Sunday, April 29, 2012

10 top teeth out......check!!

On Thursday, I got my top molars pulled out. Actually, everything except the two front teeth, the ones on each side of the fronts, and he left one eye tooth.
I asked for it to happen this way, he said we could take them ALL out, and I could just 'deal with no teeth' for a bit. But, I really wanted to have a FEW teeth up there, even if they aren't great!

I'm really happy this is almost over. Its downhill from here, because all that's left is these 5 top middle ones. My stitches come out on May 10th, and my next appointment after that will be getting the last ones pulled, and walking out of the office with NEW TEETH.

I really had to tell my dentist how happy I was to find someone I could trust, and confide in. He seemed not to take that lightly either with the bad experiences Ive had at other places. Since the very first appointment, he's been more than happy to work with me being on suboxone, keeping in contact with my doctor, and being flexible financially.
And he even congratulates me on my recovery time. Definitely different treatment than Ive received other places.

Okay, so YES, it hurts.
But, it doesn't hurt as bad as when I got the bottoms pulled. I had a really bad infection when I got the molars on the bottom out. Even though I had had two abscesses on the top in the last few months, I dont think it was "on-going" like the bottom was.

I have to say too,
that turning down pain pills for the discomfort, has been a double edge sword.....
On one hand, my 'evil' side, is like WTF are you doing????
On the other,
it feels really empowering, to absolutely shoot down something I was a slave to for SOOOO
long. Just the thought of taking something makes me sick to my stomach. Like I'd be letting the 'evil' back in to my life.
Everything has changed so much, since I left it behind.

I don't think recovery is supposed to be easy. A lot of us talk about hard you really have to work, especially at first when you don't have ANYTHING because you've lost it all to your addiction. You slowly start back up though, and as you get further down the 'road' of this journey, all of a sudden people that lost faith in you, seem to have a glimmer of hope in their eyes for you once again.
I honestly believe, if it were EASY, than it would be too easy to "fall back in".
Like you'd think, oh I can just go get high today, because I can get back 'here' no problem, is wasn't that hard.
That's definitely NOT how its been for me.
Its been a real struggle to get the things back that I lost. Im not even close to having all of it back either. Somethings I never will get back, but Im okay with that today.

Its taken me a long time to deal with the guilt too. One of the reasons I believe I haven't relapsed, is because I tell myself its "okay" because I wont make the same mistakes again, and that's why I deserve forgiveness. Forgiving yourself, being the most important. Self-hatred and everything that comes with it, will definitely put you right back into the 'pit'.

So I was half-way sedated with "triazelam" for my 2 1/2 hour procedure. Which is completely safe to take along with my suboxone, because its not an opiate, but a "benzo".
The dentist wrote my Rx for a few xtra, to help me sleep the few nights after also. That's what I did last time, and the last time I pretty much slept thru the first 24 hours, because it hurt so bad. My gums felt like they were on fire, and I could feel them throb with every beat of my heart. The burning/throbbing lasted about 48 hours, and then they just throbbed for another 3 days or so. This time's much different. There hasn't been any burning really at all, just alot of soreness around my cheeks, nose, sinus area, etc. My gums do throb a little, but not nearly as intense as before. So, this time I took one of the pill to help me sleep Friday night, and Saturday I was doing "okay"
Today, its still pretty sore. I've been eating soup and smoothies, that's about it.

Tomorrow, its back to work I go. Although, Im glad I did take friday off and have a 3 day weekend. I pretty much slept most of Friday. Yesterday I went grocery shopping, and did some laundry. I felt completely exhausted afterwards. That's the biggest thing Ive noticed this time around, the pain isn't nearly as bad, but I'm just SO tired!!!

I cant hardly wait for it to all be over.
Ive learned a valuable lesson here. I know "what Im made of"  these days.

That's all I got for today, thanks for listening.

He told me this day when we went to the beach,
"mommy, you make me so happy"
And gave me a big 'ol hug
That right there, makes IT ALL worth it

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