Sunday, November 18, 2012

another year older & the week I learn how much my son is like me, already

hello again, friends.....................
Well, I'm another year older,,, I dont know about wiser, though!!!
who the hell came up with that saying , anyway????
Everyone knows your memory and general health decline with age,
so what part of that makes you wiser???
Even if it DID,
you won't remember anyway!!!
Yesterday, I turned 31
I sure am glad that I turned my life around.......... all though truth be told, if I hadn't I'm not sure I'd even BE HERE...................
Last week, I had a meeting with my son's preschool teacher.
sounds fun already, right???    :-)
I've handed down my very SHORT attention span, along with other symptoms,
of ADHD. No, it's not for certain yet, but you could say I already had my suspicions...........
I was just hopeful that he would "grow out" of it. you know, he'll be 4 years old next month, and I thought it was TOO EARLY to really tell.
They have mental health specialists "observe" the kids in class, twice a month.
let's just say my son is ON the radar.......
Also, he's got just a little bit of a speech delay.
he really always has, if you ask me. . . . . .
actually we've been to TWO of their "evaluations" as recommended by his pediatrician at 24 months, and again at 30 months.
he scored JUST above the 'cutoff' for speech therapy, BOTH TIMES........
well, you know, I said something at that time, even then, asked if there was ANY
way he could get in...........NOPE...................
but now, now I guess they are ready to do SOMETHING about it.
Part of the problem,,,
he's had his four front top teeth pulled,,,,
he fell about 3 feet at 19mos old or so, and chipped part of his front tooth off.
We went to the pediatrician, then to the pediatric dentist, the week it happened.
they didnt want to do ANYTHING, at that time, they said it wasn't "worth surgery"
time went by,,,, and basically the break turned to rot, which rotted the OTHER front
tooth. FINALLY we got a "referral" to the pediatric orthodontist, in portland.
it took SIX MONTHS to get in THAT time, another tooth was rotten
we go to the appointment, and they do schedule surgery,,,,, the surgery is 3 months away..... at his appt they have you sign ALL KINDS of papers, I mean honestly you don't even know what your reading!!!!!!! or SIGNING!!!!
the point of all this,
it was just about a year to the day, he had surgery from the time his first chipped tooth looked rotten.
Surgery day, was NOT say the least............but we made it, and NOW
you know he has a hard time pronouncing certain things.
no shit ,, right????
I cannot remember which evaluation I'm going to this wedsday, but I'm going to sit with him through either the speech evaluation or the the ADD/ADHD evaluation.
this is very hard for me, to digest.
I feel guilty,
I'm worried for the road ahead of's going to be a difficult one, if he IS indeed diagnosed ADD.....
On a positive note, I can honestly say they know how to "handle" kids with ADD much better NOW then they did when I was in school.
(oh jeeeez I sound OLD)
ADHD/ADD was looked at more as a disciplinary issue, than a disorder.
I don't even like calling it that. WE just learn differently than most people.
Most of Us (add-ers) are more sensitive to stress/anxiety than most,
and that's because we try to take everything in ,, ALL at one time.
What's wrong with being different???
ha ha ha ha ha     .... his teacher said for an example,,, she has to "re-direct" him up to six or seven times..... after instructions,, like "go to circle for storytime"
She explained that he repeats the instruction back to her, but just gets 'sidetracked' on the WAY..............   Ohhh do I EVER know how he feels.....
she said she does NOT believe he's being defiant,,, he REALLY IS trying, it's just NOT happening.................
So, I started a NEW blog-----------------------------
the point of that one, is to share/process things from my past. I know I've talked some about my past, here.....
But this is to really think things over, and let go of emotional baggage I have associated with certain things.
I'm going to keep it "light" as possible, and have as much humor as possible with each story......
some stories WILL be sad, but hopefully I can at least make one person feel a lil better by writing it,,, NOT to mention, growing and working on my recovery for
I didn't write anything last week, think I might have had writer's block,,,,,
ha ha ha
seriously, I just didn't feel like sharing anything.
NOW this week is a different story.............I'm a bit overwhelmed about my son going through these evaluations, and being poked at.
I mean, he's NOT EVEN FOUR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Isn't his life,,, what lies ahead of him even if he's NOT ADD going to be hard enough as it is???
whats wrong with just painting and being a kid in PRESCHOOL for awhile????
Society creates this "image" we all need to "fit" into,,,
and anyone that doesn't,,,, is an outsider.
TRUTH be told, I think a lot of people that SEEM to fit in this "box" per say,,,
are the WEIRDEST of them ALL!!!!!!
you KNOW I'm right!!......................maybe?
OH, one more thing, on this topic...... the teacher says, if he does NOT qualify with his "scores" for speech therapy,,,, I can have MY DOCTOR write a letter saying I was a drug addict (aka,,,, used prescription-or whatever- drugs WHILE pregnant)
I don't know how I feel about THIS ONE.......... honestly, at first I was like "ok"
I'll do whatever I need to, to make sure he gets the help he needs. I'm actually the
one that brought up his "delay" problems, when he started preschool. they ask if there's anything you'd like them to work on , with your child.
that's what I said, help with his speech. It's a big issue for me, for him to speak like the "other kids" by the time he's in grade school.
Anyway,,,,,,,,   I'm REALLY uneasy about volunteering that sort of information.......even though I know I could give my dr. some kind of 'outline' asking him to say some positive things, too. you know, the fact I've got a record of 19 MONTHS of good drug screens, the first six months via blood test.
That must count for something, right???
I'm torn, I really am,,,,, but I'm leaning towards just seeing if he gets in, FIRST, then dealing with the possibility of the letter, later.
okay, enough on that scary ass subject..... I'll write more on that,
when I find out more..............................
WORK, work, work!!!
That's what I've been up to!!! up to my freaking EARS in it, actually. . . . . .
awesome though,,, to be getting OVERTIME,, right before Christmas,,, and maybe even a bonus....
now how great would that be?????
So, the deal is, my boss took on  a "rush" contract, for a BIG hotel, in cannon beach,,,, I have until the first of the month, to sand, stain and top coat (3coats) around 4,000 feet of trim.............MOST of it is 5/4 by 12 inches..... (5/4-means a full inch.)
NICE,, huh??
the problem is,,
I have 16 cabinet doors and 3 exterior doors IN THE shop NOW, that HAVE to be done
before I can even START the hotel.
I worked yesterday, YES, my birthday.
It's OK though,,, saturday will actually be ON my paycheck right before Thanksgiving.
Just couldn't turn down the overtime..... NOPE, not in winter,, not this close to Christmas!!!!
my boss(es) got pretty dang happy, when I said I would work my birthday, and I also said I could work the friday and saturday after thanksgiving.
Basically,,, if I can get this job done on schedule,,, I'll be UN-replaceable, in their eyes.
I mean,,
right now, I sort of already am,,, it will just prove I'm that much MORE valuable,
if I get this done on time. And they shared with me, last week, if I don't need any help like from the temp service, we can figure out a percentage of profit, for a bonus.
I'm IN..... I'm all over it........
On friday,,, a bid was being passed back and forth for a job painting 25 doors and
I worked from about 630am to 6pm, all week except friday, since I had the meeting with my son's teacher.
I plan on doing the same thing next week.... with the exception of thanksgiving.
and I MIGHT go shopping on friday, before work.....
Honestly, I have NOT been able to go shopping on "black friday" for YEARS and years.  I used to do MOST of my "shopping" when it was just Mike and I,,, years ago,, on that day.
I'm talking about 2003 or so..... that's awhile, isn't it???
Obviously, when the majority of your $$$ is going to drugs, shopping isn't high on the list of priorities!!!
Last year, we were just too broke, to shop much, let alone black friday......
I'm so happy we are doing so well,,,,,,
Mike finally has a fairly good-paying job, that he's proud of,,,, he still would LIKE to have benefits for the family, but steady work with good pay, is NOTHING to complain about these days!!!!
We were talking last night, how right now, is probably the best we've ever been.......
financially, even though we are about to file chapter 7 bankruptcy,,,,
we both have steady jobs, and that's really important,,,
a decent place to live,
and finally a healthy relationship.............  we are still going to marriage counseling,
he's been learning about "co-dependency" and so have I,,,  :-)
About his "role" now,
now that I'm not strung-out,,, and don't need him to "take care of me" anymore.
I never looked at things, from that point of view, before going to that session.
He goes in for one-on-one counseling, before it's both of us,
I see an addiction specialist,
and we also have done two "family counseling" sessions.
Those two have been the MOST challenging,,,,    I'm doing the very best I can,,,
in all areas of my life.... parenting, is tough though.
Helping this "little you"
learn things, and show them how to deal with the rest of their life, that's a HUGE responsibility....... HUGE!!!!
and WHY DON'T they "give you a book?"
sounds like a good plan to ME,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,then years later, when your adult child says something about their childhood, you could just say,,,
"well, the BOOK told me to, so that's what i did"
ha ha ha
it was a nice thought.
I didn't have time to go help out grandma yesterday,,,, I tried doing at least a few things, while I was there, for dinner last night..... she kept getting "after me" cuz I'd worked so much last week, already.
I don't care HOW much I work, she still needs help,, and I'm going to do it!!!
it helps me feel better about all the bullshit I put her through...... PLUS she can't really do it,,, so there ya go,,, helps BOTH of us.
LAST WEEKEND,,, Sam stayed the NIGHT, at my mom and dads!!!!
YEP, allllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll night!!!
couldn't believe it!!!  now that he's slept there once, I sure freaking hope, he can go back!!!!     We didn't do much, we were both pretty tired,, it was just REALLY NICE to have a quiet evening,,, and not worry about what he's "in to now"
ALL the time,,, NOT to mention, I actually slept in the next morning, slept til 745,,,
UNHEARD OF, for me!!!
Guess I needed it!!!   It really was "foreign" to not hear him, but a much needed break.
We have a challenging child ,,,,
that's for certain.... he's just VERY busy/active and wants to be "engaged" in SOMEthing, non-stop........
Hmmmmmmmm that sure sounds familiar!!!!
ha ha ha ha ha ha
I'm already growing grey hair, on the top of my head thinking about the future,,, all the detentions in OUR future,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,     :-)      that's what they did for "add" when I was in school,,,,,,,, gave you detention!! oh YEA, that helps!!

Thanks for reading,,, that's all I've got for now.
Definitely will write more, as I find it out, about my son........

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