Saturday, July 28, 2012

A ride from Hell, and the newest member of our family!!

First I want to start by saying, we welcomed a new member to our family this week. He is a dutch shepherd, about three years old. He is SUCH a good dog. We responded to a dog up for adoption (ad) and sort of 'applied' for him. The wonderful people that were trying to find him a new home, thought we could provide a GREAT one!! which of course, we will!!!
Sam has already fallen in love. I'm so happy for him. He has a buddy, and a playmate, and its wonderful. I knew we didn't have time for a puppy, and all the training that comes with one. The shelter here, REQUIRES you have a fenced yard, no exceptions. And many other ads for pets, want a 'rehoming' fee of 150 + dollars. The most expensive we heard, was $300. Yea, ridiculous is what I thought too!!
Fritz, reminds me somewhat of my previous dog, Cota, who lived until sam was just a few months  old. I got him at 17, and he was 12 when he died. So, it took me a long time to be ready for a dog in the first place, and I wanted to make sure I chose the right one. Well, now after almost a week, I KNOW I did. And, he was WORTH the wait!!!
He listens so well, and has a little bit of that goofy shepherd personality like cota did, which I just love. We've been to the dog park (less than a half mile up the road) three times already, the lake, and we went to the beach today. Mike and I wore out BOTH fritz and sam!!! So  a good time was had by all.

Now, on another note.......
Works been real busy. I actually bring fritz to work with me!! He kinda runs around the yard a little, hangs out on a piece of cardboard next to the car, and I leave the car door open, if he wants to lay in the seat. My boss is fine with it, he actually says he feels better, with him there when Im in the shop all by myself, all day long.
A new guy got hired, I think he started on Monday. Turns out that his girlfriend is in jail, for selling prescription drugs. Yep, I know, what a coincidence, right? Oh it gets better.....
He's mostly working in the office, but Ive explained that I cant drive the company trucks, cuz of my driving record; so he's been doing the deliveries, since Mike started his new job.  So, I had to ride with this guy. Let me tell you , I was not prepared!!!!
I CANNOT, for the LIFE of me, Believe THIS GUY can be on the insurance, and I cant!!!
the first time we went on delivery, he couldn't get the truck into 3rd, or 4th gear. Now, when I first started working, I did drive the truck for about a week, before the insurance denied me, so I know its not that difficult. Plus, I drive it between shops (on the same block) all the time.
Anyways, he was in oncoming traffic, more than once. I swear he almost wiped out some mailboxes, at least 5 times in surf pines. Also, when we were turning off the highway, my side of the truck was in the scotch broom he was trying to downshift (WASNT getting it) instead of SLOWING DOWN for the turn. And its a boxtruck, which makes SLOWING down on a corner/turn highly important!!
So Friday, we had to go down the coast, and I really didnt know if I was gonna make it back, ALIVE, lol.
seriously though, I got directions from the boss, on all five places we needed to go. Well, mr. rocket scientist, wanted to go by his GPS, and NOT the actual physical directions I had. well, that turned out to be a nightmare, all its own. Everywhere we went he was in the oncoming traffic lane, or WAY too close to somebody's car!! Im NOT being dramatic here. I wish that I was. One place we went, he had to park on a hill, Im guessing he has NO IDEA how to use a clutch and the EBRAKE. He'd roll back, every time he tried to go forward. He had me get out of the truck at one point, to 'guide' him. But apparently, we found out as we were leaving, at that point is was too late. One of the guys at the job site, said he scraped his bumper, just before I got out..........
Yes, there was a scuff mark on the bumper of his truck, just the right height. The guy says it wasn't a big deal, as long as he didnt hit it, on the way out!!!!
I didnt say anything to my boss, only because the guy at the job seemed okay, and Im not sure WHO else he'd bring in, and WHO KNOWS, the next guy could be worse!!!!!
But I know my blood pressure was high Friday, thats for sure.
This guy was driving in those curves, outside cannon beach WAY too fast, AND trying to program the stupid GPS, even though I had directions. Which now, looking back, he says he knows he should have just followed. But just imagine this guy doing that, driving 50mph in 35mph corners, and weaving across the center line. Even a log truck honked at him.
I seriously, felt like I was having a heart attack!!!
Part of what we had to deliver, was a whole shitload of tongue and groove siding, about 100 , 16' 1x6s. Anyways, after we unloaded all that at the job, on our way to the next one, he tells me he needs to take one of his oxy's cuz his knee hurts. he apparently had knee surgery, MONTHS ago, but still takes pain meds.
Yea, I know that story all too well.
It didnt really trigger me, really.
Yes, I thought about how all my shit started, because when it started, I didn't think I had a problem either. But I can tell, he will be headed that way, if he doesn't try NOT TO.
The whole thing just disturbs me.
But, Im happy,(in general) still. Im so glad mike LIKES his new job!! what a relieve THAT is!!!

All we have to do, is get thru the rest of this week, Somehow, and then we'll be just fine financially. Its gonna be SO much easier, with two incomes now. I cannot wait!! The check we are living off now, is the one that I was three days short on, because of the fourth of  july, and the fact that we were moving. Thats why its been so hard. I'm definitely ready for things to be easier, in that department.

Things are going well, other than all that I just explained. I feel such a sense of calm, coming home now. You know, being outta that apartment!!!
Its such a great change for me. And sam cant stop talking about his new house, and now of course, his new doggy.
heres a pic of Fritz.......................

Hes SOOO gentle with sam.
Im so glad he's part of the family...............

Sunday, July 22, 2012

Life in general, & flat tire last week. + an ariticle on suboxone

We have most of the house unpacked now. Which is nice!! There is so much more space here, its just crazy. I guess I forgot how small that apartment really was, or I was just blocking  it out, since that was our only option for so long.
The one thing I cannot find right now, is my son's baby book. A book I made out of  just a plain journal type thing. At the time I couldn't find any baby books that you could write in AND put pictures in, so I made my own. I used one page for every month, for his first year, and I put all kinds of stuff/information in it, up until he was two and half. I don't remember seeing it when we were packing. Hell, I cant even remember seeing it for  a WHILE. Im pretty upset with myself about it. But that's not really gonna help anything. I do have A LOT of pictures from when he was a baby, so its not like everything was in there, just ALL the info was, like the words he said, his milestones, things like that.

At work now, the guy that Ive worked with since I started, had his last day, a week ago. Since then my boss has tried to find someone to fill in the 'gaps' at work. Im doing all the finishing/painting now, so he needs a lil help in the office and someone to deliver stuff. My driving record is 'uninsurable' according to the company insurance.
The first guy that started,,,,,,,,
seemed like he knew what was going on. The boss sent him out to do some weed eating and cleanup on the grounds. Apparently he was using the forklift to take grass clippings over to the dumpster, and in the process, for some reason, drove the damn thing off the gravel, into the sand. When he told me about it, the forklift was buried to the axles, in the sand, with the only tire that turns, five inches off the ground. Finally had to have one of the delivery trucks pull it out. And then #2 started on friday. Im not gonna remember names, until they last long enough to learn them!!

So, having all the responsibility of the prefinish/finish department has been challenging, but Im handling it. In my opinion, Im doing pretty damn good , actually.
I do like this job, and I like what I do all day.
The other job that I had the interview for, well, they've really only offered me part time work. Its a challenge, to say the least, convincing someone to hire me, or trying to convince them how good I really am at what I do, until I start working for them.. Then it seems, every time, they are absolutely shocked when they see how good I really am.
Mike definitely got that  job, he's waiting for his background check and fingerprint stuff to go thru. Its a non-emergency medical transport company. You know, like when people need to go to the portland hospital or something. This is  a service that they use to go back and forth. Even for just doctor appointments and stuff. The guy says that the winter time is their busiest time, because of the weather. That works out great for us, since usually MY slowest time, is in winter.
He has a half day of training today, and Im not sure if he'll start next week. The background check they require is at the federal, state, and county level. And it can take up to two weeks for it all to 'clear'.

Since we had to start Sam in preschool right away, with Mike going back to work soon, my boss said he could help out at the shop, til he starts at the new job. Every lil bit helps!! Especially when paying out almost 100 dollars a week, for daycare/preschool. But thats for three days a  week, 9 hrs a day. And its a registered preshool, so its good for him. Trying to look at it as positively as possible. He needs to learn how the classroom works, before kindergarden.
He will, no doubt about that. Preschool will just make it easier.

I feel like all the 'pieces' of my life are finally coming together. Mike going back to work is such a huge relief.
Now, I just wish I could find that damn baby book!!!!

I'm pretty much eating normal foods nowadays. Its nice to eat things I haven't been able to for 4+ years. Going back to the dentist on the 31st, to see if I need a 'soft reline'....... I think I might, because sometimes the top plate feels loose, like when Im eating something chewy. The last time I went in, I figured out that I can use fixodent on the bottom one, to keep it in place. It was REALLY bothering me, when I'd be eating, it would come up, then I'd have this mouth full of food, AND a mouthful of my teeth, sometimes sideways. Anyways, that really helped, and hasn't happened since I started using just a drop on each side of the partial.

I don't think I wrote last weekend,,, that on FRIDAY THE 13th, I had kind of a crappy morning. I was supposed to go out and fix a closet door first thing in the morning. So I call the shop in the a.m. to get clocked in, and I was on my way!!
Well, about a quarter mile from where I was going, I heard something like an air leak! At first I thought it was the truck right in front of me. Maybe I was hoping it was???
Anyways, I could hear this hisssss. And I figured out it was definitely me, cuz every half second or so, it'd stop for a split sec. you know, like when that part of the tire would hit the ground. OMG, I did about 65 mph to try and get to the tire shop!! I don't have a spare or anything!!
By the time I got to Del's tire factory,,,,,
my rim was only about an inch off the ground. YES, thats a huge hole.
I call my boss and tell him whats going on, he knows I didnt WANT this to happen, but the people that need the door fixed are MORE than irritated apparently. I told him I just needed to get it fixed, and I could be back out there. It wasn't even 8am yet, which is when I was supposed to be at the job anyways.
WELL of course it couldn't be that easy!! it was friday the 13th after all.
Had to buy a whole new tire, cuz of the way it tore, they were unable to patch it. THANKFULLY they had a used one.
was still a pain in the ass, the people cancelled the job til the next week. I didnt really care at that point!! They were MAD I got a flat tire. Like Im in control of that? ha ha ha

So, our anniversary is coming up in four days. I cant believe we've been married for NINE years!! we got married in 2003, and we've lived together since 2001. We have talked lately, that we almost didnt make it this far. Mike had had enough of me, a year and a half ago. Im glad I figured out what my priorities were, fast. He says that he didnt want to kick me out, because he knew I would have just gotten worse. That makes sense you know?
He also says he knew nothing would work as far as ultimatums, until I was ready to get help. Im glad I did, in the nic of time. I think there are way too many people in our society these days, that give up way too easily on their marriage/relationships. So many people get married, or move in together, until 'someone better comes along'. And what is that teaching the kids?
We've both been the happiest, this last 15 months, than ever before. Yes, it was a happy time when Sam was born, of course, but the problems WE had, came right back as soon as we got home from the hospital. Im so lucky to still have my family in tact!!

Well, hope everyone had an awesome week!!
Ive got a very busy work week ahead of myself.............................that's for sure!!!

thanks so much for listening!!! be continued........

Here is a really good entry on long term suboxone therapy......

Why do some docs kick patients off buprenorphine?

by SuboxDoc on September 7, 2010

I often receive e-mails from people that go something like this: I was addicted to oxycodone and heroin for 5 years, and lost my marriage, several jobs, and the trust of my children. I was completely broke, and considering suicide. Then I heard about treatment with buprenorphine and found a doc who prescribed it. Since then everything has been going much better; I have a job, I’m putting some savings away, and I have been starting to reconcile with my family. But my doctor says he wants me off Suboxone and is making me taper, and I’m definitely not ready. I am starting to panic because I know that if I have to go off buprenorphine I’ll only end up using again. Is there a way to make him keep me on buprenorphine?
Why the rush off buprenorphine?
Why the rush?
I have described my approach ad nauseum on this blog. I look at the ‘givens’:
- Despite everyone’s wish that addicts stop using opioids and ‘get off everything,’ it just doesn’t work that way. The relapse rate after stopping opioids is very high, whether stopping buprenorphine or any other opioid substance.
- Opioid dependence is a chronic illness that never goes away. People relapse even after years of sobriety.
- Traditional treatment suffers from very high costs and very low success rates, and requires a large time commitment. Traditional treatment does NOT offer any ‘long term protection’ against relapse; if a person stops attending meetings, the rate of relapse becomes similar to those who never went through treatment.
- Buprenorphine can hold opioid dependence in remission in motivated addicts. It is not just a ‘substitution’ of one drug for another, as the ‘obsession’ which is the essence of addiction is reduced, allowing personality to improve and for other interests to return.
- The side effects and risks of taking buprenorphine are not significant, especially when compared with treatments for other life-threatening conditions.
- Even a short relapse can have unpredictably severe consequences, including legal trouble, loss of career, loss of key relationships, and death.
I could go on and on with this list, but you get the idea. My own conclusion then has been that buprenorphine should be considered a long-term treatment for a long-term condition.
Why do some doctors insist on a short-term approach? One reason is simple ignorance, and not understanding the nature of opioid addiction. Many docs persist in seeing addiction as a ‘choice’, and fall into the same silly thinking that some addicts initially believe, that the main barrier to sobriety is withdrawal. Addicts who become miserable enough to get through withdrawal quickly learn that the withdrawal is NOT the problem—at least not the MAIN problem—as even after the symptoms go away, the addict relapses. This is maddening to the addict’s loved ones, and some doctors see this situation and become angry at the addict, rather than understanding the nature of addiction. At least there are now studies showing the high rate of relapse, and hopefully the data will change the behavior of physicians prescribing buprenorphine.
Another reason for short-term prescribing is because the buprenorphine is being used as detox, for entry into a ‘total sobriety’ treatment center. I won’t get too upset about such a situation, except to point out that such treatment centers commonly mislead patients about their chances. At the treatment center where I used to work, Nova counseling services in Oshkosh, WI, the counselors would get very excited about patients who looked good on their way out the door. But nobody seemed to feel any responsibility if that same patient relapsed and returned—or died—six months down the line. Of course many patients never made it to the end of treatment, getting thrown out early or leaving on their own. The counselors blamed those failures on the patient—instead of recognizing a failing treatment strategy. THIS IS A VERY SERIOUS PROBLEM, by the way, with residential, traditional treatment programs—a problem that exists because of stigma about addiction, and a sense that addicts are less deserving of good health than ‘normal people.’ How can I say that? Think of it this way—what if any other illness was managed in this way? If heart disease or diabetes simply failed to make people better most of the time, and the doctors routinely blamed the patients for the lack of success, how would THAT fly?
My biggest concern is that there are motivations to get patients off buprenorphine that come from the requirements placed on physicians who prescribe the medication. Physicians can treat only 30 patients at a time with buprenorphine. After a year they can apply to raise that limit to 100 patients. Ironically there is no limit at all on the number of patients a doctor can treat with opioid agonists! In a typical practice, patients are seen less often as they become more ‘stable’ on buprenorphine, resulting in a situation like mine– I have about 100 patients who have done well on buprenorphine for some time, many of whom had multiple attempts at ‘traditional treatment’ and some who were on buprenorphine from other docs, who would like to stay on buprenorphine long-term. That’s fine with me; buprenorphine patients are a small part of my practice. But if I wanted to make significant income from patients on buprenorphine, I would need to clear out spots for new patients who are seen at greater frequency, and who would pay the initial intake fee.
In other words, doctors are rewarded for high patient turnover, and the growth and earning power of their practices are limited by the cap on the number of patients they can treat. I understand the reason for the cap; we don’t want to suddenly have thousands of patients on buprenorphine without adequate treatment and supervision. But there is always a downside to any regulation, and rapid turnover in some practices is a downside to this particular regulation.
I don’t have any particular advice for people who are being forced off buprenorphine for no fault of their own, other than to seek out a new physician. Patients who are considering starting buprenorphine may want to ask the doctors in their area about their attitudes toward long-term maintenance. Hopefully over time at least some of the motivations for pushing people off buprenorphine will become less significant. For the docs who are doing the pushing, I encourage you to examine your own motivations. I realize that everybody wants to get back to how they were before becoming addicted to opioids… but it is important to remember that nobody can predict the outcome of a relapse, and some people die.

Sunday, July 15, 2012

15 months & counting!!

Things are going pretty great for me right now. . . . . . .
In all aspects. I've been feeling completely overwhelmed, as I think anyone would walking around looking in boxes for their belongings!! But I just take  a deep breath and realize, you don't win a war in ONE day, you take things one step at a time. So each box I unpack, is one battle I guess.
Two weeks now with dentures, and they feel like they've always been there. It's so weird now, cuz I forget they are even there once in awhile. A week ago, I thought that would NEVER happen!! My speech is pretty much back to normal too. So my confidence is getting better and better. I see the dentist again tomorrow, after work.
Sam has his three year check up tomorrow afternoon. Im not really nervous about it or anything, but I do have MANY questions for the doctor. About his behavior and him constantly trying to run from me, things like that. He throws these HUGE fits sometimes too. Where he clinches his fists and screams, his face turns red, it looks like he's being possessed by the devil himself. Why the hell do they say terrible twos??? The attitude comes in FULL force at three, in my opinion!!
Mike's pretty sure he's found a job, with a medical transport place here in town. I forgot what the name of it is. But basically, he's going to be a delivery driver, delivering people instead of concrete or lumber. He seems to get along pretty well with older people, especially crotchety ones, so Im sure he'd do just fine!! I guess you drive the van or whatever home, and they pay for the fuel so that would totally help our "one car family" situation.
Tomorrow he's going to work with me, because the guy I used to work with, his last day was friday. AND my boss ran the ad in the paper for over two weeks, only getting back two responses I think. My driving record isnt 'insurable' according to the company insurance, so thats the biggest issue. So Mike's record is clean, other than  a speeding ticket, but its been almost three years ago. I told my boss I didnt care if he came in to do deliveries, but I did not want to work with him, 40+ hours a week!! he laughed, and said he could understand that.
The job with the medical place, he has to go get his fingerprints done in seaside on Tuesday, then go by the office and fill out paperwork.  I think the guy said as long as everything comes back 'ok' then he can start right away. Oh yea, they pay 35% of the 'revenue' or $11 an hour which ever is more. But I guess in this area, theres only one other company that offers this service, so its the percentage, which works out to be anywhere from $13-17 an hour. Thats what the last person averaged anyways, then they got a DUI.
With Mike working, it's gonna make everything easier.
Daycare will be expensive, but sam needs some preschool anyways, so Im looking at it that way.

We had some family from California visiting all week. It was really nice to see my aunt and cousins, and was even cooler for sam to play with his little cousins all week. We took them back to the airport yesterday morning. EARLY. LOL
Im so happy in my new place. Its so much nicer coming home to this place ,, then coming home to that apartment. I mean nothing bad to anyone in that situation, we did it for six years. It was all we could afford!! But I think its definitely a good stepping stone to something nicer, not to mention bigger, and you learn to be grateful for what you've got , thats for SURE. Everytime we go to the store or anything, sam will say "are we gonna go see my new house now"
Mike had to cut the 3 FEET of grass that was our lawn this weekend. I think he mowed, three times!! To be able to 'get it down' close enough, to actually mow. Maybe the people here before us, didnt have a mower??? Im not sure.

Another person I used to know, used to see once in awhile, died of an overdose last week. The news saddened me, but only paused me for a moment. Im so glad Ive moved on. In no way is it 'easy' , even on suboxone, but it IS well worth it.
I went up on my suboxone dose, with the whole denture situation, and Im now on my way back down. The transition is fairly easy. I really dont feel any different, whether I take 24mg or 8mg, its just the pain I feel. Like with my teeth getting pulled, I took it three times a day, and it helped the soreness in my mouth. Sometimes when I take 8mg in the morning, I need to take 8 more in the evening, because my back hurts. But I dont feel anything physiological, or euphoric. I even forget to take it for a day once in awhile, until my back hurts.
The patient assistance thing Im on, ends in October, and even though I'll apply for it again, Im going to plan on it NOT going thru. With taking 8mg, the total cost per month is about $150 or 75 each paycheck. I can totally handle that. To me, its well worth the alternative.

Well, thats about it for me today. Thanks everyone, for your continued support  :-}
Gotta picture to post ...............

 Yes, this is at our new place!!!    Yay!!

Sunday, July 8, 2012

a monumental day

Well, I don't even really know where to start.............(big smiles today)

Today has been a huge day for me in lots of ways. I feel like Im finally leaving my past life behind in this small, not so great, apartment. Which Ive lived in since May of 2007. Yep, thats a long ass time.
I knew it was gonna be a big change, and I wanted it to be. But I guess Im just surprised on how GREAT it REALLY does FEEL to get outta here. Not that Im moving in to the Trump tower by any means, but you know what???
It might as well be!!!
The only reason I'm awake right now, is because my lil man is sick. Im thinking its nerves, but I'm just not sure. He's been throwing up on and off for about two hours.
See, my dad came over today and helped us get ALL the crap outta the apartment except for bedding, cold food, dishes, the laptop and one TV.
Mike is moving that stuff tomorrow, while I run to the airport with grandma. I'll explain that, in a minute.
So, we get THREE truck & trailer loads of crap to the trailer today, and when we get back to the apartment, Sam says.......
Mommy you took my room away!!!
Im like, UMMM, its at the NEW house!! Dont you remember seeing all your stuff there?
hes not getting it.
He just got himself more and more upset. So I played a movie for him (tried) to watch on the laptop. Then he just walked across the room and started throwing up!!!!
Ohhhh jeez.
Poor thing even tried cleaning up the 'mess'
Im like, thats what mommys are for, to clean up when your sick. Of course its traumatizing to puke at three yrs old, so I was very assuring.
Anyways, here I sit, waiting for the next "bout"
And, we are supposed to go in the morning, to pick up my aunt and cousin from southern california at the airport, grandma will be here at 7am.
Man, work is gonna seem like a break next week. LOL

My uncle (grandma's son) died, at 39 of prostate cancer. The aunt thats coming here, was his wife, and his daughter. His other daughter is driving up with her husband, and they are 'due in' monday or tuesday. She has two lil girls, so sam will finally meet his two cousins, from california!!
Grandma wants to have Sam over most of next week, which works out GREAT, so we can get unpacked, ummmm well so mike can get us unpacked while Im at work, LOL
Mike is LOVING the fact we have a dishwasher now.
We haven't had a dishwasher the entire time we've been together!!! (almost 12 yrs) Our 9 year wedding anniversary is coming up on July 26th. I cant hardly believe it.

Mike found a couple things of mine, and I did too for that matter, from my 'past' today. You know, it really didnt even phase me. I think this 'move' is so huge for me, that it just couldnt bring me down today. I dont think anything could.
There really is life after drugs, and its pretty freaking great these days.
Also, today, while I was laughing with my friend until my stomach hurt,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
I realised Im "me'' again.
When I was younger, I laughed at everything, all the time. Everyone always asked me, where do you buy your weed, cuz it must be good. And this was way before I ever smoked pot!!!!
Im like that again, or getting there.
Mike's even noticed it. Since I ''frazzled" more easily these days, well just like I used to before the opiates took over, he said I'm the person he fell in love with again.
Not just the part of getting overwhelmed ,,,, its my ability to find humor in any/every situation, and my borderline OCD,,,, all of it, coming back like a flood.
See, for about eight years, I had a bad case of the 'fuck-its' I think. Pardon my french, but that's the best way I can put it.
I didnt care about much of anything, except, ONE thing. And I didn't laugh much, if I did, it was mostly fake.

My best buddy watched Sam most of the day for us today, so we could  get moved. He had so much fun with her and her kids, he was more than worn out when we got home. That was so great,,, we got way more done than we could have with me chasing him around.
My mom took Sam yesterday,,, for the same reason. My dad borrowed a truck and 8' utility trailer to help us move most of the stuff today, which was really great. My dad and I even got along, we didn't argue once. I couldnt believe it!!! (lol) My brother & his girlfriend who live near portland, were here for part of the weekend and helped us a lil too.
It's like everyone is pitching in to help. We sure needed it.

Oh yea, and my teeth.
So, I cut my stitches out Friday night. Yep, Im a bad ass.
(It really wasnt that hard, honestly)
The stitches being out has made a huge difference though. Grandma told me they'd feel like a 'part of me' soon, and she was right, they are starting to feel that way now.  After friday, the 'stick' better, and don't move around nearly as much. I even ate alot today, chewed and everything!! wooooo hoooooo for me!!!
That makes me more confident about it too. I do still have a couple of sore spots, but it IS improving.
Thankfully, its not constantly on my mind 24/7 now that I have dentures. Thats nice, to forget they are there.

Today definitely makes up for that day from hell I had a few weeks ago!!!
I'm ready for the next catastrophe now, but theres always hope there wont be one.
Thanks for all your support,
and reading my rants, emotional baggage, etc, etc, etc, etc,,
Make every day count, you never know when its your last,
or someone you loves last.

hope you all had a great Independence Day!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
We sure did!!!!

Monday, July 2, 2012

Day 4, with dentures (and my job interview)

So the morning started off really early,,, had to be at the dentist office at 7am. Now I go back next monday, the 9th to get my stiches out.

Had somewhat of a reline done I guess. I asked him to shave a lil off the front, where the plate goes over the front of my gums. He did, and I think it looks a lil better, and Im able to pull my lip over my teeth a bit more, which has helped my speech.
My speech still isnt perfect, or great, but Im making progress.
Everyone I talk to says everything will come with time. Im trying to stay positive. I knew this whole thing would be a  transition, so I just gotta push thru.
Im still not eating very much, I know I should eat more, I just dont even feel hungry. Ice cream is good, but I have to let it melt, almost like Im drinking it instead of eating it.

Today I did notice though, when I took the top plate out, it sort of feels wierd to NOT have it in, rather than to have it IN, like it did yesterday. Hopefully thats a sign, that things are getting better, or that it will?
Somebody told me that my taste buds will get  stronger, on my tongue, with time. Right now, everything I eat feels like cardboard. Its hard to explain!!!

I know it looks better than rotten teeth, anything is better than that. Im just waiting for my confidence, to 'fill in' the gaps, I guess.
Im still locking myself in the bathroom, any time I take them out. The only person besides the dentist to see me without them, has been grandma, and its probably going to stay that way for a LONG time.
Mike has been such a trooper, he says, "I dont ever have to see you without them"

Okay, my interview.
I think it went good. The guy wants me to do a trim pack in a house or something like that not this weekend, but next weekend, and go from there. Mainly, so we can discuss money. He doesnt want to name his price on me I guess until he can see what I can do. Which, is fine with me, I totally understand wheres hes coming from, and I dont want to have to start at a low wage, and work up. Hopefully, I can just do this small "whatever" for him and I'll be making a decent wage, RIGHT AWAY.
Thats the plan anyway!!!!
Apparently, he stays busy year-round, which is exactly what I want. Yes, it sucks for me having to start over somewhere and prove myself all over agian. But dammit, I need to make more money. I feel like Im worth it!! I know Im worth more than what my boss is paying me now, becuase even when he was paying me $3 an hour more, the guy before me who only did HALF what I did was making $18 bucks an hour.
I just feel like hes using me at this point. No, Im not perfect, I'll be the first to admit that. But I do try as hard as I can every single day. And thats got to be worth SOMETHING.

Im drowning in a sea of boxes!!!!!
but its okay, I know thats a work in progress as well!!!
I cant wait to get outta here. I think we are moving sunday, when I get back from the airport. My aunt and cousins from southern california, are coming for a week. Im taking grandma to the portland airport sunday morning to pick them up. I think early, so hopefully that will leave enough time to move the big stuff, sunday afternoon.
By then, we should have everything else there already.

the pain in my mouth has been pretty manageable. Definitely NOTHING compared to the 'upper molars' extractions.  I can tell when it gets close to my four hour-motrin window, since it starts to throb, but other than that, its totally tolerable.
This is definitely a hell of a diet plan, if you would like a good one!!
Ive probably eaten more today, than I have the last three days all added together.  My mom made some potato soup, so I did eat that yesterday, and the day before, I think??

Well, thanks for letting me vent, I needed it.

More later, I promise