Saturday, February 23, 2013

My Never ending Nightmare

It's bad again...... Pretty much all screwed up, AGAIN........
Honestly,
I do not even know where to begin today.
it just feels like, things are never going to be anywhere near normal again........ It feels like, this will NEVER end. I never know what the next day will bring.......
This time it's because we didn't have a  ***SPECIFIC*** order from the judge.
The judge(the peach!), kinda left things up to the Probation Officer, and we are getting NO favors, there. Hopefully, the attorney can do something ~~~ and FAST,
because once you read all this , I'm sure you won't believe it either.
First off, I'm just not sure whatever happened to "the punishment needs to fit the crime"
I'm not sure where I FIRST heard that, but I know I heard it somewhere, and I'm fairly sure it's
what our "criminal justice system" is supposed to outline.....
Hmmmmm well it's not the case here.
~~~
first, I want to explain how I'll never, EVER use US Bank for anything again, in my life.
Mike opened an account in late December, in his name since we both kind of needed an account to be able
to cash checks and what-not.  I had opened one, at the small, private bank where my payroll checks are written from. He decided to do the same thing, and that happened to be U.S. Bank.
Well,,, while he was in county jail, a payment went through that I had no idea about, I had the ATM card, so I could deposit his last check from work, and pay bills, ETC.
A six month fee came through, something about a game he used to play online, over the PlayStation network, and I'm sure he just didn't realize it, and I had no idea.  To make a long story short, I had money in the account to cover a couple of bills.
As the PlayStation thing, came through first, Then the two bills I had set up, the account became overdrawn about $350.... Now about a THIRD of this was fees....Of course!!!!
Well,
the 14th, the tax refund went through, Only the bank decided to 'flag' the account for fraud since they still considered it "new" and it was negative longer than ten days. Apparently, that's a BIG DEAL, even though, the tax return was almost two THOUSAND DOLLARS.
So, they got THEIR money of course.
Well the deposit "showed" online, Tuesday, after the holiday... Naturally, I went down to the ATM that morning, to GET money and go to the bankruptcy lawyer's office. Well that was the PLAN anyways.
the ATM told me, the card was "invalid"
I called the 800 number, said the same thing. Waited on hold for 25 minutes, and then got disconnected.
So, I had Mike start calling. . . . . . It IS his account, after all. ........ I won't bore you with the details of call after call after call,,,, and this person and that department. Basically we went to both local branches, and Mike spent MOST OF THE DAY, on the phone. to sum it all up,,,,
they wouldn't give him ONE DOLLAR,,, wouldn't write out a cashier's check, NOTHING.
he has to WAIT ,,,, 7-15  BUSINESS days,, for a cashier's check to MAILED OUT.....
nice, huh?
yea, not exactly what I had planned. So, another week of payroll, if not TWO more paychecks that I'll only see half of, and let's not forget all the bills that I seriously need to pay,,,,,  uhh... yesterday.......
so, that did NOT make me happy,,,,, I was soooo mad I was seeing red, for sure.
~~~
Mike had his "intake" appointment at probation, last week..... Wednesday to be exact. I got off work early, since I thought he'd probably get set up on house arrest, and you know, I wanted to be there for him, I didn't know exactly what was going to happen or be said, and he was pretty nervous, as it was.
Well,
it turns out, he's not supposed to have ANY CONTACT with his son.... NOTHING.
he's not allowed to see him, at all.... he's not allowed to speak to him on the phone, even.
Mike's been ORDERED by the judge, to have that evaluation I talked about before, YES the one that costs $2500.
I asked, how can they "order" you to pay for something, you do NOT have the money for?
the PO (probation officer) says,
"he has sixty days to come up with it. he cannot even BEGIN his treatment classes UNTIL he has the evaluation done.  He will go in front of the judge, in sixty days if he doesn't have it done. Furthermore, If you guys do want to live together, if he wants to see his son, he has to start treatment first. He must have written permission from the therapist that will be doing his classes. And, usually it's about 4 months, before that's even on option. they usually start out slow, with short visits, and someone else present. Also, he has to have a polygraph test, where they ask if he's ever victimized his son, and it's all going to depend on whether he's deemed predatory, or not(via the $2500 evaluation), and how the polygraph turns out, if/when he'll be having a relationship with his son."
Talk about a shock.....
Now, it gets better, don't let me lose your attention, YET..............................
I said,
this was NEVER brought up with the lawyer, or anything else. We seriously had NO IDEA things would be 'this way'. She says, well the ONLY other way around it , other than what I've laid out, is to have a specific judge's order, saying so.
I'm like, "okay, we'll WORK ON THAT, as well."
In the meantime, I guess he can stay at my grandma's house.
the PO says,
"well actually Mike talked to me about where she lives, and the fact that it's right across the street from a park, well that probably isn't going to work."
what do you mean?
 (remember, he's not a predatory offender, like you see plastered all over the Internet, he plead guilty to *attempted sex abuse*,  the victim,, is 27 years old)
the PO---
"a sex offender cannot live next to OR adjacent to a park, school, shopping center, bus stop, or any other like-place where kids congregate or MAY congregate"
but his "crime" wasn't against a CHILD.
"it doesn't matter, and I don't make the rules, I just enforce them"
you cannot make an exception?
"well I'm going to go look at the place, and I'm giving him a temporary okay to stay there, until I go look around, but I'm saying it's most likely NOT going to work"
(me)-okay, well there's a PREDATORY sex offender, that lives right on the OTHER side of the park, like the property BORDERS the park!!
PO--"well he must not be on supervision then, once they are off supervision, there's not much we can do"
(me)OHHHH!!!!!!!!
so people that ACTUALLY molest children, they can LIVE WHEREVER THEY WANT,
but someone just having a charge in the CATEGORY of that, THEY can't live across the street from a park, have I got that right?
PO--  "I don't make the rules"
*****sigh*****
She gave him until 9pm to move out. and I said, so If he can't stay with my grandma, WHERE is he supposed to stay?
"the restoration house in seaside is ONLY $450 month"
WHAT? are you JOKING? how the HELL am I supposed to pay THAT, 600 a month in daycare, MY BILLS, and a $2500 evaluation?
(silence)
This is RIDICULOUS!!!!!!
what about the men's homeless shelter?
"well it's next to a women/children's shelter, so NO he cannot stay there"
OMG
WHERE IS HE SUPPOSED TO STAY????
(silence)
so we go home,,,,,, pack his things, I tell Sam the horrible news, that Daddy will be at grandma's and cannot stay with us, for AWHILE.
he's highly upset, OF COURSE.
the next day,
I was doing some thinking, I thought, HEY, if Sam and I stay at grandma's house, then Mike could stay at the house, at least THEN< I'd have SOME HELP with Sam ya know!!!
I call the PO,,, and leave a message saying just that, that it should be fine, as long as Sam isn't there, right?
NOPE
guess what?
she says, he can NEVER LIVE HERE AGAIN,,,,, it's a trailer park..... I said, there's NO KIDS on our STREET, except Sam.
PO--NOPE, never again, will he be able to live there... I was just in there about two weeks ago, and I saw about fifty kids getting off that bus, that bus stop is really close to your house.
OMG
are you KIDDING ME? the ONLY reason we'd even BE ABLE to "make it" on MY INCOME, would be because we LIVE HERE.... there's NO CHEAPER place, since the space rent is 350, and there's no payment on the house.
PO---
"well it's probably time you started looking at another place to live"
Oh yea ? ? ? LIKE WHERE????
an apartment?
"no, apartments are no good, too many kids"
well I cannot, CANNOT afford  a thousand PLUS dollars a month rent, plus utilities, that's just NOT going to happen. . . and seriously, who's gonna rent to us, now???
all she keeps saying,
is she doesn't make the rules, she just enforces them, it's either that or he's going to prison for 25 months. well at least then he wouldn't be HOMELESS!!!!!
and people wonder, why sex offenders register as transient????
Ummm yea, NOW I KNOW.
and how is that better??? how is it better to be transient, than at least STABLE somewhere where the ACTUAL dangerous ones, can be watched????
Okay,
I'm done ranting now. It's just completely unbelievable, that ONE statement, can go THIS FAR to ruining some one's life, , , Not to mention their family, and everything they "know"
~~~~~
The Bottom Line
Okay, so the NUMBER ONE thing, people ask, is "am I getting the whole story"
well, I'll tell you the horrible details, the reasons why we didn't go to trial, and you decide for yourself, if he deserves what he's getting... what I'm getting, and what Sam is getting.
Remember back to when I said the investigator came out to the house?
around the weekend before Christmas......
she asked Mike about the ride, about the woman, and about any phone calls/texts they exchanged.
Mike claimed he only texts her one or two times, just that day, the day of the ride. Same with the calls.
by the end of the conversation, she showed mike the text that she had "logged" in some report, he didn't know then, that the calls had been all recorded, but he DID fess up, and apologize for lying about it in the first place.
he lied to ME, about all of it, of course.
And that hurts, yes,,,, but honestly WHO WOULD THINK, you were being recorded???
this 27 year old woman, sending pics of herself, and texting you, trying to call you, just put yourself in HIS shoes for a moment. have you EVER flirted with someone other than your spouse?
I'm sure if your honest with yourself, the answer would be at least once.
Back on topic here,,,,,,,,,,
he DID lie to the investigator , at first. . . . then apologized at the end, and said he was scared, because he didn't do ANYTHING wrong.
The lawyer, told us, How can we convince a jury, that he's telling the truth after that, when the "deck is stacked against him" to BEGIN WITH????
Oh, and the other part, so yes, he did flirt with her .... he did...... Is that illegal?
I wouldn't think so, I'd think it was BORDERLINE ENTRAPMENT, but Im no attorney.
So,
on top of not being able to live together, him not being able to see his son (at all) and having NO PLACE TO LIVE,
now we are working on our marriage. Because I am hurt, he lied. I am upset, he flirted and lied. I think I would be able to handle the flirtation thing, IF I would have heard it from HIM and not read about it, in police reports.
He's sorry, I'm sure he is,,,, and I'm fairly sure that a MONTH IN JAIL is plenty of punishment for lying and flirting over the phone.
I STILL BELIEVE him..........
I do,,,, because when he looks me in the eyes and tells me, I believe him.
When we talked about all this crap in marriage therapy last night, he told me every detail, every thought he had, during those phone conversations. (there was two phone calls)
I CAN get over it, but I don't know HOW, when we cannot even live together.
He feels so much shame, guilt and regret, I don't even KNOW how to help.
I know the feeling WELL though,,, I felt the same way looking at the financial ruin, I had put us in,
after my addiction.
WE are still dealing with that.... but at LEAST we could live together.... at least we could still be a family.
honestly,
I don't want to give up on 12 whole years together, over 20 minutes of phone conversation.
Hell, I flirt with the older guy that owns the paint store, EVERY TIME I go there... he's got this NICE car, and yes, he's married.....( LOL) he's much older than me, but good-looking for an old guy!!!
IF I was being recorded,,,,,, Ohhhh jeez, I can't even IMAGINE how much trouble I"D BE IN!!!!!
~~~~~
Thats the story.... the reason he didn't fight.... facing a 7 year MIN mandatory term.
Still think he should be labeled a predator????
I don't think he's even CLOSE..... I don't think anyone who's talked to him longer than 30 minutes would
give him that "label"
they might think he's an asshole, a little out-spoken, but NOT a sexual predator in ANY form.
and I'm sorry,
but would "that kind" of guy,
go to parenting classes and workshops? No, the kids are not present..... LOL
He's such a good father, loving and understanding. Yes, he's lost his patience once or twice over four years, but he's NEVER hurt our son,,,, I don't think he COULD, if he tried. . . .
the first few times he had to "discipline" him, as a toddler, I'm talking about time out, and taking things away,,, he had TEARS IN HIS EYES.
Just like the first time he heard "da da" and "I love you daddy"
Yep,
your tax dollars are keeping a REAL MONSTER away from children.
Just like, we are winning the "War on Drugs"
^^^^^^^that's the funniest thing I've heard all week!!!!!!!
~~~~~
Well, somehow I'm still sober. I wish I could say HOW, I'm not really sure???
I'm seeing my addiction counselor again, and I'm going to group counseling again, like I did about a year ago...... My (suboxone) doctor, is also making me come IN to see him, every Friday right now. And, that's okay, all of it....
I mean "don't fix it,,,, if it ain't broke"
right?
Seems to be working, so I guess I'll just keep doing it.... Because a SLIP of any kind, would only compound the problems at this point. and I KNOW THAT, I remind myself of that, all the time.
Being an "open book" helps, too.
I don't know why, but NOT HIDING anything, helps keep me honest I think.
Something like that?
I'd almost say,,,,, I was a compulsive liar when I was using. Pretty much EVERYTHING that came out of my mouth, was bullshit. If it wasn't 100% bullshit, it was at least 80%-----
ha ha ha ha
(I was being serious, though)
~~~~~~
Work's going allright, Sam hates the daycare place, still..... So that kinda sucks... to take him to a place he doesn't want to go. I really HOPE the attorney can fix this.
If we could just get a judge's order saying it's OKAY for us to live where we live,
and TOGETHER,,,, I honestly think I could handle everything else. No, it won't be a picnic, but I think I'm strong enough to tackle it all, to help Mike through it, like he helped me through detox, counseling, and beyond. I'm sure that was NO picnic for him, either.
I am confident, my husband won't ever lie to me again, I'm SURE he'll think twice or four times, before EVER flirting with ANYONE again....... wouldn't you? I mean seriously, who would EVER think something would go this far? 
The "victim's " actual allegation is that he did this while driving 55mph down the road. Just so you know......... And, I'm sorry, but IF he were a sexual predator,,, WHY would he STOP when she supposedly pushed his hand away???
that's the whole allegation.... he groped her leg/upper thigh area, and she pushed his hand away, he stopped. . 
so, even IF he did in fact commit this crime, we are talking about 3 minutes maybe? and paying the REST OF HIS LIFE, for that three minutes......

~~~~~
anyways,,
that's where we are NOW......
it really sucks.... Especially since Grandma wants to have Sam at her house sometimes, but Mike and Sam cannot be together,,,,,, makes things HIGHLY COMPLICATED.
and heartbreaking.
Keep hoping for us, keep praying for us, we need ALL THE HELP WE CAN GET NOW
Just like they say in recovery,
you can NEVER have TOO MANY PEOPLE IN YOUR CORNER.
be careful out there, everyone.......... It IS a jungle.

1 comment:

  1. WOW! Don't know what else to say. Not even sure how I got here. I think from another blog from a methadone forum. Anyway I'm going to read further post to see how things are going.

    ReplyDelete