Sunday, June 24, 2012

one of the worst days ever, is in the books

Well, last friday ended up being one of the hardest days Ive had off drugs, so far.........

first of all,
The big condo job Ive been working on is over, so my boss decides that Im going to lose two dollars an hour, not to mention I wont be making the bonuses any more either. Ive tried to reason with him, and just go down ONE dollar an hour, still no bonuses of course, but he'll have no part of it. So, thats that. Last weekend, meaning a week ago, when I worked on saturday, I installed two storm doors on an ocean front home. Well, the homeowners had done almost all the work and among other issues, no part of the door trim was flush or square, or anything! It was almost TWO inches different from just one side to the other actually. I did the job, but I went too fast, I didnt want to be there until dark basically re framing the entire door, so I did what I could. I asked the lady if she was happy when I was finished, also pointing out how bad the doors were to begin with. She seemed fine, but called the boss two hours later really pissed, saying she was highly unhappy.
wait, it gets better.......
Now she's NOT paying, until she has a contractor come tell her , I dont know, whatever she wants to hear apparently. and she wont let me back on the property to try and fix it. So what the hell am I supposed to do?
So you see, all this makes my boss REAL stressed out when I go to install an entry door friday. he tells me to take my time, and BLAH BLAH BLAH.
Like I dont know what Im doing.
So, of course Im doing a good job on the entry door. He keeps saying he wants it to look PERFECT. Im serious, over and over and over he says this.
so he shows up at the job on friday, about 3pm. I had the jamb completely flush to the inside and outside walls (so itd look PERFECT) and so the top of the door was out just like an 8th of an inch. he tells me how wrong that is, I point out then the jamb wont be flush with the wall!!!! he say the door lining up the rest of that 8th inch is MORE important. remember, he told me ALL day, how concerned he was and wants it perfect!!!!????
and then of course he gives me a bunch more instructions, like he wants me to route this  board that goes under the sill. WTF?????
I know at this point Im not getting off work by 5, or even 6, maybe not even 7 !!!!!
and I had started around 7 am.
I hadnt taken lunch either, because I finished at the condos in the morning and wanted to get started on the entry door.
So lets mention IM STARVING.
So, after this lil argument, I go back to the shop to get a few boards and rip my trim down.
While there, he gets on my ass agian, about the corner of the boards I ripped down, not being sanded evenly, EVEN though, they are going to be painted, and caulked.
Im completely serious, not exaggerating one bit.
Then he gets pissed cuz I say its not going to show, or matter when its covered up.
he tells me, EVERYTHING MATTERS, just do what I ask.
OKAY, no problem
I continue to work, like always. I pour my fucking soul into this job cuz its the only thing that supports our family.
He acts like he could give a rats ass, that my pay will be roughly half next time I get paid. THAT really hurts my feelings ....... AND, why do I have FEELINGS now???
I never used to!!!!!!
Why do I let that hurt me?
Im thinking these things all while working, past 6, past 630 now, Im STARVING. and now its POURING down rain. so Im getting soaked too!
as I put up the exterior trim, Im thinking,
god, if I got high, Id feel better.
So the battle ensues in my head once again.
Then Im feeling overwhelmed, just want to make enough per hour to get my bills paid, and Im starving, my boss is being an asshole, and I miss my kid so bad I could SCREAM.
I felt tears starting to well up in my eyes.
I thought to myself,
oh boy now your really crossing the line.
DONT do this here. just get this done, and on your way home, you can cry all you want to.

Finally got outta there around 720 PM.
Started home, lit a cigarette, and man it tasted good. Cracked open my warm mt. dew cuz it was in the car all day, and that tastes equally as satisfying.
I stop off at grandmas, she hands me a plate of left over ribs from her dinner, SCORE.
Back in the car, Im eating ribs, like a cave man Im so damn hungry.
Driving along, had cashed my paycheck earlier, and Im thinking I gotta make it count, no more good money coming.
and spits.
and dies.
pull off the side of the road, try to start it agian...............NODDA
I have like a computerized gas gauge, thats been going haywire lately. but theres a red light that ALWAYS comes on when you have about 25 miles til you run out. I know this from my 'glory' days of never having gas money.
Anyways, the RED light, it NEVER came on!!!!
I mean, I for sure woulda got fuel!! I was wanting to get gas in warrenton where its 40 cents less a gallon, if that light woulda came on, I woulda paid whatever I needed to. I didnt want to be walking, in the rain, after working 12+ hours, STRAIGHT no less.
 the tears just pour all over me, I cant help it, cant stop it, cant think about it.
I call grandma.
I just ran outta gas
"oh no, what?"
I just ran outta gas, the light never came on, can you come n get me?
"oh honey, I'll be right there, are you okay?
yes, just hurry please
"okay, stay in the car, eat your food okay. where are you"
a mile up the road, with the flashers on, you cant miss me
"ok, be right there, its okay to cry once in awhile"

But, it was like a release. See, I didnt cry for a long long, time. I cried the day after sam was born, and I cried when my grandfather died, when I confessed to my family I was a drug addict. Thats it, in like 8 years.
So for me to 'cry' over a bad day,
is just, weird.
but I guess it means Im getting 'better'
Im learning to deal with things differently, without using drugs to get thru it.

After grandma brought me fuel, I went and filled up. then picked up sam from my moms house. After we got in the car, he told me he was happy I was home!!!!!
Then saturday morning,
he was REALLY happy.
Makes all the bullshit kinda worth it.

Now, in other news , ,, Mike might be taking a job to drive over the road. Like he'd be gone 3 weeks, then home for 10 days.
I feel good and bad about it. I mean, of course I'll miss him, but he'd only have to do this temporarily and then he could get a  good job here, locally. Its really the best way for him to get his class A cdl, and experience to go with it. Right now he's one class below that. but everyone around here, well, good employers want a class A.
So, I dont know, we'll see how it plays out. Im sure we'd make the best of it, I mean he'd get good money while he did it. Sam would go to preschool/daycare while I worked, and at least he'd be doing something to try and get us onward and upward.
Its just a big decision, that's all.
But, all in all, it probably is, the best one. Good money and really good benefits, like health insurance, I cant really say ISNT a good idea.

Well, that feels like a load off, let me tell ya.
hope you laughed at least at part of it, because I know most of you that read this have probably had at least one shitty day like the one I described!!!!!
We HAVE to laugh at ourselves, to stay sane.

heres a picture of my sam man, with his fireworks!!

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