A blog about the journey of recovery from opiates. Recovery and being clean, is not to be ashamed of, but worn like a badge of honor.
I hope my story helps anyone who is recovering or who is helping someone with their battle in recovery. I'm sharing about suboxone (buprenorphine) treatment, and how its helping as well.
Sunday, January 27, 2013
Hard Lessons and Difficult Questions...
THINGS IVE LEARNED THIS WEEK.........
~~~I am MUCH stronger, than I EVER realized.....
~~~a GOOD defense attorney, makes the BEST SIDEKICK ever
~~~when you are a genuinely caring person, you RECEIVE genuine care in your time of need.
~~~ kids "pick up" way more than you think
and last but not least.......
Mike did alot more chores around the house, than I EVER REALIZED~~~
this is just about the worst situation, ever.
but I'm hanging in there.
this has definitely SHOWED me how tough I REALLY AM.
I thought I was tough, before.....
BUT watch out now!!
ha ha ha ha ha ha
If I can stay clean through this ORDEAL,,, I can stay clean through ANYTHING
honestly, it hasn't been TOO hard, in "that" department.
Of course that was my FIRST thought, as they are dragging my husband off to jail ...................I'm wondering EXACTLY what avenue I'm going to go "down" after this is all Dismissed/cleared/acquitted ~~~~For some reason,
the sheriff charged Mike two counts, assaulting an officer..............WELL
there's always MORE to the story, isn't there???
As I was completely shocked, horrified, scared, whatever you want to say,,,,
I look out my dining room window,,,
AND WHAT did I see???
I saw two sheriff deputies, laughing, joking (or something?) AND
using a digital camera, to take PICTURES OF THEMSELVES......
(Now I wish I would have been "together" enough to take a few of them!!).
I watched them,for a few minutes, and thought YOU KNOW, SURE ENOUGH, as soon as they get done there, whatever they THINK they are documenting......they are going to SLAP mike with MORE CHARGES......
AT THAT MOMENT................. I dug out some notebook paper, and just went to town, writing EVERYTHING DOWN......... every little detail.
all the questions they asked, everything....
it's VERY DETAILED.....
and I even put on PAGE ONE, why I started------------I described how they were posing in front of each other, taking pictures of their arms and everything, smiling and laughing, like it's some BIG JOKE----I was NOT IMPRESSED,,,,,,,,and honestly I know some people say we hold police officers on a pedestal sometimes,,,,,, I realize they are just people like you or I,,, and I can even get over the fact OUR HORRIFIC situation might be funny somehow to them, but that was neither the TIME or the PLACE to make a scene out of what just happened...........especially NOT with his wife, standing in the doorway completely dumbfounded....A respectful gesture of "is there anything we could help you with",,,,,,would have went A LONG WAY
instead of making fun of us, right out in the driveway.
I understand that a " sexual predetor " is like the scum of society, yes BUT
let's NOT forget this is only an ALLEGATION and if they would have read what they were arresting him for, well then THAT might have been their funny joke, instead.
Six years mandatory minimum for this complete fabrication of a statement is just incomprehensible to me. (In THIS DAY and age.)
I just went ahead and started writing everything I could remember,
every small detail I could remember..... Even the deputy explaining to me since they had talked on the phone that he MUST be guilty.....(mike talked/texted each client, every day)
they "KNEW " he was guilty, when they showed up...... and furthermore,
they "knew" he was going to FIGHT THEM , when they got here.
I can't even put into words how much tension I felt, when they came in, as they walked down the hall into the bedroom.....I was MORE than cooperative
with every single thing they asked.....After I wrote what turned out to be a ten page statement on notebook paper,,,,, I walked into our bedroom and took pictures of the "aftermath" everything from the curtains and plugs torn out of my wall,
to the black boot marks,
UP the walls.
Just how the hell one man in underwear is so dangerous, is beyond ME.
especially with the "accused" yelling-- ouch, ouch, Im not an animal, PLEASE STOP!!!!!! ouch ouch.........
Mike puts up a convincing 'tough guy' persona, but he's learned in his time
NOT to fight with the police. He only wanted to know WHAT EXACTLY he was going to jail for....And, NOW I guess I understand WHY they didn't want to tell him.
Isn't it amazing how ONE SMALL statement, can affect so many different things? Mike's boss came and got the medical van yesterday. Along with his phone and all the other crap, that was his....I'm not sure what's going on THERE is quite legal, but I do know that Mike will be somewhat 'broken' for at least a little bit.....I haven't really asked him,,,,about going back to work for them..... I think if he does do it, we'll be having a surveillance camera installed, at the VERY LEAST.......That's the question I find myself,,,,,most often asking.---why did his employer NOT install some TYPE of surveillance AFTER THE FIRST ISSUE????
He said,,, that night Mike called him,,,,
"we've had allegations like this in the past, and they always work themselves out,,,,,, this has happened o, maybe three times over the last two to three years."
BUT, when I asked LAST weekend,,,HOW exactly did they "work themselves out" he wouldn't tell me...... all he said was that they ended up okay, at the end......I said, well THIS SITUATION is NOT working for ME.
Just so you know.
honestly I'm just fine with me working, at least for a bit. Mike will at the very least need some time to heal here. And he's worked on and off for my boss, over the last two years, I'm sure when it's busy that will be the same.
He was just STARTING to trust people, come out of his "shell" a bit and open up. WELL I'm sure you can imagine how this whole experience will be a huge step back, in that department.
This last week,
I've thought a lot about people who have been sexually assaulted,
and you know, (horrible) things of that nature.
I completely, whole heartedly understand,,,,
NOT being able to report things, for hours or even days.
when allegations take WEEKS to report,,,,
they shouldn't be able to just RIP some guy out of bed on Saturday morning, bringing insanity to every aspect of his family's life.
Sam was basically sent home from the learning center every day this week.
I did by choice pick him up early, twice.
I'm REALLY PROUD OF Mike for NOT freaking out,,,,
for what's going on here..... He's got every RIGHT to be upset,
about all this.......
and you know, a few years ago if something like this would have happened, he'd be doing TIME for sure, for SOMETHING,,, some kind of freak out along the way.
It's a weird feeling, having SO MUCH history with someone,
knowing you've "grown up"
pretty much right along side each other..........
This will only bring us CLOSER TOGETHER, and STRONGER than ever,
when it's all said and done.
One more thing, we've MADE IT THRU and came out on the OTHER SIDE.
Im ready for the whole DAMN THING to be DONE AND OVER.
and I know, that's just wishful thinking.
I'm absolutely GRATEFUL for the help getting him some GOOD defense
because that's one HUGE lesson I've learned,,,,,,
how much different everyone treats you in this system when you've
And as of right now, we are good financially, with the attorney.
anyone that WANTS to help, still can I (we)won't turn it down! :-)
but I'm hopeful it won't drag out too far.
if it does though, IM MORE than prepared, to keep fighting
financially, emotionally , everything.
I'm only waiting on one thing, for taxes too, which will help a ton,,, along with filing ch. 7 and ending my 33% garnishment....
It feels good to SHOW him how much I've changed, and that I believe in him as much as he believed in ME<
all those times, I just couldn't "get it" yet.
So, that's all for now.
Be thinking of us, sending us all the good luck and positive thoughts you can!!
oh, and Mike's done smoking he says.
Tells ME, I'm done , too at least around him!! and he adds,
""IF we can MAKE Something POSITIVE out of all this bullshit,
then it's just ONE more thing that makes US a stronger family.""
I sure miss him!!!
Sam is hanging in there....
he's given me some REAL eye opening, statements and questions.
One morning, he announced
Mommy , Daddy is in jail, he's lost and hes not coming back
I said, WHO SAID THAT?
I was pissed,,,, hurt, ashamed, everything..... This is just NOT something I ever saw us going through!!
Telling him,,,, You talk to your daddy each night before bed, he still sings to you every night, he knows right where you are, and believe ME, he'll be here as SOON as he can be.
Sam didn't say much.... I picked him up and hugged his lil body as hard as I could, tried LOVING him in that moment, ENOUGH for BOTH of us.
hes been asking about good and bad guys, all day.
I posted about that earlier, on my page, so I won't repeat it.
You know, I've always told myself, to be as HONEST as possible with him, so I haven't denied the jail thing. BUT I haven't SAID jail in his presence, or anything.
he doesnt' hear the first part of the call from his dad, where it says sheriff's office either.
I THOUGHT I'd been really careful about it. But I've been honest and open with both preschools, and I think that's where he may have heard something.
That hurts me most of all, that he probably heard it when I wasn't even there.
And, I'm glad they've been talking each night. Mike's always sang to Sam every night, before bed, since I was starting to "show" pregnant with him. (Yep,,, what a threat this guy is)
At least THAT gives him the re-assurance, he IS going to be here,
as soon as he possibly can.
Sam's TIRED of MY answers though,,,,, I KNOW that much!!