Tuesday, January 29, 2013

Broken Hearted

After sharing over 12 years of my life with someone, 
and he's  gone, just GONE one day, 
it feels like I'm missing an arm or something.
Yes, I get to talk on the phone every night with him, but it's not the same, nowhere near the same. Especially, when who I talk to is not the confident, proud man I once knew. He's scared, frustrated, labeled, and a whole list of other not so great things. But, I keep telling him to stay strong for us, for his son, and we'll get him out of there, sometime.I wish with everything in my SOUL I could make things better , but I just cannot.
I'm doing absolutely everything I can think of,
and I'm pretty sure the attorney is too.
We have a plan now, to have him do this state certified evaluation,
basically to prove he's not this monster they are making him out to be.
I sure hope it works, because it's costing $2500. which I don't have quite together yet, but I'll figure something out. 
that's about the ONLY chance he's got at not going up against a six year sentence, so really what  else is there to do.
At first, when this FIRST all happened, I had faith in our justice system, faith in people generally speaking, and ALL of that's changed now.
I used to believe people were "generally" good, and as long as you lived an honest life, were a good person, and did the best you could,
BAD SHIT wouldn't happen to you.
Well, Mike's about the best man I've ever known, and didn't deserve anything like what's going on here. Sure Mike's had his issues over the years, but he's never been anything like this "label"
his son will be the one paying the price for it. If you would have told me a year ago, or two, that ONE of us would be raising our son alone, 
I would have guessed it to be his dad.
He's always shown commitment to his family, always. Even people that DON'T LIKE HIM, will tell you that.
When I'd hear about sex crimes/allegations before this happened, 
I thought the same as anyone else probably does,
"well SOMETHING must have happened"
And, that's why I believe all six attorneys I've spoken to, that say it's the HARDEST thing to do, "win" a jury when being accused of ANY KIND of sex crime. They all said the SAME THING, they all had years of experience at defending people. They say you are playing with a LOADED GUN.
right now that evaluation is his only hope, I guess.
That or this person saying now,  it was nothing, which probably isn't going to happen, but I HAVE to ask myself, if she knew everything that was happening here, would she think he deserved it?
If something had gone on here, I'm pretty sure he'd come clean about it by now. At least then, he'd have some REASON he's there.
I mean, even IF he comes out of this thing, with no prison time,
our lives will never be the same again.
And here's fair warning, that this could happen to ANYONE.
It sounds INSANE but it's absolutely the truth.
I'm trying to come to grips with him being gone for a long time, but it's pretty damn hard.
Most people are raised with the belief that only "bad people" go to prison, or people who make "bad" mistakes......
A very good man is on his way for no good reason at all. I'm not saying he's perfect, not by any stretch of the imagination.
But I've known the guy TWELVE YEARS, 
he has always been unconditionally loving, understanding, and kind.
Sure, he'd get upset or mad once in awhile, but when it's all said and done, he'd forgive.
And I guess I don't see this "monster" they describe in court,
when all I can think of, 
is him having tears in his eyes, when Sam first said "da da"
or that he's sang a song to him every single night before bed, since I was pregnant with him. 
I remember my mom telling me as a teenager, if you want to KNOW how a man treats a woman, watch the way they treat their mother.
that's the same story, too. All loving, patience and understanding.
Maybe that's why this is so hard to digest for me.
I just honestly can't believe this monster was hiding somewhere for twelve years and then decided to "show" itself.
We've had our UPS and DOWNS, that's for sure.
So, why NOW, would something like this happen? when everything was really great.......
I remember saying not too long ago to him,,,,
"things are going so great for us, they never go this great, It makes me nervous that the next catastrophe is right around the corner"
That's all I've got for tonight,
Im just,
broken hearted.

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