Tuesday, February 5, 2013

18 days and counting

Yep, eighteen days (so far)
doesn't seem like that long, right?
Feels like it's been months, already. Especially in a society where your supposed to be
INNOCENT until proven GUILTY......
well I know for a fact how much bullshit that is, now. it's only IF you can PROVE
innocence, that you are. . . that's it.
If you do NOT have some kind of solid proof you ARE in fact Innocent, you might as well just start looking at plea bargains. that's MY advice.
and even WHEN you do that,
its still WEEKS or maybe even MONTHS before
your out of jail.
Look, that's exactly what's happening, here.
His next court date is the 13th...... a week from tomorrow.
So, I would THINK we could have all this paperwork, and crap
sorted out by then, but WHO really knows.
Until then,
he's missing bedtime stories, good morning hugs,
family dinner time, and everything else that comes with a normal life.
We are only talking once a day now.
which really sucks, but it is what it is.
Frankly, Im having to pay all the household bills, AND daycare, which daycare is about 60% of what I take home, thanks to that lovely garnishment.
a fifteen minute call costs about $15, so it's already been 18 days,
YEP adds up really fast. so, once a day, for now.
at least we have THAT.
Until today,
I've been able to "stay strong" on the phone with Mike, and not let on, that I was falling apart.
but I broke today,
I didn't know what to say, I didn't have ANY more encouraging words to tell him............ I was all out of answers.
I AM all out of answers.
I still have HOPE, but that's drying up pretty quickly,,,, too.
there's just nothing left for me to do, I've done everything I can possibly think of, made every call, knocked down every door.
I'm exhausted.
every single day is an emotional roller coaster, of
?? will he get to come home???
or is he gone for YEARS???
it's just soooooo insane to me,
that everything was GREAT one day,
and SO completely TORN UP the next.
there's so many other people out there, that "deserve" isolation
for more than one 'offense' they've committed.
Hell, I deserve it more than he does.
Before this happened, he'd never been charged with a felony, never been on probation, nothing like that.
MOST people that reach 37, IF they are "trouble makers" of any kind,
well they've been on probation, or been charged with a felony at least once in their life.
mostly , they are in and out, as you'd say their whole lives. I guess that doesn't really "count" for much at all right now, though.
My heart aches for him in there, for my son out here,
and for him to be HOME sooner than later.
If only I had an answer for when his lil boy asks me when Daddy will
be home, that would be nice.
At least we'd KNOW SOMETHING.
the sun will come up tomorrow, for day 19.
I don't know how much fight I have left in me.
all I can do is my BEST,,,
and I'm definitely doing that.
Keep us close to your hearts............
                                         ~~~~~thanks for reading~~~~~

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