Saturday, February 2, 2013

what I know today, and jerry springer + cops episodes

the day was fairly uneventful..............................
I took a video of Sam earlier, when he asked me if he could talk to his daddy.
i said, daddy HAS to call US , buddy. but if you WANT, you can talk to my phone, and we'll record it.
he looked confused, at first..... 
then got excited after a small example..... LOL
when I went up to the jail this afternoon,,,
I was REALLY sneaky, and showed the video to Mike, holding the phone
just perfectly, so the "phone" you speak to each other through,was next to my smart phone, AND he could see the screen.
As soon as the part comes where Sam says,
" I Love you Daddy"
his eyes got watery..... I knew they would.... he hasn't laid eyes on him, in two LONG WEEKS.... by FAR the longest ever.
I know he kind of "needed it" though, to at least see a glimpse of him talking and moving around.... whatever keeps his SPIRITS UP,, I say.
Sam has been doing "okay" this week....
yes, he still mopes around, and still tells me all the time, he's SAD his daddy isn't home.... but we MAY have some light at the END of the tunnel,,, so we shall see what happens..........
I'm sorry I can't go into detail more right now, but as SOON as I know anything "for certain" I absolutely will post it here....
the few things I've learned,,,
is ANY sex crime case, you have a HARD TIME getting any jury to find the defendant NOT Guilty, NO MATTER WHAT the evidence shows.
I found a national website/forum/blog thing, for families
of the "incarcerated" 
it has EVERY TOPIC on there.... sex offenders/crimes was ONE.
and there's SO MANY SAD STORIES on there, of people that really DO seem innocent, no prior convictions, nothing,
sentenced to YEARS, we are talking 10 and 15 years!!! for their  "crime"
one guy, 
even had a surveillance video, PROVING he was not where the "victim" was at the time of the "attack" (he was at the grocery store, and shopping center)
he was still found guilty,,,, the judge wouldn't allow the evidence to be in the trial, the camera footage hadn't been put through the "chain of custody" properly.
yea,,, I couldn't really believe what I was reading... but then AGAIN , I've learned a TON about our so called "judicial system" the last two weeks.
there's pages and pages of these stories, these people are NOW convicted sex offenders, and even predatory sex offenders.
I also learned this week,
that Mike was charged with THREE FELONY COUNTS of assaulting an officer of the law.
YEP, UNBELIEVABLE...... I even asked the lawyer, HOW CAN THEY DO THAT???
he says, they do it every single day.
it really IS your word, against theirs. "" it's unfortunate,  and I'm sorry to say there's just not much you can really do about it""
OH, how comforting.
I mostly,
have nothing but RESPECT for the police, sheriff, ETC ,,,, I mean, they DO risk their lives on a daily basis to protect us. . . .
BUT,,, I never saw THIS coming, or I would have recorded the whole  ""episode"" that played out in real life in my house two weeks ago.
THAT episode,
seems to be a MIX of Jerry springer and cops.
that's the ONLY time I've seen MORE bullshit in my life, , ,  is on the Jerry springer show.....
we are SO FAR beyond bullshit and lies at this point, it's not really worth getting "worked up" over,,,,,,, again.
another question I have,,,
is HOW his charges went from "resisting arrest" to three counts of felony assault, when he got to the jail. . . . and NO he didn't fight when they got him out of the sheriff's car either(at his current residence),,,
 I've already asked!!!! when they left here, that's what the sheriff told ME,,, "and now resisting arrest"
Anyway,,,,
that's what I learned this week....... this whole horrific situation, has been quite educational on our CORRUPT judicial system,,,,,,,, I always thought before, people that were in the county jail, were there because they deserved to be......... and honestly there was a time, 
in MY LIFE, where I KNEW I deserved to be there, as well. hell, I EXPECTED to be there.... 
one more problem I keep hearing about over and over,
is "a jury of your peers"
NEVER happens.... I mean let's take for INSTANCE,
Clatsop County.... where it's mostly retirees, and working people... but the people that are MOST often on the jury around here, are over 50 , upper-middle income (or more) and/or highly educated. 
I don't know how that's ever considered a "jury of peers" but that's the way it WORKS,,,, and NO wonder the "guilty rate" is 82% for all sex crime trials.
It's MY opinion, 
a jury of your "peers" would be folks that have the same amount of education, around the same income Bracket at least,,,, and you know,
"match" a little bit better... so they can SEE where your coming from.
Like, 
Mike being nice to this "victim" for instance... one reason is he was TRYING to be nice to EVERY SINGLE CLIENT,,,,, he was making DOUBLE what he was used to.
Of course, he wasn't going to say "what the F are you talking about?"
Now,
I'm not so sure, someone who's used to making FOUR TIMES that amount, would understand that.
Most all the lawyers I talked with, said they (jurors) make up their mind BEFORE ever even hearing testimony anyway........
Now,
I'm NOT pretending I have all the answers, here.... No, I have NO IDEA
but I do KNOW there are some HUGE PROBLEMS in this area......
everywhere, I guess would be more appropriate to say.
the entire "system" needs an overhaul....
and meanwhile, 
there's people being locked up for years and years, that did very little or even nothing wrong.
On the other hand, you have plenty of guilty people, walking free due to "technicalities" or small little mistakes with paperwork or appeals, even evidence packaging, and THOSE are the ones that are REALLY a "threat" to society..... don't even get me STARTED on the "revolving door" thing.......
I'm still shocked,
all it takes is one phone call, one two minute statement, that doesn't even seem  "solid"  for a man to be put in jail, and sit there, for weeks.
From the outside looking IN,  by people who don't even know that much about us, they even say it's ALL  A MESS..... and BECAUSE it sounds like a BS Story to begin with.
I'm not going into details, NOW, but believe me, I will someday in the future. and YOU can judge for yourselves..........
**********
I figured out the TAXES............but I'm waiting on ONE FORM, that
"isn't available until 2/8/13"   That's it, as soon as that's available, I'm 

E-Filing it, and that's done..... then it's off to bankruptcy court, so I can get this DAMN GARNISHMENT GONE..............
when I start getting ALL my check again,,,, minus payroll taxes of course.......
we will be JUST FINE to pay the bills, and everything on what I make... Mike may go back to school, I really do NOT care what he decides to do.
honestly, I just want my family back together, at this point.... :-)
I know the first order of business, will be some work on the house,,, that's a definite plan of action. I just have NOT had the time to deal with it.
HE will be able to, and that's a really huge help. NOT to mention "no daycare"
will HELP TREMENDOUSLY, as far as the household bills go........
Sorry, If I've already said some of this, or a portion of it, I can't remember what I've shared already.... I did "skim" the last couple of posts, to see, but I just cannot remember EVERYTHING right now.
*********
It's been  a REALLY LONG two weeks....... I guess there is a certain "comfort" you have with someone, after so long together. I know I said before it's like walking around missing an arm. but it's MORE than that. 
It's just the peacefulness I feel, when he's HERE with ME. and US.......
He's loved me no matter what,
over the years. that's where I think PART of it, comes into play. It doesn't matter what kind of day Im having, he's going to STAY no matter what.
One positive thing I've found,,, thru this experience,,,
is I have finally proved to HIM ,,, that I love HIM the SAME EXACT WAY....
just like he believed IN ME, throughout my struggles.
That's been a good thing, for ME to be able to kind of "pay it forward" for lack of a better term.
*********
We are still talking twice a day, and I go see him on Saturday and Sunday for a half hour. he has actually three "blocks" of time, a half hour each. but honestly, I cannot sit on the metal stool ANY longer than thirty minutes!!!
that first weekend, I went up to visit, the second day I went ahead and signed up for an hour....... well half way thru,,,,, when you have to start the stupid phone thing over again, he says, "are you sure you want to sit here another half hour?"
My butt hurt bad, from the metal seat,,,, and I said, "I'll sit here with you, it's FINE, I'm here"
"well, I'd rather just call later, these cuffs bother me (his waist and ankles) and the seat sucks, and I can't hardly hear you anyway, but it's been REALLY NICE to SEE YOU" (mike said)
"okay,,,,, ha ha ha ha, I think we are GETTING OLD BABE"
he laughs, at that....... and we say our goodbye's .
THIS WEEKEND,,, wasn't nearly as bad, as the second, and NOWHERE like the first two days, I went up there.
He's definitely CALMED it down, and accepted that he can't do A THING about where he is,,, might as well put your best foot forward and deal with it right at the present time...........
I just keep telling him we BOTH have incredibly hard "roles" to play right now, they are both highly stressful, 
but just in about the MOST OPPOSITE way. He agrees,,, and we both would like to trade places, about now..... LOL
**********
WE WILL GET THROUGH THIS TOO..... and come out on the OTHER SIDE, a stronger family for it.... a stronger marriage because of it !!!!!!!
**********
Sam is meltdown CENTRAL these days.... and he HATES the "learning center" he goes to , after head start......
Im pretty sure, that FIRST WEEK, when I told the head lady and his teachers, what EXACTLY was going on at our home...... I know they talked about "it" amongst themselves, because someone I did NOT tell asked me....
It was soon after that,
he did NOT want to go back after sometime around this day.... and  has thrown a tantrum EVERY DAY SINCE..... when we go there.
when he goes to Head Start, well that's the EASY PART. he actually LOVES head start..... I was JUST as upfront and honest with THAT school, too. but they helped get a counselor out to our house, instead of whatever took place, at the learning center.
I posted about it, when it happened, but Sam "announced" one morning that his daddy was jail, he's lost and he's NOT coming back...... Yes, it was definitely hard to hear, and see the look on his face... 
Anyways,
it was after that he did NOT want to go back.... and he has PLENTY of friends he gets along with,, I've asked LOTS of questions about WHY he doesn't want to go, so that's the ONLY THING I can figure out.
Let's NOT forget, 
that we can leave him "open" to drop off rates,,, for future use.... In case Mike has an appointment, or something, anything that comes up, really.
That's after he gets home anyways.
so, that sounds like the "plan" to ME.....
Maybe he'll be "just fine" with the place, after his dad is back home??
I really have NO clue.
the counselor did warn us, that he may "act out" even after his dad IS home. and let us know, it's something to watch for. 
It's fine, I'm just ready to MOVE FORWARD,,,, heal and grow from this experience, and just be DONE with it, all together.


That's all I've got for now.... HOPEFUL for some GOOD NEWS ON MONDAY,,,,
and I'll keep this updated, of course.
Thanks for listening, thanks for reading,
thanks for all the support I've received from everyone that knows me.....
even the ones that don't know me that WELL, have been MORE than supportive of this situation.
My boss(es) especially, have been MORE than understanding, patient, and willing to work with me on schedule. (like tu,w,th I can't drop Sam til 8am, so I get to work at 830am now) but I guess that's part of my "pay off" for working soooo very hard, the last almost two years.......   :-)

here's the footage from today..... that Mike did get to see, 
through a one inch pane of glass........ 

the one below, is from last week.
Sam was laying in the hall, wouldn't talk to me or anything.
I started recording, and his daddy called, 16 seconds after 'record'
but you get the general idea, that he's very sad, missing daddy........










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