Saturday, May 26, 2012

A friend goes to jail, and Im reminded of where I came from

I'm so very glad its the weekend!!!!!

There for a moment, I didn't think it'd ever get here!!!

I left work a lil early on Friday, to go to the DMV. Need to check my 'driving record' or order one I should say, to see if 'insureable' yet for work. Right now, I cant drive any of the work trucks or anything, my record is/was so bad when I first started.
I paid some money to have some sort of evaluation, so now I have to order the printout, to see if it did ANY good. WELL, I get up there Friday, and its CLOSED.
yes, Friday. Even though MONDAY is a holiday, the damn place is closed Friday too. UGGH.
I was fairly heated, to say the least. And Ive already tried to do this over the phone, they wont let me, I have to 'go in and fill outta form'.       NICE

Enough about that.
Today, we all went down to the lil carnival they had going on in seaside. It was really fun. We are still having a problem with sam running. Just 'taking off' yes. I really don't want to 'beat him into submission' if you know what I mean.
So today, I made him wear his backpack from when he was just 2, that has  a leash on it. Boy oh boy was he pissed of.
Then I told him we could just go home, if THIS was how it was going to be!!!!!!!
Well, he straightened up a LITTLE.
All in all, he was okay. But I'm glad he had that leash on. I let him put it in his pocket if he'd hold my hand. That only happened like twice, but maybe he's catching on????
I sure hope so.
AND you should see the people that stare at us!! Between him and his leash, and me wearing this yellow t-shirt that says.....
We get an awful lot of weird looks. But know what??? I could care less. I'd rather him have that leash on than to be under a car, or LOST god forbid.
Im doing the very best I can at being a parent. And in my opinion thats all I really can do.

And for the sober side of my life.........
Had a friend call and ask for a ride from seaside to the probation office yesterday right when I was getting off work. Of course I said yes, because this person had been doing well on the 'sober train' for about 3 months.
Well, as soon as they are in the car, he confides in me that he's relapsed.
He was really torn up about it, I could tell. And I did feel for the guy. I mean this could be me anytime I get too cocky, or think "Ive beat this thing"
He said he needed to go check in and it should only be a few minutes. I told him I had to go to the DMV, but we had a little time.(obviously I didnt know it was CLOSED, lol)
Well, about 5 mins after he shut the car door, a cop car pulled up in the parking lot, and yep they were there for him.
About two minutes later they came walking out, him of course going in the BACK of the car.
I sort of figured he was going, there were NO other cars in the parking lot. He had to have been one of the only people there.   
Every time something like this happens to someone I know, or Ive tried to help, that old song , "another one bites the dust" immediately plays out in my head.
It sucks that this country's only answer for addiction is jail.
I mean, OBVIOUSLY its NOT working, eh???

Its good for me to have a close reminder of where I could be in no time at all if I screw up.
If I screwed up now, with everything Ive done to 'ensure' I dont, things would go downhill with super sonic speed.
Thats why things are the way they are now.
Before, when I tried to quit on my own, and it was still my 'secret' I failed miserably. All that happened was I ended up being worse off than before. Kind of like the smoker that trys to quit when they have a pack a day habit, then ends up with a TWO pack a day habit after they've 'started up agian'
Thats a perfect analogy.

Fear is a good motivator. Ive been detained a couple times, and I was arrested when I was 18 but so far so good.
The few times Ive been up there, I knew it wasn't the place for ME.
Well, its really not a place for any drug addict, in my opinion. But I'm not going to be president any time soon so I'll stay off that soapbox, for now.

My doctor told me the 'sucess rate' for opiate addiction in general, is LESS than 5 percent. Those are not 'good odds'. I'm sure suboxone treatment HAS to bring in up a little. But even with the help of suboxone, its not a fool-proof plan. My buddy that just went to jail was on it too. He is about 5 years younger than me though. He can still 'get it together' I hope.

I dont know what it is about this drug. Or this 'group' of drugs. It is definitely becoming an epidemic though. Reading online the other night, I saw that on average there are 8 deaths a week in Florida due to opiate abuse/overdose/addiction. Eight per week!! thats over ONE a DAY. The stats are about the same in Ohio, it was like 7.6. How do you have 7.6 deaths  a week? Im not sure, but Im guessing it was just the calculated "average"

I'll stay scared, that seems to be working for now. Sometimes I cant even believe I've made it this long. Its STILL scary living WITHOUT drugs. You do that many, for THAT long, and you have to learn everything again. When I was only about 6 weeks clean, and I had just started working, I actually used to drive home, a longer route, so that I didnt have to drive down this one road. I knew, without a doubt, if I did in fact drive down that road, Id have pills or H or something in my pocket in no time.
That takes some stubbornness or  hard-headed thinking.  However you want to look at it. I guess all Im trying to say is, I never thought this was possible. For a long time, I thought at the very most I'd be a drug addict with a job.
Thankfully, I have turned it all around. Now I just have to stay here. The view is spectacular, I must say. There's something to be said for being able to pay your bills.

On a lighter note, it was so much fun hanging out with Sam today!!!!!!
And Ive got some more 'activities' planned for us through the long weekend.  So hopefully I'll get time to do another entry as well.

Thanks for reading, and supporting me. I need all the help I can get, believe that!!!!!

enjoy the pics

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