Sunday, April 8, 2012

Easter, has a new meaning for me

Happy Easter, to everyone and their family......
It was an exciting morning here, and pretty fun.
Yesterday, we did the usual Easter activities, taking Sam to see the Easter bunny, and doing the egg hunt.
I couldnt help but think a little bit of how I wasnt feeling well last year, and my heart wasnt really in it.  I was there and everything, but I was only about a week on my suboxone, and still sweating out everything I had put into my body. It felt literally like I was getting rid of all the toxins of my past, one drop of sweat at a time.
So last year I kept telling myself,,,,,
"you gotta stick with it this time"
"next year will be different, if you can just make it thru the rough part"
"think of how different things will be a year from now"

Little did I realise, its ALL rough, but definitely not as rough as the first week.

I AM in a much different spot. And I know it hasnt been easy, in any way making it this far, but I DID IT.
Now, I have to keep hanging on. The bitch of it is, you dont hit some 'magic number' of days, and all the urges/temptations go away.
I mean if that were the case, people that go to prison for 4 or 5 years, wouldn't have any problem, right?
Instead alot of them, don't even make it a week.
That's the power of addiction.

Over the last year, Ive changed everything, just about. Ive grown personally, spiritually, and financially. I know Ive changed the way Im a parent to my son, and every other relationship in my life.
Before, I just isolated. I just wanted to be alone, and left alone. That's what happens when you've even given up on yourself.
Ive held a full time job for ALMOST a year. And, Ive only had one sick day!!! That was when my mouth was abscessed so badly, that I was actually sick. I had been taking antibiotics for 4 days solid, every 2 hours, and they still hadn't worked yet. My mouth was so swollen, I couldn't feel my face.
THAT, the fact that Ive called in sick ONE day, in almost a year, is a HUGE change from how I once was. I think I was 'sick' one day, for every 3 days I worked.

We also went to a birthday party yesterday, Sam had such a good time. It was at the indoor playpark here in town.
They have a huge bounce house there, and Sam was jumping inside, but there were no other kids in it at the time..... He says, "come in mommy, PLEASE"
well, of course I did!!
I had a great time as well, but didnt realise how much of a workout those damn things are!!
then, a few of the kids saw me in there, throwing sam across the bounce house, and WAY up into the air, OF course they wanted a turn too.........
Well, I tired out fairly quickly, but I did last long enough to toss all the kids at least twice, and Sam looked at me like I was the coolest thing ever.
And I knew, in my heart at that moment, This Easter weekend would have never been like that without the battle Ive gone thru this last year.
So Im thankful every day,
for my family & friends, and ALL the support I get; without them, I'd never make it.

No comments:

Post a Comment