Sunday, October 28, 2012

Some thoughts for today,,, & school pics

at last,,,, I WON out, against the damn washing machine,,,,,
on Wednesday when the part came in.........................
No water on the floor..........
the new washing machine actually works SO much better than the old one did.
I guess I didn't really notice, until we had one that worked better.
the clothes dry in ONE cycle through the dryer instead of TWO.... I washed our bedding and our blankets are MUCH softer than they ever were, being washed in the old machine................. VERY happy to say the least!!!
Last week,,,, 
was a lil rough on me...... I worked a lot,,, coming in early and staying late, and since Im the only one working in the shop right now, it just feels like EVERYTHING rests on MY shoulders........
But, I made it. That's what counts. Not every week is that hard, which is GREAT, , , for one, because Im not sure I could "make it" or hold myself together so well, if that was my "normal"
I'm going to be 31 in a couple weeks......This birthday doesn't feel like nearly as big of a deal, as the last one did!!! the last one, was obviously, my FIRST one sober, in a very long time. Not to mention, turning 30 is no "easy" transition in your head.......
Saying "goodbye" to your 20's. UNLESS your 'relieved' to do so, KIND of how I felt last year.
In January of 2011,,,, just a few months before I actually got sober, I was trying, but failing miserably......... I remember thinking,,,
"your going to be 30 years old this year"
Is this REALLY what you pictured your life would be like??????
holy shit, NO, not one bit.  Maybe it was at that moment, I knew I couldn't go on like that, much longer......... I was circling the drain, but at least I knew it.
Anyway,,, I think it'll be just fine.... Not going to anticipate any depression or anything like that. but, we'll see.......
Sam is super-excited about going trick-or-treating! Last year, he was not really into it...... He thought getting candy was "ok" 
But after getting about 5 pieces of candy, he told me "thats enough mama" and wanted to go home.....LOL
First kid EVER to be FINE with having just a little bit of candy!!!
I think THIS year, he'll be a little more "into it"
I want to take a minute,,,,
to talk about the anti-suboxone bandwagon that seems to be rolling around. . . 
it's my belief, or my HOPE that most people that hate it, don't understand it.
Since I'm now someone that my doctor thinks others can look up to,,,,
I get asked a lot of questions, about what to do, when someone new to suboxone has a family that is NOT understanding nor supportive about it.
I usually send them here...........
you can also order a packet of information,,, comes with pamphlets, and a couple articles written by well-established writers of the medical community...........
that's what I usually tell people to do, order that packet, and ask your family to read through there, and see if it doesn't help. 
I get almost a feeling of jealousy,,, that some one quit cold turkey, and they call it "white knuckling" through sobriety.....
some people can do that,,,, I was just never one of them, AFTER doing opiates.
But I have heard some recovering addicts say,,, "I had to just quit, there was no lil pink pill for me to take"
Is that why the relapse rate is still WELL over 90%??????
It's probably a lot of reasons..........
there's many people that DO take suboxone to "get high" but these people are not Tolerant to opiates any longer. That's the ONLY way you can catch ANY kind of 'buzz' off of it, and even then, it's pretty uncommon to get a "nod" or anything like what I would call a REAL "opiate buzz"
Methadone is another stigmatized medication,,,,,
Now, I could never take methadone how you are ''sopposed to''
but there is some people that can.
I've come to the conclusion , now that if you find SOMETHING that works for YOU, then great.......
I hate that addiction takes SO MANY lives, at very young ages......
and one thing that IS  for certain, if you have an addict in your life, and you KNOW the risks of relapse, then you know that many relapses after any length of sobriety have the potential to kill the addict.
Addicts on suboxone (buprenorphine) are FAR LESS LIKELY to have a fatal overdose, because of the "blocking effect"
there's not nearly the depression of the central nervous system, which includes breathing.
Also,,, the "chance" they will actually FEEL an opiate buzz is VERY low......
the addict that's on suboxone or the like,,,
would have to "plan" a relapse, for it to be dangerous, at least two weeks ahead of time. Depending on what dose they are on..........  Most of my cravings have come and gone in a day or two.
suboxone has for sure helped me learn to control the IMPULSE to use, and to think about the consequences of my actions.
something I was obviously NEVER able to do, with a couple DAYS clean.
Instead, I would think about drugs, or think about that warm blanket feeling, and that was it,,,, I was "locked and loaded" on finding something, someway to get it.
It does get easier-
the cravings, the dreams of using again, 
But the 'trade off' is your recovery gets harder, more difficult tasks lay before you.
The hard thing to wrap your head around is that, you WILL never NOT be an addict.
I can't think about that, too much......
It's too overwhelming.
WELL, my son just woke up, 
and I actually promised him YESTERDAY that we'd go to the bounce around play park AFTER he took his nap......
he woke up from his nap, and we all got ready to go, I called just to make SURE they were open, and guess what???
they just so HAPPENED to close an hour early for some kind of maintenance. LOL
should have HEARD the screaming fit,,,,,,
but it was MY FAULT.....
I told him as soon as they opened TODAY, we would go......
I HAVE to make "good" on this, or he'll never believe me again!!!!!!!   LOL
thanks for reading,,,,
Here's his school pics, I couldn't get on the laptop last weekend.....................
its actually a picture of a picture, but HEY, it works!!!!.

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