed to be using those rules, 
BUT when I looked it up--- According to the state of Oregon, IF you are ON supervision, your Supervising Officer  CAN make whatever rules they want, whatever they are comfortable with, ETC.... Pretty much, they can make you "abide" to whatever rule/standard they WANT TO.......
Until OFF SUPERVISION that is. Then, there's NOTHING anyone can say, about much of anything. Unless, you ARE in fact Predatory, then your not supposed to live within so many feet of a school/daycare/ETC........ But A LOT of RSO's, Register as ***TRANSIENT***.... 
then live WHERE EVER they WANT.......
that's our system, that's how it WORKS*** Or "fails", depending on what YOU think of it....
I've read some reports/studies that say, having the "registry" does NOTHING for protecting the community. The "re-arrest" rate of sex offenders, is LESS than 15% unless they have been convicted more than three times, then it's around 30%........In case you didn't know, that's REALLY LOW..... Impressive to ME.....
the "re-arrest" rate for a heroin addict is over FIFTY PERCENT!! I've read a few articles that even say more like 70%.....
**********************
This entry,, I've been working on it since yesterday, to get ALL the INFO about Sam in it.....
I had NO IDEA they "expect" all of this, by the time a kid is FOUR....... I mean, WOW.......
So, I thought by posting it, MAYBE  I can HELP another parent out there, with there FIRST child, who has NO IDEA either......
I have my moments, where I think about ALL my mistakes, and think, WOULD he have been "this way" If I hadn't have done this, or that, or the other???
I'll NEVER KNOW..... I do KNOW that I'm doing MY VERY BEST........ and ESPECIALLY now,
that I'm doing it alone......................................
If we/he does NOT get a judge's order, it could be a YEAR before they are together, again...... 
A YEAR, is a long-ass time for a four year old.
I don't think he'll EVER be able to live at our HOME again........ Not for three years anyway. Who knows what will/can happen by THEN.... With the way things have been going. 
Sometimes, I just want to give up. Its so incredibly difficult to NOT know what the next day will bring.  To not even have the CHOICE of living as a FAMILY.....
    At the end of each day now,
I think of three POSITIVE things, about the day. What ever that may be. "sam didn't have a tantrum at the store" for example. 
that's helping me stay a LITTLE positive, at least.
With that, I'm signing OUT....... Everyone have a GREAT week, and I'll write up anything we find out, in court next week.......
















1 comment:

  1. update.... If your reading the post for the first time...
    court changed NOTHING.... Still no contact with the little man... NO PHONE CALLS, no Supervised visitation... NODDA.....
    the "estimate" is late summer, for supervised visits.... IF all goes WELL or damn near perfectly
    so,
    its HIGHLY LIKELY to be longer... Much longer....

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