Monday, April 2, 2012

Creating good karma, and being a good example

So, I got off work today, and the sun was shining.....
Got home, my husband seemed overwhelmed with our 3 yr old son....He's not overwhelmed most days, but some days, you really cant blame him, anybody would be!
I thought, what a great chance to take him to the park. I like the park across the bridge, better than the one a few miles away, because it's fenced, and my boy, is kind of a runner.
So we played, yes, I act just like he does, for about an hour. There was this elderly lady there, watching what had to have been her great grandkids, and she was asking different people as they were leaving if they could help her.....
Nobody was really listening. And to tell you the honest truth, it was getting cold, and it was 730, I was ready to go home and sit in the recliner. As I was getting in the car, I just couldnt leave her. Its this 'conscious' I've developed.......
This promise Ive made to myself, and everyone who loves me to be a better person. A better person than Ive been in the past, and a better person than 'average'......Ive gotta lot of ground to make up for all the bad shit I pulled ya know....
So she says she think she left her lights on. I pull out the jumper cables I always have in the car, because there was a time, when I never took care of anything, and my car hardly ever ran, let alone started.
I hook up the cables and she is just so thankful.
the car still wouldnt start, and I tell her I dont think its the battery. She was driving a pretty small car, it had to be a 4cylinder engine in it too.
I left my car hooked up for like 15 mins, and it still wouldnt start. I can tell she's cold, and hell I am too!!
I ask her if she needs a ride somewhere, or needs to use my phone. She tells me she does have someone on the way to help.
So as Im waiting, for whoever to show up, my son starts getting restless, and asking why are we sitting here.
I tell him, this lady was stuck, and she needed help. He seemed just fine with that, and I told him he could get a treat on the way home is he's good.
So now its been like a half hour since I put the jumper cables on, and the car still wont start. just at the time Im about to completely give up, her help arrives.
The guy gets out and asks if I was able to do any good, I explain, not at all.....
He said hes gonna wait there, and brought a battery charger, but the ladys husband is on the way, so thankyou very much. He actually said it way more than once,
and I tell him,
Hey, you gotta make good karma points once in awhile right???

When we get home, my son is SO excited to tell his daddy all about how mommy helped this lady at the park......

I just couldnt help but to think how much different my story, or his I guess, could have been.

There are very few addicts that make it out of addiction alive. The statistics are terrible.

I want to be one of the lucky ones. So Ive got to keep fighting. Today, was a fairly easy day for me. But they sure arent all this way. When the hard days come around, it hits you like a ton of bricks, in the chest.
But I'll be thankful for today.

In my years of addiction, Ive known 5 people personally, that had died from thier drug of choice, or lack there of, and trying to fix the problem.
I would say 3 of them were close, meaning I talked to them at least once a week.
And even then, it wasnt enough to set me straight.
One of them, had a small child, that actually found him in the morning, cold and not breathing. At the time of his death, my son was less than a year old, and I still completely failed to 'connect the dots' that the same thing could happen to me, eventually.
Another one of these friends, was actually really close to me, I talked to her every day for at least two years, and before that about once a week. I did all her grocery shopping, and everything. She was 15 years older than me, and she would try and talk to me about my 'habit' all while I was supporting it, by selling for her.It wasnt until after she died, that I even really heard her words, if that makes any sense at all.
 Im the one, that found her. It's hard for me to talk about, though I did go thru the process, in counseling just recently, which did help alot.

there are so many good people out there, that fall into drug addiction, and become people that they at one time, would have been disgusted with.
And it really doesnt matter how much you love them, or anything else, theres absolutely nothing you can do until THEY are ready to change.
and some of them never are, or never will be.
they may clean up for short periods of time, or long periods of time. Ive been there, and there was a time where nothing would stop me. It didnt matter what I lost, or where I was, IT had a hold of me, and wasnt letting go.
I dont know what the secret is, I just know how I got here.

All in all, I feel good today......And it was great to run around with my lil boy for awhile this evening. Those are the moments I cherish lately, because I almost lost them.
Spending time with my grandma, is right up there too. She used to look at me with such disappointment, and sadness. Nowadays, its completely different. She has a big smile on her face when I walk thru the door. I stop every day on my way home from work, and take out the garbage, bring in the groceries, bring her mail up, whatever she needs. I did so much wrong in the past, that its the only way I can even bare to live with myself.

Its nice that your family is 'hard wired' to love you, no matter what. And Im so happy that I was able to save my marriage along the way. It took a few counseling sessions, and a lot of communication, but I can honestly say we are a happy family. We might not have two cars, or a big fancy house, but if smiles were dollar bills,
we wouldnt have enough space to stack'm

Thanks for listening

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