Sunday, July 22, 2012

Life in general, & flat tire last week. + an ariticle on suboxone

We have most of the house unpacked now. Which is nice!! There is so much more space here, its just crazy. I guess I forgot how small that apartment really was, or I was just blocking  it out, since that was our only option for so long.
The one thing I cannot find right now, is my son's baby book. A book I made out of  just a plain journal type thing. At the time I couldn't find any baby books that you could write in AND put pictures in, so I made my own. I used one page for every month, for his first year, and I put all kinds of stuff/information in it, up until he was two and half. I don't remember seeing it when we were packing. Hell, I cant even remember seeing it for  a WHILE. Im pretty upset with myself about it. But that's not really gonna help anything. I do have A LOT of pictures from when he was a baby, so its not like everything was in there, just ALL the info was, like the words he said, his milestones, things like that.

At work now, the guy that Ive worked with since I started, had his last day, a week ago. Since then my boss has tried to find someone to fill in the 'gaps' at work. Im doing all the finishing/painting now, so he needs a lil help in the office and someone to deliver stuff. My driving record is 'uninsurable' according to the company insurance.
The first guy that started,,,,,,,,
seemed like he knew what was going on. The boss sent him out to do some weed eating and cleanup on the grounds. Apparently he was using the forklift to take grass clippings over to the dumpster, and in the process, for some reason, drove the damn thing off the gravel, into the sand. When he told me about it, the forklift was buried to the axles, in the sand, with the only tire that turns, five inches off the ground. Finally had to have one of the delivery trucks pull it out. And then #2 started on friday. Im not gonna remember names, until they last long enough to learn them!!

So, having all the responsibility of the prefinish/finish department has been challenging, but Im handling it. In my opinion, Im doing pretty damn good , actually.
I do like this job, and I like what I do all day.
The other job that I had the interview for, well, they've really only offered me part time work. Its a challenge, to say the least, convincing someone to hire me, or trying to convince them how good I really am at what I do, until I start working for them.. Then it seems, every time, they are absolutely shocked when they see how good I really am.
Mike definitely got that  job, he's waiting for his background check and fingerprint stuff to go thru. Its a non-emergency medical transport company. You know, like when people need to go to the portland hospital or something. This is  a service that they use to go back and forth. Even for just doctor appointments and stuff. The guy says that the winter time is their busiest time, because of the weather. That works out great for us, since usually MY slowest time, is in winter.
He has a half day of training today, and Im not sure if he'll start next week. The background check they require is at the federal, state, and county level. And it can take up to two weeks for it all to 'clear'.

Since we had to start Sam in preschool right away, with Mike going back to work soon, my boss said he could help out at the shop, til he starts at the new job. Every lil bit helps!! Especially when paying out almost 100 dollars a week, for daycare/preschool. But thats for three days a  week, 9 hrs a day. And its a registered preshool, so its good for him. Trying to look at it as positively as possible. He needs to learn how the classroom works, before kindergarden.
He will, no doubt about that. Preschool will just make it easier.

I feel like all the 'pieces' of my life are finally coming together. Mike going back to work is such a huge relief.
Now, I just wish I could find that damn baby book!!!!

I'm pretty much eating normal foods nowadays. Its nice to eat things I haven't been able to for 4+ years. Going back to the dentist on the 31st, to see if I need a 'soft reline'....... I think I might, because sometimes the top plate feels loose, like when Im eating something chewy. The last time I went in, I figured out that I can use fixodent on the bottom one, to keep it in place. It was REALLY bothering me, when I'd be eating, it would come up, then I'd have this mouth full of food, AND a mouthful of my teeth, sometimes sideways. Anyways, that really helped, and hasn't happened since I started using just a drop on each side of the partial.

I don't think I wrote last weekend,,, that on FRIDAY THE 13th, I had kind of a crappy morning. I was supposed to go out and fix a closet door first thing in the morning. So I call the shop in the a.m. to get clocked in, and I was on my way!!
Well, about a quarter mile from where I was going, I heard something like an air leak! At first I thought it was the truck right in front of me. Maybe I was hoping it was???
Anyways, I could hear this hisssss. And I figured out it was definitely me, cuz every half second or so, it'd stop for a split sec. you know, like when that part of the tire would hit the ground. OMG, I did about 65 mph to try and get to the tire shop!! I don't have a spare or anything!!
By the time I got to Del's tire factory,,,,,
my rim was only about an inch off the ground. YES, thats a huge hole.
I call my boss and tell him whats going on, he knows I didnt WANT this to happen, but the people that need the door fixed are MORE than irritated apparently. I told him I just needed to get it fixed, and I could be back out there. It wasn't even 8am yet, which is when I was supposed to be at the job anyways.
WELL of course it couldn't be that easy!! it was friday the 13th after all.
Had to buy a whole new tire, cuz of the way it tore, they were unable to patch it. THANKFULLY they had a used one.
was still a pain in the ass, the people cancelled the job til the next week. I didnt really care at that point!! They were MAD I got a flat tire. Like Im in control of that? ha ha ha

So, our anniversary is coming up in four days. I cant believe we've been married for NINE years!! we got married in 2003, and we've lived together since 2001. We have talked lately, that we almost didnt make it this far. Mike had had enough of me, a year and a half ago. Im glad I figured out what my priorities were, fast. He says that he didnt want to kick me out, because he knew I would have just gotten worse. That makes sense you know?
He also says he knew nothing would work as far as ultimatums, until I was ready to get help. Im glad I did, in the nic of time. I think there are way too many people in our society these days, that give up way too easily on their marriage/relationships. So many people get married, or move in together, until 'someone better comes along'. And what is that teaching the kids?
We've both been the happiest, this last 15 months, than ever before. Yes, it was a happy time when Sam was born, of course, but the problems WE had, came right back as soon as we got home from the hospital. Im so lucky to still have my family in tact!!

Well, hope everyone had an awesome week!!
Ive got a very busy work week ahead of myself.............................that's for sure!!!

thanks so much for listening!!! be continued........

Here is a really good entry on long term suboxone therapy......

Why do some docs kick patients off buprenorphine?

by SuboxDoc on September 7, 2010

I often receive e-mails from people that go something like this: I was addicted to oxycodone and heroin for 5 years, and lost my marriage, several jobs, and the trust of my children. I was completely broke, and considering suicide. Then I heard about treatment with buprenorphine and found a doc who prescribed it. Since then everything has been going much better; I have a job, I’m putting some savings away, and I have been starting to reconcile with my family. But my doctor says he wants me off Suboxone and is making me taper, and I’m definitely not ready. I am starting to panic because I know that if I have to go off buprenorphine I’ll only end up using again. Is there a way to make him keep me on buprenorphine?
Why the rush off buprenorphine?
Why the rush?
I have described my approach ad nauseum on this blog. I look at the ‘givens’:
- Despite everyone’s wish that addicts stop using opioids and ‘get off everything,’ it just doesn’t work that way. The relapse rate after stopping opioids is very high, whether stopping buprenorphine or any other opioid substance.
- Opioid dependence is a chronic illness that never goes away. People relapse even after years of sobriety.
- Traditional treatment suffers from very high costs and very low success rates, and requires a large time commitment. Traditional treatment does NOT offer any ‘long term protection’ against relapse; if a person stops attending meetings, the rate of relapse becomes similar to those who never went through treatment.
- Buprenorphine can hold opioid dependence in remission in motivated addicts. It is not just a ‘substitution’ of one drug for another, as the ‘obsession’ which is the essence of addiction is reduced, allowing personality to improve and for other interests to return.
- The side effects and risks of taking buprenorphine are not significant, especially when compared with treatments for other life-threatening conditions.
- Even a short relapse can have unpredictably severe consequences, including legal trouble, loss of career, loss of key relationships, and death.
I could go on and on with this list, but you get the idea. My own conclusion then has been that buprenorphine should be considered a long-term treatment for a long-term condition.
Why do some doctors insist on a short-term approach? One reason is simple ignorance, and not understanding the nature of opioid addiction. Many docs persist in seeing addiction as a ‘choice’, and fall into the same silly thinking that some addicts initially believe, that the main barrier to sobriety is withdrawal. Addicts who become miserable enough to get through withdrawal quickly learn that the withdrawal is NOT the problem—at least not the MAIN problem—as even after the symptoms go away, the addict relapses. This is maddening to the addict’s loved ones, and some doctors see this situation and become angry at the addict, rather than understanding the nature of addiction. At least there are now studies showing the high rate of relapse, and hopefully the data will change the behavior of physicians prescribing buprenorphine.
Another reason for short-term prescribing is because the buprenorphine is being used as detox, for entry into a ‘total sobriety’ treatment center. I won’t get too upset about such a situation, except to point out that such treatment centers commonly mislead patients about their chances. At the treatment center where I used to work, Nova counseling services in Oshkosh, WI, the counselors would get very excited about patients who looked good on their way out the door. But nobody seemed to feel any responsibility if that same patient relapsed and returned—or died—six months down the line. Of course many patients never made it to the end of treatment, getting thrown out early or leaving on their own. The counselors blamed those failures on the patient—instead of recognizing a failing treatment strategy. THIS IS A VERY SERIOUS PROBLEM, by the way, with residential, traditional treatment programs—a problem that exists because of stigma about addiction, and a sense that addicts are less deserving of good health than ‘normal people.’ How can I say that? Think of it this way—what if any other illness was managed in this way? If heart disease or diabetes simply failed to make people better most of the time, and the doctors routinely blamed the patients for the lack of success, how would THAT fly?
My biggest concern is that there are motivations to get patients off buprenorphine that come from the requirements placed on physicians who prescribe the medication. Physicians can treat only 30 patients at a time with buprenorphine. After a year they can apply to raise that limit to 100 patients. Ironically there is no limit at all on the number of patients a doctor can treat with opioid agonists! In a typical practice, patients are seen less often as they become more ‘stable’ on buprenorphine, resulting in a situation like mine– I have about 100 patients who have done well on buprenorphine for some time, many of whom had multiple attempts at ‘traditional treatment’ and some who were on buprenorphine from other docs, who would like to stay on buprenorphine long-term. That’s fine with me; buprenorphine patients are a small part of my practice. But if I wanted to make significant income from patients on buprenorphine, I would need to clear out spots for new patients who are seen at greater frequency, and who would pay the initial intake fee.
In other words, doctors are rewarded for high patient turnover, and the growth and earning power of their practices are limited by the cap on the number of patients they can treat. I understand the reason for the cap; we don’t want to suddenly have thousands of patients on buprenorphine without adequate treatment and supervision. But there is always a downside to any regulation, and rapid turnover in some practices is a downside to this particular regulation.
I don’t have any particular advice for people who are being forced off buprenorphine for no fault of their own, other than to seek out a new physician. Patients who are considering starting buprenorphine may want to ask the doctors in their area about their attitudes toward long-term maintenance. Hopefully over time at least some of the motivations for pushing people off buprenorphine will become less significant. For the docs who are doing the pushing, I encourage you to examine your own motivations. I realize that everybody wants to get back to how they were before becoming addicted to opioids… but it is important to remember that nobody can predict the outcome of a relapse, and some people die.


  1. Hey. Today is my 2nd day of suboxone treatment and I have spent a good deal of it reading through your blog from the beginning. You inspired me to start my own recovery blog (: I have been told that I will end up needing to have all mine pulled and get dentures, too. I was scared about it during my addiction but now that I'm clean, I think I'd really like to look into getting it done soon. I want a nice smile, ya know? Anyway, just wanted to let you know that I appreciate you sharing your journey. It's nice to hear about someone's life a year down the line... Hope you're well.

    1. thanks joanie. Good luck with all that you do!!! I cant even believe it myself, EVERYTHING thats changed the last 15months. Im sure if you fight for yourself, good things will come for you as well!! I wish I would have been able to have a computer, when I first started therapy, but I didnt have two nickels to rub together back then!!! Just like I said though, hard work WILL pay off, eventually!!! Wishing you the BEST, may all your dreams come true!!